Feeds
Here are TEN things I can tell you about the show:
1. The first scene is of a Ferrari submerged in a swimming pool, while the latest episode of Rock Rivals (the show and show-in-a-show share the same name) plays out on a laptop at the poolside.
2. The Rock Rivals judging panel is headed by Mal Faith (Sean Gallagher), an arrogant, selfish character who is known for his harsh put-downs and was responsible for creating the format. His wife Karina (Michelle Collins) is also on the panel.
3. Simon Cowell started off as "creative consultant" to the programme but apparently decided to quit the role after some of the storylines became too "outlandish".
4. The main pin-up is Luke (Sol Heras), whose good looks and talented vocals make him a surefire hit with the ladies - and Mal's best chance of winning the show. He's trying to keep secret that he's copping off with another contestant, Dana.
5. The third judge is Vernon Fentor, an Irish music manager who doesn't quite have the charisma to rival Mal or Karina (sound familiar?). Among his acts is quarrelling Irish boyband Fade Up, one of whom makes a strong impression on Vernon.
6. The female favourite is Bethany, who is mentored by Karina but takes Mal's negative comments very much to heart. Such is the effect on her that in the first episode she appears on the ITV2 spinoff show, imaginatively titled Rock Rivals Extra, and slits her wrists with a pair of scissors. (This show is apparently pre-watershed!!)
7. After the latest live show, Mal retires to his dressing room and ends up getting it on with his creative assistant Jinx Jones. Jinx the minx is keen to expose their affair and secretly switches on Mal's microphone so that everyone in the green room - including Mal's wife - can hear. Karina is furious and demands a divorce, setting the wheels in motion for a fiercely-fought marital feud that will play out throughout the series.
8. Some of the characters have preposterous names. Karina's assistant is a big ol' mama named Sundae Gorgeous, while a talentless but entertaining hopeful has the name Angel Islington! If series two is commissioned, how about Victoria Ruislip? More awful Tube-related name puns to the usual place, please!
9. Every pin-up needs an obsessive stalker, and Luke is no exception. Cue Felix, a single, nerdy fellow who develops an unhealthy lust for the warbling wonder boy. His "companion" is a blow-up doll, Latex Luke, who has become a physical representation of the object of his desire.
10. If you like Footballers' Wives, chances are that you will like this show. It's very much along the same lines: a world of hedonism, where everything is ridiculous and the characters take things to the extremes. It's perhaps not the best way to exploit this concept - there was potential to make it much funnier, for example - but as entertaining piffle, it does its job more than adequately.
Rock Rivals airs on ITV1 from the end of the month.
How does Rock Rivals sound to you? Click the link below to add your comments to this entry.
Don't forget to scroll down to read previous editions you may have missed!
