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Feeds
Readers, we've received yet another email advising us how to improve celebrity birthdays. "You're such a modern, dynamic, forward-thinking website," writes Mrs. B.U. Sybody of Wiltshire. "Why don't you send e-cards instead of all these bulky, old-fashioned gifts?" Hmm. Though we're keen to make use of everything the internet's got to offer, we're not too sure about this e-card malarkey. They don't always seem to send; some of them look a bit garish; and the last one we received depicted too ladies getting, well, a little bit intimate with each other. Honestly, we couldn't subject poor Lulu to that.
How many candles? Monica and Gabriella turn 25 on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: The gruesome twosome must be missing their Transylvanian relatives, so we've bought them a trip back to their homeland. Sadly, as funds were a bit tight this week, we were only able to stretch to a couple of one-way tickets.
How many candles? The nineties rapper celebrates his 39th birthday on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: Vanilla, or Robert as his mother wanted him to be known, is in dire need of a career boost, so we've nabbed him a spot of the new series of I’m A Celebrity. Let's hope he doesn't waste it.
How many candles? EastEnders’ Ronnie turns 35 on Friday.
DS' birthday present: Sam must get terribly stressed putting in those long hours on the 'Enders set, so we've arranged for a Swedish masseuse to take her by surprise in her dressing room. The only condition? She'll have to keep quiet, otherwise that pesky June Brown will be wanting a bit of the same!
How many candles? The wee Scottish warbling lady celebrates her 59th birthday on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: Lulu's going to get the night of glamour and sophistication that a woman of her status deserves: the limo's booked, the champagne's on ice and Jason Orange is just slipping into his dinner jacket.
How many candles? The crotchety comedienne turns 55 on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: Roseanne's been awfully rude lately, saying some very nasty things about Britney Spears and Perez Hilton. It's about time she learned some manners, so we've sent her to a Swiss finishing school for a year.
