Showbiz
Today's celebrities have so much on their plates. After a hard day's slog - telling OK! how they managed to drop 20 lbs, playing cat and mouse with the paparazzi, yawning through a meeting with the ghost writer of their sensational new autobiography - they must sometimes wish they could go back to their schooldays. That's not possible, of course, but we've attempted to return a bit of innocence to their lives by organising a traditional children's party for this week's celebrity birthday boys and girls. We've laid on a tasty spread, featuring party rings, sausage rolls and – yum! – lashings of jelly and ice cream, and we've planned plenty of wholesome, fun-filled activities too. Let's just hope Lisa Scott-Lee doesn't throw a strop when she gets knocked out of musical chairs.
Lisa Scott-Lee
How many candles? The pregnant popstrel is 32 today.
DS' birthday present: We've pulled out all the stops to give Lisa the one thing she really wants – a Steps reunion tour. Fingers crossed she'll be able to remember her old dance moves!
Su Pollard
How many candles? The flamboyant actress celebrates her 58th birthday on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: We've instructed our mate Big Dodgy Kev to drive over to Su's house, bundle her into the back of his Transit van, and whisk her over to Trinny and Susannah's makeover studio ASAP. She'll thank us for it in the long run.
Jack Osbourne
How many candles? Ozzy's son and heir turns 22 on Thursday.
DS' birthday present: All that leaping-off-buildings lark must get awfully tiring for poor Jack, so we've decided to introduce him to a more relaxing, leisurely hobby. His twice-weekly knitting classes begin a week on Friday.
Demi Moore
How many candles? Mrs. Ashton Kutcher celebrates her 45th birthday on Sunday.
DS' birthday present: Apparently nude photos of Demi are knocking about after Ashton's phone was stolen by a pesky thief. We've vowed to spare Demi her blushes by hunting down every last revealing snap and torching the lot of them - after we've had a sneaky peek, of course.
June Whitfield
How many candles? The comedy icon turns 82 on Sunday.
DS' birthday present: We've had a word with our good friend Betty W to make sure June is afforded the respect that she deserves. She'll be Dame June come January, if all goes according to plan.
How many candles? The pregnant popstrel is 32 today.
DS' birthday present: We've pulled out all the stops to give Lisa the one thing she really wants – a Steps reunion tour. Fingers crossed she'll be able to remember her old dance moves!
How many candles? The flamboyant actress celebrates her 58th birthday on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: We've instructed our mate Big Dodgy Kev to drive over to Su's house, bundle her into the back of his Transit van, and whisk her over to Trinny and Susannah's makeover studio ASAP. She'll thank us for it in the long run.
How many candles? Ozzy's son and heir turns 22 on Thursday.
DS' birthday present: All that leaping-off-buildings lark must get awfully tiring for poor Jack, so we've decided to introduce him to a more relaxing, leisurely hobby. His twice-weekly knitting classes begin a week on Friday.
How many candles? Mrs. Ashton Kutcher celebrates her 45th birthday on Sunday.
DS' birthday present: Apparently nude photos of Demi are knocking about after Ashton's phone was stolen by a pesky thief. We've vowed to spare Demi her blushes by hunting down every last revealing snap and torching the lot of them - after we've had a sneaky peek, of course.
How many candles? The comedy icon turns 82 on Sunday.
DS' birthday present: We've had a word with our good friend Betty W to make sure June is afforded the respect that she deserves. She'll be Dame June come January, if all goes according to plan.
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