A copper in a tree?

Right, well here I am again, a little sooner than of late, so without further ado, let’s get stuck in.

And stuck in is the operative expression, I think, for that Emmerdale picture that was the subject of our Week 53 competition, which showed Jo and Kate mud fighting after a heated argument. Andy, meanwhile, looking on in astonishment, decided to break the pair up with a hosepipe.

I’m afraid I was still taking some stick from certain quarters over my tardiness. I don’t know why I encourage you, but I suppose I can’t help but mention a handful.

Take the almost unmentionable, Stephen Beales, of Hornchurch (the further the better if you ask me). He suggested Andy was yelling: “Keep still! I’ve got to spray you both, as by the time Kris changes this picture that mud is really going to be hard to wash out.”

The cheek of the fellow!

And Hannah, of Bath, is not much better, with Jo: “Oh great...knowing Kris, I'm going to have this water in my eye until Christmas!”

Finally, Jack Deal, of Hextable, in Kent, seems to have caught the disease as well. His contribution was: “My Goodness, ladies, you look like you've been in that mud longer than it takes Kris to change the picture.”

I think I should warn you that all names are now in the Black Book…

OK, so what about the rest of your entries?

Well, we had the straight-from-the-shoulder “Clean up your act!” from Ian Beales, of Hornchurch (oh no, spare us – not another one!), while Phil Holmes, of Solihull, reckoned Andy was sneering: “You won’t make the same mistake of not letting me be the piggy-in-the-middle again will you girls?”

Susan, of Susanville (not Susanville, California, by any chance?) thought Andy’s comment was: “I know I wanted girl-on-girl action, but this is just too dirty” while Sarah Blunden, of Bognor Regis, felt it was more likely to be: “If this is supposed to be a dirty joke I'm not laughing!”

But Robin Cahoon, of Lisburn, Northern Ireland, was convinced it would be: “I can't believe you’re playing stick-in-the-mud without me.”

Over there in Wales, Jonathan Pinney, of Pontypool, gave us the caption Andy felt that ITV's new show Soapstar Mudstar had run its course! which I chalked up as rather clever, while a little further away, in Canada, Brenda Derouin, of Ottawa, must take the special prize for observation, with Andy saying: “I saw that warning symbol on your pant leg and thought I’d be helpful and wash away all the toxic chemicals.”

If you didn’t spot it, take another look at last week’s large picture. Nice one, Brenda.
So that brings us once again to the difficult bit.

For third place, I simply couldn’t choose between two offerings - Andy knew there was only one way to stop a dog fight, from Helen, in Birmingham, and “I should have hosed you down months ago, you TROLLOP,” from Denise, down there in Brisbane, Australia.

That leaves just two for my top award, which, because of their similarity, must share the honours this week.

The first comes from none other than our old friend Peter Benassi, of Motherwell, in Scotland, who had Andy saying: “Hold still, you've got an eyelash...” and the second from Laura, in Cheshire, who reckoned he was shouting: “Errr, Jo, stay still - you got a piece of piggy poopy on your nosey.”

Lovely! Well done to Peter and Laura – and indeed, all of you; I enjoyed every contribution.
Now, if you didn’t get a mention this week, fear not, as I give you another chance to make it on to the honours board with picture No 54.

It shows PC Tony Stamp (Graham Cole) climbing a tree to save a cat in an episode of The Bill.

And for all you lucky captioneers, I'm giving you the chance to win ONE copy of The Bill: The Official Case Book!

Away you go…