S02E03: 'Go for the Overkill'

Ian is heartbroken when he walks into his house to find Sal and Donna having sex on the sofa. He’s distraught to learn that the affair has been going on for six months, but, as Donna is quick to remind him, it wasn’t so long ago that he was caught on camera having sex with a couple of lap-dancers, not to mention the affair he once had with her sister, Marie. Ian slowly begins to realise that it’s his own fault that his marriage is over – if he hadn’t been so obsessed with his career, Donna wouldn’t have needed to turn to someone else for attention.

Now that Tanya has agreed to them having a baby, Jason is exercising his conjugal rights with alarming frequency. Not that Tanya is complaining, she’s enjoying the extra attention. There is one small fly in the ointment though, namely the fear of what Jason would do to her if he ever found out that she was still taking the pill in secret. All of this added stress is taking the edge off her enjoyment and Tanya is forced to up her intake of cocaine in order to stay in her happy place.

Ian checks himself into a hotel alone, little realising that he is under the ever-watchful eye of the paparazzi, who are expecting to catch him up to no good. But the discovery they make when they burst into his room is a tragic one – Ian has decided to end it all with pills and alcohol. For once, the paparazzi are in the right place at the right time and an ambulance is called in the nick of time.

The day of Paddy Pascoe’s christening arrives and, as you’d expect, it’s an extravagant affair complete with middle-Eastern theme, a sponsor and a glossy magazine deal. The Turners’ gift as godparents is a large deposit in a savings account – even Tanya is surprised at Jason’s generosity, but nobody except a very guilty Jackie knows the truth behind the gesture. The general feeling of bonhomie lasts just long enough for Jason to discover that Kyle and Chardonnay have kicked Jackie out of their house – albeit to a luxury abode in Putney. Absolutely livid about their disgraceful treatment of the mother of his child, he tears up the savings account book in front of a horrified Chardonnay.

The fans are furious when they discover that Frank has placed Ian on the transfer list. On top of his daughter’s kidnap and the end of his marriage, it’s too much like kicking a man when he’s down as far as they’re concerned. Frank starts to feel the pressure when the press get in on the act and decides to boost his wounded ego by making a call to the police – he’s observed Tanya’s frantic nose-wiping and regular trips to the toilet and has put two and two together.

Tanya’s always managed to keep her cocaine habit a secret from Jason and the press. But her habit becomes very public indeed when the police crash the christening and ask to see the contents of her handbag. She’s acutely aware of Jason looking on as the police pull a bag of cocaine out of her bag, and, even worse, a package of contraceptive pills! Apart from the humiliation and the prospect of a prison sentence, it looks like Tanya may have lost Jason as well as her reputation, especially when she receives divorce papers and arrives home to discover that he has changed all of the locks.