Kaplinsky blues

I thought Kaplinsky was particularly annoying on Eurovision – Making Your Mind Up and I’m relatively certain I’m not alone. As smooth and professional as our Terry is, it really seemed as though that her inanity was getting his goat.

Fair play to Terry for keeping his cool. Before too long I was throwing my foam brick at the telly. Seriously, if the dreaded Kaplinsky is to become a fixture on our screens on anything other than the news, I’m going to have to invest in a few more safe objects to hurl at the screen.

Bruno off Strictly Come Dancing and Jonathan Ross managed to keep the entertainment going – which is more than most of the competing acts managed – but the point of having Kelly Osbourne and the completely uninteresting Fearne Cotton on the panel was lost on me. Why bother with a panel at all?

HearSay’s Kym Marsh and Blue’s Antony Costa both failed to get enough votes, presumably in part because a large chunk of the herd of reality TV lovers were tuned to Dancing On Ice; while winner Daz Sampson may have deserved the plaudits on the night – though I do wonder if those voting for him had been at the sauce - but I don’t think the track will win over our European counterparts.

Next year, let’s just dress the Chuckle Brothers in lederhosen and let them muck about while playing oompah music in the background. Or if that’s not ridiculous enough bring back Jordan, preferably with her hubby in tow. That would at least give us a fighting chance.

Tuning in to the out of tune

While I failed to be wowed by the talent on display at A Song for Europe (its traditional straight forward without spin title) at least they can carry a tune.

Over on The Two of Us that has rarely been the case, though in her favour Penny Smith can see the funny side and has been a great sport and despite the appalling singing I’ve really enjoyed her appearances.

Fiona Phillips had the audacity to think that Penny’s woes made her dancing look good. Fiona, your newsreading colleague has one of worst singing voices I’ve ever heard but compared to you she’s a diva.

There’s nothing worse than seeing someone give their all and not quite pull it off though so I quite felt for Sian as she burst in tears on Friday’s show. We all love a heroic failure in this country and there’s nothing like a bit of crying to get us voting in our droves.

The fact that Russell has a great voice probably doesn’t hurt either.

As for Mark and Natasha, fair cop guv, I was wrong. They’ve been great.

Frozen

I peeked at the final of Dancing on Ice to see Bonnie Langford flying through the air with the greatest of ease. Not actually skating though which surely was supposed to be point.

As soon as I used the phrase “ex-Coronation Street clodhoppers” I just knew one of them would end up winning. Ho-hum. I still think Barrowman was robbed weeks ago.

As for new “comedy” Thin Ice I only managed to get through ten minutes before hitting the off button lest I doze off. Perhaps it’ll be a slow burner but quite frankly the opening minutes were so dire I really didn’t have the patience to stick around and find out.

Good things come in small packages

“Am I short?” Peggy asked of Honey this week in one of EastEnders more surreal moments. When Honey responded that she was “dinky” Barbara Windsor gave us a facial expression that for me was worth her entire year’s salary on its own.

There have been some great moments this week, mainly courtesy of Nicky Henson who seems to have helped Albert square rediscover its funny bone. I’ve been less enamoured of the antics of Kevin Wicks. That car lot has been the source of one dead leg storyline after another for the best part of two decades. Surely it’s time it was bulldozed.

Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know? He's in a best selling show

Hats off to John Simm for a great turn as Sam Tyler in seventies style cop show with a twist Life on Mars but the real plaudits should go to Phillip Glenister who has made the leap from dependable character actor to true star with his marvellous portrayal of the completely unreconstructed Gene Hunt.

In lesser hands this character could have been a total cliché but Glenister has invested the character with heart and pulled the almost impossible by making this dinosaur of a copper likeable and even warm.

The first series was wrapped up nicely as Sam finally discovered what sort of man his father actually was and I’m looking forward to the new series immensely though sadly it’s unlikely to air until next year. Let’s have a few more episodes next time eh?

The key in the show’s success for me was the way coma/time travel premise wasn‘t the key focus of the show with plenty of time given to developing character and this has managed to breathe new life into the crime genre. All concerned should be very proud.

In the middle of the night…

It’s amazing the gold you can spot on the box in wee small hours. ER took a bit of flack from me last week but my reservations that show is merely a shadow of it’s former were reinforced by an episode from season six that I caught on More 4 at half past one in the morning.

As the episode begins Carter and Lucy have been brutally attacked and the focus for the rest of the episode is in the docs desperate efforts to keep their friends alive. This was a great script with tense direction and marvellous performances from an ensemble cast.

Contrast that with the latest from the current season. Neela and Gallant’s wedding? Hardly gripping stuff.

Not so clever Trevor

If it’s gripping stuff you’re after you could a lot worse than tune into Deal Or No Deal which has gradually crept into primetime on Saturday nights.

This week an old gentleman called Trevor was playing the game superbly and his tales about wishing to use his winnings for a trip down under really had the audience in his corner.

However, like so many before him, with pot loads of crash on offer, Trevor was seduced by the game play and left with his dreams shattered, winning just less than the princely sum of 1p. While this stunning reversal was heartbreaking for Trev it made for electric telly for the rest of us.

Even at Saturday’s climax when the worst that plucky contestant Sam could do was to walk away with fifteen grand, the tension was still there.

Noel Edmonds may have his critics over the years – I’m one of them – but really does a fantastic job on this. When the light entertainment awards are being dished out he should certainly be considered.

Sad loss

I was very sorry to hear of the passing of Linda Smith, quite probably the funniest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of listening to.

She was a gem on Radio 4 and wasn’t on the telly anywhere near enough.