Reality TV
Howdy.
So Slick and Shell are wed rather than Chicken and Sheriff. Phew.I?d rather drink that fish guts milkshake while shaving Jason?s ginger chest and listening to David Hasslehoff?s Greatest Hits than see Stu Pid and Bunny Boiler get it together. So it was with utter horror that I observed their sub-tablecloth activities of Subservient Stu and Megalomaniac Michelle.
Will The Real Stuart Wilson Please Stand Up?
Michelle?s role in the relationship has been much discussed so I thought I?d concentrate on the Sheriff. It been highlighted many times that Stuart uses different guises to survive his times in the house. Jonny Horizontal, Tiagra, Stand In Stu etc. But one of Stuart?s characters seems to have escaped the public?s attention: Mr Submissive Teen-mag Romeo Cutesy Public School Boy Next Door.
Boy Next Door?
Now I have to admit that if most Big Brother contestants lived next door to me - I?d move. But it does seem that a certain Boy Next Door has already cornered the teenage girl market as he currently graces the cover of Sneak Magazine and he hasn?t even been evicted yet. Michelle is very scary yes but why oh why oh why is Sheriff Stu such a push-over?
Has the privately-educated psychology student cooked up a role as poor, sweet boy who?s fallen straight out of Team Handsome and into the arms of a domineering bunny boiling Geordie fruitcake with frightening aggressive titty fame aspirations and now needs to be rescued by his adoring, innocent tweenage texters? Except now it?s all gone horribly wrong and Bridezilla is controlling Stu?s gameplan and stifling his BB experience? Astute Stu or Stu Pid? Has he?ahem..blown his chances, literally? You Decide.
Dan Dilemma.
I do like Dan but?if he doesn?t want to win - don?t let him. If he is going to walk anyway, he?s technically a wasted 25p vote. I don?t wish Dan any ill because she he?s a worthy diplomat with lovely eyes. But really, he should stick to his word and leg it, get a nose job. Then bugger off back to his pub band. (I love him really, when he?s not singing).
"You?re Slick But My God Don?t You Know It".
Ever since the start of Big Brother, I?ve loves the witty ones, underdogs, antagonists and the master game-players. And for the first time ever, I find myself in a sort of quagmire of quandariness when it comes to Vic The Slick.
If Fight Night or the various rows Victor has embroiled himself in didn?t happen, maybe he would be in my top three favourites as he is a master gameplayer. It?s such a shame really because Victor is witty and very perceptive and I enjoyed his school topic talks and stupid dancing. It?s just such a shame that the son of a school teacher, father and college student couldn?t have shown a bit of dignity and less outright anger when the provocational yet harmless Bedsit Babes returned to the house. I may even have become a Victor fan.
Victor Should Not Have A Y on The End.
But?*sigh*?looking at the photos of Stuart struggling to restrain Victor on Fight Night here in the DS:BB Bunker, it seems people have got Fight Night amnesia. He?s too much of an intimidating doughnut for me to be a supporter. Avanti.
For Fox?s Sake Shell!
"Don?t raise your voice at me Ahmed". Three minutes later, she yells at Ahmed. And she saves lambs according to her best pal but likes foxes to suffer. Clearly a fruitcake, gawd love her.
A Pronunciation Guide: How To Speak The Shell Way In Four Easy Steps!
House: "Hise"
Out: "Eight"
Pound: "Pynde"
Debt: "Daat".
Well done! You can now speak like Shell!
Bunker Bunkum #1 : Voting Beyond The Winner.
I?ve often argued in the past that BB is a game of two halves. The results of the gameshow and whoever makes the best career outside the house. So should we now vote for the gameshow winner or vote for who we can most tolerate on the celeb circuit? Have a good think about that before you vote.
Bunker Bunkum #2: More Editorial Control.
For the last few years, E4 viewers have been able to switch between various live feeds. This meant that a the TV viewer could see two separate live feeds plus changing highlights. We could also track events taking place in different parts of the house at the same time and keep a closer eye on the housemates. This year however, we have only one E4 feed. Not only does this mean we have no choice in what we E4 lot view, but it also means Endemol have more editorial control over what we TV viewers see. And that ain?t good. Knickers to you E4 Endemol people - you?ve ruined our fun.
Ahmania Mania!
Ahmed was a bit like The Cure or Marmite, you either loved or hated him. I was an Ahmed fan because he was a major part of the group dynamic, he bought out the worst in his fellow housemates? characteristics. He tested them, beyond their limits sometimes to the point where they revealed their true colours and began to fling flip-flops, manipulate or just diss him. Yet he was so delightfully naïve and trusting that he allowed himself to be recruited by the Jungle Cats.
A - Amazing?
There were so many great Ahmed moments from plate-smashing, wacky dancing, destroying Maureen, not being a sandwich, "I HATE Him!", attempting the most crap military coup in history, being sexist one minute, then sexual the next, the guy is a BB legend. "A - Amazing, H - Hero, M - Mega, E - Easy, D - Delirious, Woooaaahhhhhh!"
"Dry Your Eyes, Mate" as The Streets would say.
