TV
My girlfriend had looked at me incredulously as I set the Sky+ for Shaun the Sheep. I’m not sure why, she knows I love Wallace and Gromit but to her I suppose it did seem a little odd that here was a 41 year old man taping a kids' show.
Disappointingly, she actually had a point. Whereas the adventures of a Wensleydale munching inventor and his faithful hound are squarely aimed at us adults who never grew up, the spin-off is unmistakably for kids. Little kids at that. If you're eight years old you’re probably too sophisticated for it already. Bad luck.
I suppose I’m surprised because I thought that we were finally bucking this trend of making children’s programmes for actual children, since unless they also appeal to adults, there’s no decent ratings in them. This is where children’s programming has gone wrong in the last decade, talking down at the kids instead of talking to them, to the point where the likes of Blue Peter have become so patronising that they are barely watchable no matter how old you are. Sam and Mark are a notable exception.
At least the Beeb are still in the game - finding kids shows on ITV1 these days is something akin to looking for a needle in a haystack and even Channel Five is cutting shows for older nippers.
Of course, all the digital channels mean there are countless more hours of children’s programming available now then when I was a kid but quantity doesn’t necessarily mean quality. Compared to what we had when I was a lad, I think today’s kids are missing out.
When they do look to old formats, like the recent revival of Jackanory, they can’t resist the urge to mess with a winning formula and completely muck it up.
Messing with a winning formula
After months of rumours, Kate and Louis were finally confirmed as being out of the fourth series of The X Factor. With albums from Ray Quinn and Ben Mills about to be released, the timing of the announcement was a good way of getting the show back in the public eye. This has never been a franchise that’s shied away from generating publicity to boost music sales.
Changing the format like this is a major gamble. The lowering of the age limit to fourteen will conjure up huge problems I’d have thought, with the chance that the show could be open to accusations of being exploitative. It will certainly play havoc with the education of the youngest competitors to get through, while splitting it into boys vs. girls at that level will also certainly change the nature of the audition shows and the boot camps.
The plus point is that we are bound to see an increase in the number of stage mothers, forcing their kids to do their party piece. That’s always entertaining.
Having four judges in the mix is also a bit of a gamble and let us hope that whoever the new people are, they manage to be constructive in their comments while managing to entertain. As grabbing the public vote is more about how the hopefuls come across on screen rather than how good they’ll be in a recording studio, I reckon they need a TV critic on the panel. The key will be the chemistry between the panellists. Get this wrong and a ratings decline could be on the cards.
We are the angry mob
When ITV suspended its quiz programming I was highly delighted, with real programmes being scheduled for insomniacs rather than those dreadful pointless drab offerings that didn’t test our intelligence one iota.
I suppose they had to choose as cheap fillers as possible and their copy of The Eiger Sanction must be nearly worn out given the number of screenings it’s had on the smaller channels but give me that any day on ITV1 rather than some sub-QVC presenter shamefully mugging to get us to phone in on a particularly useless quiz.
While ITV proper had briefly called a halt to its phone quiz activity, the increasingly annoying GMTV ploughed on with its version complete with Cheggers. Seriously can’t they leave all that malarkey till after 8 o’clock and just use the time before that giving us the essential facts of the day before we head off into traffic mayhem.
Actually a travel news channel might not be a bad idea first thing in the morning. They could fund it by encouraging drivers to phone in traffic black spots to a premium rate number. If you accidentally run over Keith Chegwin while phoning in your report, you get our money back. Sounds good doesn’t it?
Five ended up having to stop its premium rate activities by the end of week, though to be frank I’d have preferred Quiz Call to the insipid Melissa Gilbert sobfest that replaced it on Five Life on Thursday night.
Do you think premium rate interactive services are a rip off? If yes dial 087…only joking.
No Chegwins were harmed in the making of this column.
Only as long as that cable holds
I don’t suppose I can talk about Lost and 24 too much at the moment as all you poor deprived cable viewers are missing out on your latest fix.
It’s probably not giving too much away to say that Charlie had a shave this week. I wish the rest of them would. All that unkempt facial hair is making me itch.
Thinking about it, length of facial hair must be a real issue for the continuity people filming Jack Bauer and his team given that the whole series is supposed to happen in one day.
I’m not gonna stand here and wait
It’s the mark of a great show that you are left desperate for more at the end of an episode and Heroes is yet to disappoint in that regard. Indeed, if anything it’s becoming more compelling as each episode unfolds and we learn more about this disparate group and they ever so slowly begin to come together.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get much better, Hiro – the only thorn in my side where this is concerned – was knocked out cold having been caught using his time bending to cheat at cards. We cheered.
