Showbiz
Readers, this is the 14th week that we've taken it upon ourselves to buy birthday presents for celebrities. Because we're generous souls, every time we've sent off a present, we've also treated the jubilant star to a delicious chocolate birthday cake bedecked with an age-appropriate number of candles. So far, we've got through a whopping 2,794 of the flickery little flame-sticks. Now, if a birthday candle uses 5g of wax, and there's 60kg of the stuff in the average Madame Tussauds sculpture, by this point we could - were it not for our boundless generosity - have saved enough wax for 1/7 of an imitation celeb. Hmm. Just think what our selflessness has denied the DS Towers entrance hall: a wax sculpture of Kylie's pert little posterior, Jordan's right breast, David Beckham's…
Shayne Ward
How many candles? The midget-terrorising pop hunk turns 23 on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: Poor Shayne's been plagued by a stalker recently, so we've bought him a fool-proof disguise. He'll be pink, podgy and covered in more polka dots than Timmy Mallett’s bikini for the next few weeks – but, if he wants to maintain a low profile, we suggest he stays away from the Deal Or No Deal studio.
Davina McCall
How many candles? Big Brother's big mama enters her fifth decade on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: Whatever will Davina do in January with no Celebrity Big Brother to host? We reckon a nice long break is in order, so we've sent her to the Maldives for a month of sun, sea and silence.
Peter Stringfellow
How many candles? The king of the G-string turns 67 on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: Peter might like to spend the evening with a more mature, reserved lady for a change, so we've sent him to the local WI's weekly speed-dating extravaganza. Here's hoping you find your soul mate, Petey boy!
Dannii Minogue
How many candles? The X Factor’s resident glamourpuss celebrates her 36th birthday on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: Dannii's going to need all the help she can get if she's to nab victory on her first ever X Factor, so we've arranged for her contestants to be advised by a very special musical mentor. You want some clues? Well, she's petite; she hails from Melbourne; and she's sure to have Dannii's girls... ahem... spinning around!
Snoop Dogg
How many candles? The rapper/actor/record producer turns 36 on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: We've baked Snoop a gooey, deep-filled, scrumptious apple pie, but we're only giving it to him one condition: he promises not to drop it like it's hot.
How many candles? The midget-terrorising pop hunk turns 23 on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: Poor Shayne's been plagued by a stalker recently, so we've bought him a fool-proof disguise. He'll be pink, podgy and covered in more polka dots than Timmy Mallett’s bikini for the next few weeks – but, if he wants to maintain a low profile, we suggest he stays away from the Deal Or No Deal studio.
How many candles? Big Brother's big mama enters her fifth decade on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: Whatever will Davina do in January with no Celebrity Big Brother to host? We reckon a nice long break is in order, so we've sent her to the Maldives for a month of sun, sea and silence.
How many candles? The king of the G-string turns 67 on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: Peter might like to spend the evening with a more mature, reserved lady for a change, so we've sent him to the local WI's weekly speed-dating extravaganza. Here's hoping you find your soul mate, Petey boy!
How many candles? The X Factor’s resident glamourpuss celebrates her 36th birthday on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: Dannii's going to need all the help she can get if she's to nab victory on her first ever X Factor, so we've arranged for her contestants to be advised by a very special musical mentor. You want some clues? Well, she's petite; she hails from Melbourne; and she's sure to have Dannii's girls... ahem... spinning around!
How many candles? The rapper/actor/record producer turns 36 on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: We've baked Snoop a gooey, deep-filled, scrumptious apple pie, but we're only giving it to him one condition: he promises not to drop it like it's hot.
More: Showbiz, Celebrity Birthdays
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