Stepford Osmond?

I woke up on Wednesday to hear Jenni Falconer rabbitting on about whether Elaine Lordan will get paid for her blink-and-you-missed-it stint in the jungle. Just how much more downmarket can GMTV go? Surely that’s a private matter between the concerned parties and not the sort of tittle-tattle worthy of precious brekkie telly time. Personally I wanted to hear more on the X Factor’s Louis Walsh story. Truth or publicity stunt?

I’m glad that Elaine has not been allowed to return to the jungle, an excellent decision though at the time of writing this I’ve heard no word of a replacement, which seems a pity.

Unflappable

Undoubted star of the early shows, for all the wrong reasons, has been C. Thatch. I’ve always found Carol witty and enjoyable to listen to on the occasions she has popped up on Radio 4 so the version we are seeing here is somewhat at odds with the image I’d had of her.

Weegate has been an easy thing for the highlights to focus on but Carol’s ability to operate on little or no food should fuel rumours that she’s not quite human. Superhuman or alien? You decide.

Carol’s unflappable nature and stoicism took much of the pleasure away from her bush tucker trial. Imagine the fun of watching the sheer panic if Burrell or Appleton had been driving that car across those perilous tracks. It was such a cakewalk for Miss T. that we didn’t even see steely resolve as she took on the danger or crushed disappointment when only getting four stars.

She may as well have been on a trip to Tesco.

"Little" Jimmy

There’s something about Jimmy Osmond too. Surely nobody can really be that polite. Is he one of the Stepford Osmonds? If anyone had stuck me in a pen of full of kangaroos, I’m sure my language would have been far more industrial. Sadly for the empty bellies back at camp, Little Jimmy isn’t so little these days. He’s certainly not built for speed and again only four stars were retrieved.

I’m worried that the emus may be suffering an identity crisis having been dubbed both Kylie and Jason and Shearer and Owen. This little stunt seems so last series though and we don’t even have to joy of Joe Pasquale taking them for walks this time around. The arrival of the birds at least gave Sheree yet something else to have a whinge over. Her moaning is already starting to grate and we’re only a few days in. I dread to think how irritating she’ll become if the meagre portions they are living on diminish.

Suffice it to say that her number is already on speed dial for when we get to vote the “celebs??? out. I’m starting to understand why Emmerdale producers felt the need to drop the pub on her head.

Anyone who enjoyed Dealing with Dickinson will be anticipating The Duke blowing his stack. He’s simmering nicely at the moment but at some stage you just know he’s going to blow. He seems to be getting on with the younger members of the camp but a major blow up with Jilly would be telly worth seeing.

Wasn’t it nice of Sid to share with his childhood bed wetting problems? In any other circumstances, I’d say that was too much information but the fact that he was worried that he could be the mystery urinator yet again showed him in a good light.

More from me in a couple of days.