How many candles? Hannibal Lecter's favourite squeeze turns 45 today.
DS' birthday present: Jodie recently revealed that she has a phobia of shopping, so we're treating her to a session with celebrity hypnotist Paul McKenna. He's sure to have her elbowing rivals out of the way on Dale's Supermarket Sweep in no time.
How many candles? The Girls Aloud popstrel celebrates her 26th birthday on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: Like her bandmates, Kim is no fan of that naughty Pete Doherty, despite being caught enjoying a cheeky spliff herself last year. We're sure she'll love him if she gets to know him, so we bought her a shiny new copy of his diaries to pore over with her pals. Happy reading, Kim!
How many candles? The Desperate Housewives vixen is 44 on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: The newly-preggers star is all Hollywood glamour these days, but we happen to know she was born in Bognor Regis. So we got on the blower and booked her a weekend at Butlins so she can re-discover her British roots. We'll even throw in a bag of fish and chips wrapped in yesterday's Sun to get her into the spirit.
How many candles? The screen starlet du jour celebrates her 23rd birthday on Thursday.
DS' birthday present: What do you give the girl who has everything? A little bird told us Miss Scarlett's hankering after a role in a horror movie to add to her illustrious CV. So we had a word in director Eli Roth's ear and he kindly agreed to have her hacked into little pieces if/when he makes Hostel 3. Enjoy!
How many candles? The Strictly Come Dancing star sashays into her 28th year on Friday.
DS' birthday present: After Kelly moaned that she could feel partner Brendan Cole's - ahem! - excitement in rehearsals, we popped down to Ann Summers and picked out an industrial-strength jockstrap to hide his modesty. Now she can waltz her way to victory without feeling a thing. Go, Kelly!