Everyone's talking about it

A killer on every corner

Just how many murderers do you want in the regular cast of your soaps?

For me, none would be nice. After all these continuing dramas work best when they deal with the minutiae of human relationships rather than plastic gangsters and daft murder plots.

EastEnders “celebrated??? it’s twentieth birthday by creating two more murderers to add to their list. We already had Dennis Rickman living with his guilt over his killing of Jack Dalton. There’s also Dot who helped Ethel on her way in the euthanasia storyline. Now, in Chrissie and Johnny, we have two more to append to the role call. When Phil Mitchell returns there’ll be enough killers in the square to start a support group. Daft.

Wasted opportunities

Andy drops off

The exit of Andy Hunter was as silly as the character had become. Pushed off a bridge by Don Beech out of The Bill, the sound effects were so pathetic as he plummeted that I can only assume it was a homage to the pathetic sound effects when Dirty Den died. The first time he died, that is.

As for Den himself, his return has been an opportunity wasted. His initial scenes with Sharon and Dennis were electric but the annoying “Shannis??? debacle soon put paid to that. Before he left the first time, he positively doted on Vicki but very little was made of that when he re-emerged.

Another mistake was that the relationship with Chrissie was never properly established with the viewers before he went off and had his totally unbelievable affair with Kate the copper. Things all seemed to happen in such a rush whereas the best soap storylines are the slow burners that come to fruition after months and not weeks of nurturing.

The Zoë storyline was merely creepy and unworthy of the character. Such grubbiness was not very pleasant to watch.

Den of iniquity

Final Conflict

Den’s final showdown with Sharon in Friday’s episode showed just how much more could have been done with the material available. The complex relationship between these two characters was dismissed by a brief exchange in the street, which lasted no more than minute. In its heyday, EastEnders would have managed to get a whole half hour two-hander from that exchange and more to the point it would have been compelling viewing and compelling for the right reasons.

As for Den’s eventual demise, the problem there is that we are told so much in advance that it's no surprise at all anymore and as such, any shock value is completely lost.

It didn’t look right either did it? While Zoë’s striking of Den from behind with Pauline’s poodle was marginally believable, Chrissie’s final killer strike appeared to be from the front, but Den, having just made soap history by returning from the dead a second time, didn’t have a mark on his face. Odd that.

Former glories

Twenty years ago, EastEnders had a producer who really cared about the characters and boy did it show. Julia Smith was so dedicated to the show that legend has it she even personally picked out the Christmas cards that the Albert Square residents would send each other, despite the fact that these would only be glimpsed in the back ground. If that sort of level of attention is still being applied today, I’d be surprised.

So how can the show return to former glories? I believe the answer is fairly simple. Firstly, drop an episode. Let’s have less quantity and more quality. Secondly, more believable storylines please. Let’s cut down on the tales of deranged stalkers and nefarious activities of nightclub owners. Exploit the market, where a wealth of stories can be found. If the writers can’t think up, despatch them to the real East End where they will find a wealth of stories at their disposal.

Another thing they should refrain from is looking to the past. The return of Mitchell clan has a high risk in resulting in disappointment whereas new characters come in with less expectation and can get away with more. The Miller family have potential if writers can resist the urge to turn them into a bunch of psychos like they have with so many others.

EastEnders can be great again, the ingredients are still there, but I’d suggest they go back to its roots if they want to be able to truly say that “everyone’s talking about it??? once more.

50 Years of ITV

In 1960, a show called Police Surgeon aired. Starring Ian Hendry in the title role, the crime drama show from ABC was nothing special but is remembered now as the spawning ground for the much more important The Avengers.

Hendry was joined in the spinoff show by Patrick Macnee in a stylised performance as mysterious agent John Steed. While Hendry’s character quickly disappeared from the scene, the show gradually evolved into a two hander between Steed and a succession of female partners, notably Honour Blackman as Cathy Gale and Diana Rigg as Emma Peel (wordplay on m appeal as in man appeal).

The show was a massive success and ran from 1961 to 1969.

From New York to L.A.

Spinoffs are always a risky business with no guarantee of success. While Frasier has been cited as a success, this is a rarity. The first Cheers spinoff, The Tortellis, vanished without trace.

Joey would have a lot to live up to to match the success of Friends, so it would be unfair to compare it in such terms. As US sitcoms go, Joey is better than most and it’s worth sticking with as the show does improve as the season progresses.

The opening double bill has done much to establish the characters and I can assure you that they’ll grow on you in time. You soon stop expecting Chandler or Phoebe to walk in at any minute.

Thankfully, the Joey character hasn’t been radically altered in the transition and doesn’t hog all the best lines. Queen of the pithy putdown is Drea de Matteo. She really is one to watch.