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'Geordie Shore: Magaluf Madness': Sun, sex and reality TV - recap

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"Sunbathe and chat around the pool. F**k that, I want to find some slags." Wise words indeed from James Tindale, one of the eight tanned and randy 20-somethings that make up the cast of Geordie Shore.

Tindale and his pals have packed up their shortest skirts, hair gel and Fake Bake for a summer jaunt on the Spanish island of Magaluf. MTV's camera crew went along for the ride and captured every last boob flash, strip club jaunt, wet T-shirt contest and snuggle under the duvet.

The girls from Geordie Shore

© MTV



If you've ever watched Booze Britain and wondered what the caught-on-camera WKD-guzzlers would look like on holiday, we now have the answer.

Self-proclaimed "sl*t of the year" Sophie Kasaei helped boost the image of Brits abroad no-end, promising to leave "dirty condoms" and "dirty socks" on the bedroom floor in their rented villa and kicking off at the lack of booze in the fridge. "F**king loaf of bread," she cries, as if someone had just left a dead animal in the kitchen.

Gaz from Geordie Shore

© MTV



Before the frolics and wet T-shirt contests, the Geordie collective had to catch up of course. Gaz no longer wants to "bang" Charlotte. Jay definitely doesn't want to "smash" Vicky. And most importantly, Holly has dyed her hair red.

That groundbreaking revelation prompts Charlotte's exclamation: "Holly is a new person. She's like a red-headed tomato. This cherry tomato in my face." From that sophisticated high, the show does take a slight dip in moral standards for the rest of the episode as "getting mortal" and "tashing on" becomes the order of the day.

Charlotte from Geordie Shore

© MTV



Out on the town, the boys take part in a sex position contest, Charlotte "gets a little wide on", Holly gets her boobs out (again and again) and Jay makes philosophical statements like, "It's not called Shagaluf for nothing... everyone has one thing in their mind... banging!"

Like a Daily Mail reader's nightmare with adverts thrust in the middle, the show descends into blazing rows, pool parties, fumbles under duvets with multiple partners, contests over who can pull blokes ("I'm going to have to get my bum out a lot, because Vicky's face is hot") and vile insults ("She's a mobility scooter bird. Good to ride, but you don't want anyone to see you with her.") It's all enough to make you feel quite happy to be stuck indoors glued to your desk in rainy old England.

Geordie Shore: Magaluf Madness continues on Tuesday, August 30 at 10pm on MTV

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