If Reality Bites was in charge of Ultimate BB

Ultimate Big Brother is a matter of one week away and pretty much everyone has their own opinion about who should go in for the last two weeks of Big Brother on Channel 4. Reality Bites has been getting some sleepless nights over the last couple of weeks choosing who we'd like to see in the UBB house and we've finally come up with a Top 13. Our only rules were that there must be one housemate from each series, and there can only be three Celeb BB stars. Here is our final selection:

Anna Nolan:
'Nasty' Nick has said that he won't do it. Craig Phillips was just, well, a bit boring. And we're not sure if anyone's still got Darren Ramsay's telephone number at Channel 4 HQ. So from the first cycle there can only really be one pick - Anna, the lesbian ex-nun. She finished runner-up, has had success as a journalist and is Davina's favourite ever contestant, so she more than merits a spot in the UBB compound. The only question is: Would she want to?

Helen Adams
Before Jade Goody, before Nikki Grahame, way before Chanelle, Chantelle and Josie, there was one truly great slightly dippy blonde-haired lass who won our hearts on Big Brother. Thanks to her romance with Paul Clarke and high spirits, ditsy hairdresser Helen landed second place in 2001 and was for a brief period a regular fixture on the showbiz magazine circuit. Of course, some would prefer her series two rival Brian Dowling, but to even up the number of females to males, the camp TV presenter didn't make our cut.

Alex Sibley
Kate Lawler has insisted that she won't be involved, Jonny Regan is long-forgotten, while sadly Jade will not be returning for a third stint in the BB compound. So it falls on the next best thing from BB3 to step into the breach and show us why that's the way "aha-aha" he likes it. Clean-freak and male totty, he would hopefully bring an element of calm composure to the ego-stuffed Ultimate BB house.

Jon Tickle
While the BB producers may have done their best to write series four out of history, we still have a soft spot for the 2003 run. We'd probably leave winner Cameron up in Orkney and we're not sure many viewers would recognise Ray, Gos or Nush, so we reckon there's only one option left. Time for some Tickle! The first BB geek, who was seen as the show's saviour in a relatively quiet year in terms of drama. We'd love to see how the Brainiac host would cope with some of the 'bubbly' characters from yesteryear.

Victor Ebuwa
Yes, yes, yes, we know some of you simply loved Nadia. The BB producers and Channel 4 never fail to tell us that she was their favourite winner. But for the Big Brother hardcore, the viewers who love the livefeed rather than the edited down tabloid stories and manufactured contestants' "journeys", there can only be one person coming back from series five. The Slick Man, the rapper/part-time hitman, the only VIP, Victor Ebuwa. The Jungle Cats founder and controversial Fight Night participant is a must for UBB, in our eyes.

Makosi Musambasi
A truly baffling and bizarre character from a series jam-packed with extreme personalities, Makosi was the dominant figure in Big Brother 6. Anffony Hutton may have won, Kinga may have stole the headlines with her wine bottle, but Makosi was the person who kept us watching night after night. Her gameplaying, odd Diary Room revelations and night-time sauciness kept viewers glued in 2005.

Nikki Grahame
"Who is she? Who is she! WHO IS SHE!" She may have divided the nation back in 2006, and her return to the house was one of the biggest mistakes the producers ever made, but it wouldn't be Ultimate Big Brother without her. So for that reason alone, Nikki Grahame must be in the house. Still not convinced, then think about these questions: Who would annoy the other housemates more than anyone else? Who has the biggest ego in BB history? Who would you most like to see taking part in the electrocution task? We answered Nikki every time.

Samanda
To be honest, it was a real struggle to pick anyone from Big Brother 8. The fourth run is often derided as the most dull, but with big bores like Liam, Carole and Ziggy and irritants like Billi Bhatti and Charley Uchea, there wasn't much to redeem the 2007 series. Rather than the BB producers' favourite Belo, we opted for the sprightly twins Sam and Amanda, who we've entered as a single unit. Well, they were rarely apart in the house and have been pretty much inseparable since. The only condition is that they must not sing their post-BB8 disaster 'Barbie Girl'.

Rex Newmark
There was only one contestant from series nine who really deserves a mention when it comes to Ultimate Big Brother. Nope, we're not talking about dull Dale or Bex 'put them away' Shiner, we mean the arrogant, wealthy, show-off and wannabe celebrity chef Rex. Not scared of telling people the harshest of truths and peeing off his fellow housemates, our personal highlight of his time in the house was when he didn't bother to order any shopping for the group, instead opting to buy a load of BB tokens. It's that sort of attitude we want to see driving the housemates up the wall in UBB.

Marcus Akin
Quite frankly how Marcus didn't win last year's Big Brother still remains a mystery to us. The self-proclaimed Irrepressible Dark Horse provided us with hours of Diary Room gold and we'd love to seem him teaming up with BB5's Victor for some late-night antics. Perhaps they could form the Jungle Cats Version 2.0. He wouldn't stand for any nonsense from the celebs or BB stars, which would be useful with Nikki G and Samanda running wild. But maybe, as it's only a two-week stint, you could give the 'Graveyard Shifts' a rest this time Marcus.

Stephen Baldwin
Alex Reid may have won the show, but there was only one real star on this year's Celebrity Big Brother. When he stopped to put his Bible down for longer than a couple of seconds, Stephen Baldwin was one half fruit-loop, one half living legend. His film career may have gone down the toilet a long time ago, but inside the Elstree compound the preacher found a new calling. If he isn't among the celebrity contestants and John McCririck is, then shame on Channel 4.

Pete Burns
Quite simply the biggest bitch to ever enter the Big Brother house. Pete Burns ripped a hole right through the fourth celebrity run with his waspish wit and piercing put-downs. Barrymore was more loopy, Galloway more egotistical, but Burns provided the dark, edgy humour, which made the 2006 series arguably the best celeb run ever. We're not sure how the likes of Nikki, Marcus and Victor would take to Pete's snarky asides, but that will be the beauty of UBB.

Chantelle & Preston
So we sort of cheated by putting these two in together, but if you're anything like us you are probably more than a little curious to see where it all went wrong for these two BB lovebirds. We've seen numerous couples form on the show and split up in the tabloids afterwards, but this would be the first time we've seen a pair forced to live with each other again afterwards. Both camps are now supposedly amicable, so it would be intriguing to see how they got on when forced together for a second time. Would love blossom once more?

What do you think to our lineup? Who would be in yours if you followed our rules? Leave your opinions in the box below: