The rock heiress is accused of being a "sad Kelly Osbourne impersonator" while queuing for the loos in a London nightclub. He was just advising her to touch up her make up, we're sure.
9. James Blunt
Blunty admits he once got jiggy with nine naked women in a swimming pool. Now, come on sir, don't forget the rest of them.
If Lady Mucca has her way, we'll all be drinking rat's milk by the end of the year. Eugh!
7. Keith Chegwin
The TV legend tells DS that The Queen might have watched Naked Jungle. Well, the monarchy is supposed to be modernising.
The former Atomic Kitten star insists she's not, we repeat not, bankrupt. We're not sure we believe her – why else would she be shopping at Iceland?
5. Salma Hayek
We're having a word in God's ear as you read.
The swoonsome Scotsman admits he enjoys getting naked on camera. Well, Jamesy boy, don't let us hold you back!
3. Peter Andre
What is Jordan getting her beloved hubbie for Christmas this year? A pair of cold, squidgy, used silicon implants, that's what. Her generosity knows no bounds, does it?
Buffy's new name just doesn't sound right, does it? We're going to start a 'Bring Back The Gellar!' campaign.
Bah humbug! There's to be no Christmas in Madge's household this year.