A good time had by all
Shirley may be the most convincing drunk for a couple of decades in EastEnders but that really doesn’t make her any less annoying and her scenes are a pain in the neck to sit through.
Things would be so bad if they weren’t flanked by all this frankly weird Rob-May-Dawn stuff, which is dragging on interminably.
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more shouty – we turn the volume down when Carly comes on – we had the return of Kevin Wicks.
Kevin had been wandering around Dungeness with Owen out of Torchwood. When he turned up in Albert Square, Owen was nowhere to be seen, he was covered in claret and so traumatised, he snogged Shirley, not something a bloke is full charge of his faculties is likely to do.
I’ll be disappointed now if Gwen and Captain Jack don’t turn up to investigate.
Cold drama
Matthew Kelly may be chillingly convincing as the warped Brian Wicklow in Cold Blood but everyone else is so sombre in the piece that it comes across a total gloomfest.
Now we’re used to seeing John Hannah wander around in dramas like a back cloud looking for someone’s day to ruin but couple him with Jemma Redgrave, a woman who has taken to looking permanently distraught – did the wind change at some point? – and the result is a drama so depressing, it should be sponsored by Prozac. Even the presence of David “Star Cops” Calder couldn’t lift this into anything that’s likely to draw in the big crowds.
It would also be nice if we could see Andrew Tiernan – one of our most interesting actors – not playing a manic psychopath for a change. Why not cast him as the detective? That might prove a tad more engrossing and original.
The whole thing left me cold.
Really old Bill
We thought we’d seen the last of him but Jim Carver – now a Detective Sergeant from oop north – creaked back on to our screens to make sure that even creakier old June Ackland – who is starting to look more past it than Dixon of Dock Green - got a belting two part send off.
Jim is the bloke that broke June’s heart and managed to gamble away her life savings but that didn’t prevent the grand old lady of Sun Hill from doing her duty and ending up on an “obo” with her untrustworthy ex within minutes of his arrival. They’d barely had time to exchange pleasantries or discuss Jim’s Gamblers Anonymous meetings before they came under gunfire.
Jim wanted June back. Surely she could have been allowed to leave without trailing down this battered old story arc one time. I found it hard to concentrate because every time I looked at Jim’s crumpled face, it just reminded me that I should be doing the ironing.
June’s departure marks the last remaining link being broken with the show’s debut and another good reason not to bother with it anymore.
At least June got out in one piece from a station with a death rate so high they’ve probably got their own hearse by now.
Gimme more options
Before the world of the red button, I was quite happy not to go interactive but now we have been spoilt by some cracking applications, I want more. Unable to choose between the Liverpool game on ITV1 and the Chelsea game on ITV4, I found myself flicking between the two, a sure fire way of missing vital action on both games. This hit-and-miss way of watching the action was further complicated by frequent trips to three Sky Sports channels to check on progress in the other games.
What I really wanted was a split screen option so that I could follow both games at the same time, preferably with other latest scores scrolling along the bottom.
While I’d never applaud violence, the most exciting event of the night though proved to be the mass brawl between the players of Valencia and Inter Milan, which at one point had a chase sequence worthy of Benny Hill.
Who needs WWE when you’ve got overpaid footie players?
Over expose Red Nose
When Comic Relief first started it got an Omnibus special on BBC One. Then a year or so later a whole night of BBC airtime was devoted to the cause and it rapidly became a bi-annual event.
Now the charity seems to talking over the channel completely with Fame Academy dominating the evening schedules and even special episodes of shows such as Casualty, The Apprentice and Car Booty being crammed into the schedules. Indeed it’s difficult to tune to the first channel on the dial without someone trying to tug at your heartstrings and get you to donate.
I think it is slightly disturbing the amount of coverage Comic Relief is given which is way out of proportion to that given to other fundraising events. It even seems to dwarf the BBC’s own Children In Need in size and scale. Now if this has no effect on the revenue of other good causes then there’s nothing to worry about. I’m not a hundred percent sure if that’s the case.
Meanwhile a big fuss has been made about Terry Wogan getting paid for hosting Children in Need. As long as his thirty pieces of silver comes out of my licence fee rather than the charity pot, I can’t see a massive problem with it. I’d always assumed that the masses of technical people involved in what is a very complicated production were being paid, so why not the presenter?