A friend of mine was once so distraught at being dumped by his girlfriend that he did something drastic - he applied for Big Brother. "If I?m on the telly and in the papers, she?ll think I?m famous, fall in love with me again and want me back" he simpered. He didn?t get onto Big Brother. She married a BT engineer from Slough called Rob. Heartbreaking stuff.
And this is Ahmed-related because??
There is something about Ahmed?s rhetoric that I have noticed. He gone from describing BB fame as his "dream" to just dismissing it as "a drama". Meantime, in all his post-eviction press seems to gravitate around one issue - his estranged wife. Though Ahmed may waffle on about how being famous is brilliant etc, I do wonder if subconsciously or well executed plan, it?s also a ploy to win back the missus? Fink abbah ?ih!
I wish Our Ahmed well - whether he ends up a snaggle-toothed non-sandwich singleton or a married Maureen-bashing maniac.
If You Haven?t Read Dean O?Loughlin?s book yet?
I suggest you do. It?s an absolute must for the Big Bro fanatic. Despite typing errors, the book is eloquently written, it gives a good insight into the process from a very honest aspect. At times, I almost felt as if I was walking though the Big Brother doors myself.
Hooked, line and sinker?
Witty, occasionally melancholy but always thought provoking, it?s part personal journey, part Endemol agitator and even part love story. It also raises issues outside of the Big Brother arena which reminded me why I was fan of Mr Hook, Line, Sinker and it brought back great memories of summer 2001. Dean has faced many criticisms over the book but I personally feel that a first-hand perspective of the Endemol experience from a housemate needed to be written and Dean has done a good job given the fact he had to publish the book himself. If you?re a BB junkie, you need this read. (Living In The Box by Dean O?Loughlin is available from the man himself, contact: info@zlistltd.co.uk).
Undresser + Ogle Fogle = Benessa.
Call the Posh Police! Apparently, Princess Vanessa and fellow Reality TV plum, Countryfile presenter and Barbour Jacket-esque toff bloke Ben Fogle have been seen out on dates. Pray to the god of Big Brother immediately as I fear nauseating, glossy photoshoots of Benessa on Safari rabbiting on about environmental issues, starving people blah, blah must surely follow. Good grief. I wonder if Ben has been in Vanessa?s Countryfile yet?
Those Three Little Words.
Ahhh. Michelle and Stuart. Ahmed and Wife. Ben and Vanessa. Big Brother love makes you go all squishy and think of those three precious little words that mean so much: OK! Magazine Exclusives. Pah.
More Soon.
Warning: Emzi reserves the right to reserve the right about reserving the right at any time.
So Slick and Shell are wed rather than Chicken and Sheriff. Phew.I?d rather drink that fish guts milkshake while shaving Jason?s ginger chest and listening to David Hasslehoff?s Greatest Hits than see Stu Pid and Bunny Boiler get it together. So it was with utter horror that I observed their sub-tablecloth activities of Subservient Stu and Megalomaniac Michelle.
Will The Real Stuart Wilson Please Stand Up?
Michelle?s role in the relationship has been much discussed so I thought I?d concentrate on the Sheriff. It been highlighted many times that Stuart uses different guises to survive his times in the house. Jonny Horizontal, Tiagra, Stand In Stu etc. But one of Stuart?s characters seems to have escaped the public?s attention: Mr Submissive Teen-mag Romeo Cutesy Public School Boy Next Door.
Boy Next Door?
Now I have to admit that if most Big Brother contestants lived next door to me - I?d move. But it does seem that a certain Boy Next Door has already cornered the teenage girl market as he currently graces the cover of Sneak Magazine and he hasn?t even been evicted yet. Michelle is very scary yes but why oh why oh why is Sheriff Stu such a push-over?
Has the privately-educated psychology student cooked up a role as poor, sweet boy who?s fallen straight out of Team Handsome and into the arms of a domineering bunny boiling Geordie fruitcake with frightening aggressive titty fame aspirations and now needs to be rescued by his adoring, innocent tweenage texters? Except now it?s all gone horribly wrong and Bridezilla is controlling Stu?s gameplan and stifling his BB experience? Astute Stu or Stu Pid? Has he?ahem..blown his chances, literally? You Decide.
Dan Dilemma.
I do like Dan but?if he doesn?t want to win - don?t let him. If he is going to walk anyway, he?s technically a wasted 25p vote. I don?t wish Dan any ill because she he?s a worthy diplomat with lovely eyes. But really, he should stick to his word and leg it, get a nose job. Then bugger off back to his pub band. (I love him really, when he?s not singing).
"You?re Slick But My God Don?t You Know It".
Ever since the start of Big Brother, I?ve loves the witty ones, underdogs, antagonists and the master game-players. And for the first time ever, I find myself in a sort of quagmire of quandariness when it comes to Vic The Slick.
If Fight Night or the various rows Victor has embroiled himself in didn?t happen, maybe he would be in my top three favourites as he is a master gameplayer. It?s such a shame really because Victor is witty and very perceptive and I enjoyed his school topic talks and stupid dancing. It?s just such a shame that the son of a school teacher, father and college student couldn?t have shown a bit of dignity and less outright anger when the provocational yet harmless Bedsit Babes returned to the house. I may even have become a Victor fan.
