Spare us the Cutter

Did all this conspiracy stuff get right on your nerves in Primeval? What on earth was wrong with using the dinosaurs as the nominal baddies? Was anyone really bothered about the machinations of wimpy bad guy Oliver Leek?

Leek's end wasn't graphically shown and neither was that of lantern jawed second fiddle hero Stephen, who has spent most of this season being misled by creepy anomaly-jumping Helen. I'm not entirely sure how she had managed to mesmerise him but I'm betting that her ridiculously hoisted up cleavage has had some sort of impact. It did on me, reminding me that I was running low on grapefruits.

I think my main problem with the show is that I actually don't like any of the main characters. I think we were supposed to be emotionally moved when Stephen made the ultimate sacrifice and the reaction the makers were trying to illicit was not the conga we started at Hogan Towers as the creatures moved in for the kill.

The big graveside cliffhanger didn't exactly get me all excited about series three. We don't need convoluted sci-fi plots, less of that and more of Ben Miller letting rip with a machine gun would be nice.

The biggest disappointment though has been emotional train wreck Nick Cutter, who spent most of season one moping over his deranged time-jumping wife and this one trying to wrap his head around the fact that Claudia isn't Claudia anymore. Anyone else miffed that it was Rex that got shot and not Jenny?

A big centrepiece of the finale was the long brewing cat fight between Abby and Caroline. WWE fights are more believable.


Crazy, yes. In love?

Are you one of those people who slows down to have a good look when they see an accident on the other side of the motorway? If yes, then you're probably also watching Kerry Katona – Crazy in Love on MTV One.

Rumours are that this show was edited to show Kerry in a better light. Surely not. How much worse can it have it been?

Is this really supposed to be fly on the wall about a couple in love? Certainly the look of love was in hubby Mark's eyes. This was however when he taking delivery of his new flash sports car rather than in any scenes of intimacy with Kerry.

In a way though this is an interesting insight into the world of vacuous celebrity and if it's at all accurate than it just confirms what a superficial but lucrative world it is.

Most disturbing was a scene with Kerry bemoaning her media coverage in the back of a car and denying that she still had feelings for ex Brian. Her mouth said one thing but her facial expressions said something totally different.

It may have been possible to feel some sympathy for the pregnant Kerry but there were several scenes of her requesting a smoke and one prior to her appearance on Jonathan Ross where it appeared that she'd quickly demolished a glass of wine.

If this show is supposed to cement Kerry's place in our hearts it may well backfire spectacularly. You can only justify your existence with “I won the jungle” for so long.

True Brit

I never thought I'd say this but thank goodness for Kelly Osbourne. Without her keeping things on track – admittedly with about as charisma as Stephen Hawking reading a telephone directory – the whole The Brit Awards shindig would probably have descended into chaos.

Now fair play to Ozzy, you can't expect much more from him than to sway on the edge of things throwing in the odd Jon Culshaw impression, while Jack was never going to be much more than an unnecessary piece of stage dressing, but it was Sharon who shocked by rambling inanely throughout like that embarrassing aging aunt that you fear you may have to put into a home.

“What have they come as?” she slurred at the Arctic Monkeys about half an hour after the rest of the nation had more soberly pondered on the same question.

It was achingly apparent that no one really gave a damn about the awards themselves so it was the performances that really mattered, though fair play to the Arctics for ripping into the acceptance speech culture with their mickey take of The Brit School.

Most pre-publicity had orbited around the appearance of Amy Winehouse and she did manage to totter onto the stage and deliver what I thought was a passable turn, though I bet the director was getting twitchy over which camera angles to go with as she hitched her hem higher and higher. It was revealed in The Brits Backstage that Amy thought her performance was execrable. Possibly a bit harsh on herself there.

Highlight of the show was Paul McCartney who won a lifetime achievement award - he must have dozens of those by now – and dedicated it to Linda. Heather was strangely airbrushed from history in a montage of images of his life.

Take That managed to win awards based on public voting so we can only assume their families will have some pretty heavy phone bills to pay but the real highlight for me was the attitude of Adele because it was just nice to see an award won by a normal person that we can actually relate to.

It was the collaborations that really held the interest though. Beth Ditto taking on Mika was fascinating to watch but I'm pretty sure that I never want to see it again, while The Klaxons 'attempt to breathe new life into the massively overplayed 'Umbrella' was an absolutely glorious failure.

Daniel

It's a bit of a jolt when Emmerdale tackles a serious subject but they've done a good job tackling the difficult issue of cot death.

Laurel has often been comic relief in the show but when asked to come up with the goods in this moving storyline, Charlotte Bellamy certainly came up trumps. It was a tear jerking episode and she was outstanding in it.


Gruesome

There was a horrific injury during the live Birmingham v Arsenal match on Sky Sports. Fortunately, the full horror of the incident wasn't captured from the live camera angle and Sky commendably decided not to show the incident from other angles. They managed to convey that this was a very nasty situation from the reaction of the other players and this was the right thing to do.

Match of the Day decided not to shield us from the terrible sight, indeed showing it graphically and in slow motion. I certainly think it was unnecessary. In the Sunday morning repeat, the action was stopped just before the point of contact, sparing us a very ghastly sight while not detracting from the explanation of exactly what had happened.

Real heroes

Ross Kemp in Afghanistan concluded with some stark truths. I kept thinking back to a comment from Simon Weston during the Falklands anniversary last year, that more soldiers were lost to suicide following that conflict than were lost in battle. I'd like to think that a quarter of a century on things will be different but I fear they may not be.

Kemp deserves a lot of credit for his illuminating look at the situation our armed forces are facing. Despite all the moments of peril over the five episodes, the scenes that have really stayed with me have been those with the bereaved families.

It's not been an easy watch by any stretch of the imagination but it's probably the most important programme Sky One has ever shown.

Bits 'n' Bobs

Are BBC Breakfast's Kate Silverton and Bingo out of The Banana Splits related?

The good news about Kaplinsky's departure to Five News is that we're not paying for her on the licence fee anymore. On the downside, her new show seems not to bother with the actual news.

Violet and Jamie have been plotting to run away from Coronation Street. Thank goodness for that, I never could see the point of them. This will of course prove painful for Sean but not half as painful as having to sit through the hopefully defunct Antony Cotton Show.

Why on earth screen Happy Birthday Brucie at the same time as Dancing On Ice when the shows would clearly attract the same audience. Annoying.

ITV3 isn't all repeats of whodunits these days, mostly but not all. A cracking exception is Clocking Off which is enjoying a much appreciated rerun. Great writing and great performances, a tad better then the incessant New Tricks repeats that are blighting the BBC One schedule.