Coming up…
Next week, my views on Comic Relief does Fame Academy, Castaway and the current state of ITV.
Disappointingly, she actually had a point. Whereas the adventures of a Wensleydale munching inventor and his faithful hound are squarely aimed at us adults who never grew up, the spin-off is unmistakably for kids. Little kids at that. If you're eight years old you’re probably too sophisticated for it already. Bad luck.
I suppose I’m surprised because I thought that we were finally bucking this trend of making children’s programmes for actual children, since unless they also appeal to adults, there’s no decent ratings in them. This is where children’s programming has gone wrong in the last decade, talking down at the kids instead of talking to them, to the point where the likes of Blue Peter have become so patronising that they are barely watchable no matter how old you are. Sam and Mark are a notable exception.
At least the Beeb are still in the game - finding kids shows on ITV1 these days is something akin to looking for a needle in a haystack and even Channel Five is cutting shows for older nippers.
Of course, all the digital channels mean there are countless more hours of children’s programming available now then when I was a kid but quantity doesn’t necessarily mean quality. Compared to what we had when I was a lad, I think today’s kids are missing out.
When they do look to old formats, like the recent revival of Jackanory, they can’t resist the urge to mess with a winning formula and completely muck it up.
Messing with a winning formula
After months of rumours, Kate and Louis were finally confirmed as being out of the fourth series of The X Factor. With albums from Ray Quinn and Ben Mills about to be released, the timing of the announcement was a good way of getting the show back in the public eye. This has never been a franchise that’s shied away from generating publicity to boost music sales.
Changing the format like this is a major gamble. The lowering of the age limit to fourteen will conjure up huge problems I’d have thought, with the chance that the show could be open to accusations of being exploitative. It will certainly play havoc with the education of the youngest competitors to get through, while splitting it into boys vs. girls at that level will also certainly change the nature of the audition shows and the boot camps.
The plus point is that we are bound to see an increase in the number of stage mothers, forcing their kids to do their party piece. That’s always entertaining.
Having four judges in the mix is also a bit of a gamble and let us hope that whoever the new people are, they manage to be constructive in their comments while managing to entertain. As grabbing the public vote is more about how the hopefuls come across on screen rather than how good they’ll be in a recording studio, I reckon they need a TV critic on the panel. The key will be the chemistry between the panellists. Get this wrong and a ratings decline could be on the cards.
We are the angry mob
When ITV suspended its quiz programming I was highly delighted, with real programmes being scheduled for insomniacs rather than those dreadful pointless drab offerings that didn’t test our intelligence one iota.
I suppose they had to choose as cheap fillers as possible and their copy of The Eiger Sanction must be nearly worn out given the number of screenings it’s had on the smaller channels but give me that any day on ITV1 rather than some sub-QVC presenter shamefully mugging to get us to phone in on a particularly useless quiz.
While ITV proper had briefly called a halt to its phone quiz activity, the increasingly annoying GMTV ploughed on with its version complete with Cheggers. Seriously can’t they leave all that malarkey till after 8 o’clock and just use the time before that giving us the essential facts of the day before we head off into traffic mayhem.
Actually a travel news channel might not be a bad idea first thing in the morning. They could fund it by encouraging drivers to phone in traffic black spots to a premium rate number. If you accidentally run over Keith Chegwin while phoning in your report, you get our money back. Sounds good doesn’t it?
Five ended up having to stop its premium rate activities by the end of week, though to be frank I’d have preferred Quiz Call to the insipid Melissa Gilbert sobfest that replaced it on Five Life on Thursday night.
Do you think premium rate interactive services are a rip off? If yes dial 087…only joking.
No Chegwins were harmed in the making of this column.
Only as long as that cable holds
I don’t suppose I can talk about Lost and 24 too much at the moment as all you poor deprived cable viewers are missing out on your latest fix.
It’s probably not giving too much away to say that Charlie had a shave this week. I wish the rest of them would. All that unkempt facial hair is making me itch.
Thinking about it, length of facial hair must be a real issue for the continuity people filming Jack Bauer and his team given that the whole series is supposed to happen in one day.
I’m not gonna stand here and wait
It’s the mark of a great show that you are left desperate for more at the end of an episode and Heroes is yet to disappoint in that regard. Indeed, if anything it’s becoming more compelling as each episode unfolds and we learn more about this disparate group and they ever so slowly begin to come together.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get much better, Hiro – the only thorn in my side where this is concerned – was knocked out cold having been caught using his time bending to cheat at cards. We cheered.