Victor Should Not Have A Y on The End.
But?*sigh*?looking at the photos of Stuart struggling to restrain Victor on Fight Night here in the DS:BB Bunker, it seems people have got Fight Night amnesia. He?s too much of an intimidating doughnut for me to be a supporter. Avanti.
For Fox?s Sake Shell!
"Don?t raise your voice at me Ahmed". Three minutes later, she yells at Ahmed. And she saves lambs according to her best pal but likes foxes to suffer. Clearly a fruitcake, gawd love her.
A Pronunciation Guide: How To Speak The Shell Way In Four Easy Steps!
House: "Hise"
Out: "Eight"
Pound: "Pynde"
Debt: "Daat".
Well done! You can now speak like Shell!
Bunker Bunkum #1 : Voting Beyond The Winner.
I?ve often argued in the past that BB is a game of two halves. The results of the gameshow and whoever makes the best career outside the house. So should we now vote for the gameshow winner or vote for who we can most tolerate on the celeb circuit? Have a good think about that before you vote.
Bunker Bunkum #2: More Editorial Control.
For the last few years, E4 viewers have been able to switch between various live feeds. This meant that a the TV viewer could see two separate live feeds plus changing highlights. We could also track events taking place in different parts of the house at the same time and keep a closer eye on the housemates. This year however, we have only one E4 feed. Not only does this mean we have no choice in what we E4 lot view, but it also means Endemol have more editorial control over what we TV viewers see. And that ain?t good. Knickers to you E4 Endemol people - you?ve ruined our fun.
Ahmania Mania!
Ahmed was a bit like The Cure or Marmite, you either loved or hated him. I was an Ahmed fan because he was a major part of the group dynamic, he bought out the worst in his fellow housemates? characteristics. He tested them, beyond their limits sometimes to the point where they revealed their true colours and began to fling flip-flops, manipulate or just diss him. Yet he was so delightfully naïve and trusting that he allowed himself to be recruited by the Jungle Cats.
A - Amazing?
There were so many great Ahmed moments from plate-smashing, wacky dancing, destroying Maureen, not being a sandwich, "I HATE Him!", attempting the most crap military coup in history, being sexist one minute, then sexual the next, the guy is a BB legend. "A - Amazing, H - Hero, M - Mega, E - Easy, D - Delirious, Woooaaahhhhhh!"
"Dry Your Eyes, Mate" as The Streets would say.
A friend of mine was once so distraught at being dumped by his girlfriend that he did something drastic - he applied for Big Brother. "If I?m on the telly and in the papers, she?ll think I?m famous, fall in love with me again and want me back" he simpered. He didn?t get onto Big Brother. She married a BT engineer from Slough called Rob. Heartbreaking stuff.
And this is Ahmed-related because??
There is something about Ahmed?s rhetoric that I have noticed. He gone from describing BB fame as his "dream" to just dismissing it as "a drama". Meantime, in all his post-eviction press seems to gravitate around one issue - his estranged wife. Though Ahmed may waffle on about how being famous is brilliant etc, I do wonder if subconsciously or well executed plan, it?s also a ploy to win back the missus? Fink abbah ?ih!
I wish Our Ahmed well - whether he ends up a snaggle-toothed non-sandwich singleton or a married Maureen-bashing maniac.
If You Haven?t Read Dean O?Loughlin?s book yet?
I suggest you do. It?s an absolute must for the Big Bro fanatic. Despite typing errors, the book is eloquently written, it gives a good insight into the process from a very honest aspect. At times, I almost felt as if I was walking though the Big Brother doors myself.
Hooked, line and sinker?
Witty, occasionally melancholy but always thought provoking, it?s part personal journey, part Endemol agitator and even part love story. It also raises issues outside of the Big Brother arena which reminded me why I was fan of Mr Hook, Line, Sinker and it brought back great memories of summer 2001. Dean has faced many criticisms over the book but I personally feel that a first-hand perspective of the Endemol experience from a housemate needed to be written and Dean has done a good job given the fact he had to publish the book himself. If you?re a BB junkie, you need this read. (Living In The Box by Dean O?Loughlin is available from the man himself, contact: info@zlistltd.co.uk).
Undresser + Ogle Fogle = Benessa.
Call the Posh Police! Apparently, Princess Vanessa and fellow Reality TV plum, Countryfile presenter and Barbour Jacket-esque toff bloke Ben Fogle have been seen out on dates. Pray to the god of Big Brother immediately as I fear nauseating, glossy photoshoots of Benessa on Safari rabbiting on about environmental issues, starving people blah, blah must surely follow. Good grief. I wonder if Ben has been in Vanessa?s Countryfile yet?
Those Three Little Words.
Ahhh. Michelle and Stuart. Ahmed and Wife. Ben and Vanessa. Big Brother love makes you go all squishy and think of those three precious little words that mean so much: OK! Magazine Exclusives. Pah.
More Soon.
Warning: Emzi reserves the right to reserve the right about reserving the right at any time.
More: Reality TV, Big Brother