A good time had by all
Shirley may be the most convincing drunk for a couple of decades in EastEnders but that really doesn’t make her any less annoying and her scenes are a pain in the neck to sit through.
Things would be so bad if they weren’t flanked by all this frankly weird Rob-May-Dawn stuff, which is dragging on interminably.
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more shouty – we turn the volume down when Carly comes on – we had the return of Kevin Wicks.
Kevin had been wandering around Dungeness with Owen out of Torchwood. When he turned up in Albert Square, Owen was nowhere to be seen, he was covered in claret and so traumatised, he snogged Shirley, not something a bloke is full charge of his faculties is likely to do.
I’ll be disappointed now if Gwen and Captain Jack don’t turn up to investigate.
Cold drama
Matthew Kelly may be chillingly convincing as the warped Brian Wicklow in Cold Blood but everyone else is so sombre in the piece that it comes across a total gloomfest.
Now we’re used to seeing John Hannah wander around in dramas like a back cloud looking for someone’s day to ruin but couple him with Jemma Redgrave, a woman who has taken to looking permanently distraught – did the wind change at some point? – and the result is a drama so depressing, it should be sponsored by Prozac. Even the presence of David “Star Cops” Calder couldn’t lift this into anything that’s likely to draw in the big crowds.
It would also be nice if we could see Andrew Tiernan – one of our most interesting actors – not playing a manic psychopath for a change. Why not cast him as the detective? That might prove a tad more engrossing and original.
The whole thing left me cold.
Really old Bill
We thought we’d seen the last of him but Jim Carver – now a Detective Sergeant from oop north – creaked back on to our screens to make sure that even creakier old June Ackland – who is starting to look more past it than Dixon of Dock Green - got a belting two part send off.
Jim is the bloke that broke June’s heart and managed to gamble away her life savings but that didn’t prevent the grand old lady of Sun Hill from doing her duty and ending up on an “obo” with her untrustworthy ex within minutes of his arrival. They’d barely had time to exchange pleasantries or discuss Jim’s Gamblers Anonymous meetings before they came under gunfire.
Jim wanted June back. Surely she could have been allowed to leave without trailing down this battered old story arc one time. I found it hard to concentrate because every time I looked at Jim’s crumpled face, it just reminded me that I should be doing the ironing.
June’s departure marks the last remaining link being broken with the show’s debut and another good reason not to bother with it anymore.
At least June got out in one piece from a station with a death rate so high they’ve probably got their own hearse by now.
Gimme more options
Before the world of the red button, I was quite happy not to go interactive but now we have been spoilt by some cracking applications, I want more. Unable to choose between the Liverpool game on ITV1 and the Chelsea game on ITV4, I found myself flicking between the two, a sure fire way of missing vital action on both games. This hit-and-miss way of watching the action was further complicated by frequent trips to three Sky Sports channels to check on progress in the other games.
What I really wanted was a split screen option so that I could follow both games at the same time, preferably with other latest scores scrolling along the bottom.
While I’d never applaud violence, the most exciting event of the night though proved to be the mass brawl between the players of Valencia and Inter Milan, which at one point had a chase sequence worthy of Benny Hill.
Who needs WWE when you’ve got overpaid footie players?
Over expose Red Nose
When Comic Relief first started it got an Omnibus special on BBC One. Then a year or so later a whole night of BBC airtime was devoted to the cause and it rapidly became a bi-annual event.
Now the charity seems to talking over the channel completely with Fame Academy dominating the evening schedules and even special episodes of shows such as Casualty, The Apprentice and Car Booty being crammed into the schedules. Indeed it’s difficult to tune to the first channel on the dial without someone trying to tug at your heartstrings and get you to donate.
I think it is slightly disturbing the amount of coverage Comic Relief is given which is way out of proportion to that given to other fundraising events. It even seems to dwarf the BBC’s own Children In Need in size and scale. Now if this has no effect on the revenue of other good causes then there’s nothing to worry about. I’m not a hundred percent sure if that’s the case.
Meanwhile a big fuss has been made about Terry Wogan getting paid for hosting Children in Need. As long as his thirty pieces of silver comes out of my licence fee rather than the charity pot, I can’t see a massive problem with it. I’d always assumed that the masses of technical people involved in what is a very complicated production were being paid, so why not the presenter?
Coming up…
Next week, my views on Comic Relief does Fame Academy, Castaway and the current state of ITV.
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