“ Popstars ”
Tears and sadness and happiness
Donna Air looked permanently bewildered while Dane and Hayley also floundered with the live format. Added to this mix, for no discernable reason were failed contestant and new dad Jeremy and Wudya Cudja host Abbie. The entire thing was a shameless example of pointless time filling. Where’s Kate Thornton when you really need her?
Over on the main show, Davina shone. Literally. I couldn’t work out if it was that glittery make up stuff or if the studio lights were too hot for her.
Emotions were running high among the contestants while the judges were really nice to everyone! Boring! Only Chris came in for anything approaching criticism from Louis the Lip who turned up dressed as a bank manager. Waterman loved everyone like he was their agent and Ms. Halliwell was about as articulate as I was expecting, sadly.
So with the judges being so nice, I’ve decided to pull my waistband up to armpits and deliver some Cowell-like comments on the hopefuls:
Keith Semple: He warbled “I’ll be there??? but he won’t be much longer with performances like this. The wrong song for his voice in my opinion and he’s a rocker, not boy band material.
Chris Park: A parody of a performance, I was sure he was playing it for laughs. This guy will become a star but not necessarily in the music biz. “Send in the Clowns??? would have been more appropriate.
Jamie Shaw: Sang “When you’re in love with a beautiful woman??? but doesn’t look old enough to have been. Bland, perfect material for a boy band.
Daniel Pearce: Cracking voice, missing that je ne sais quoi that would make him a solo star but ideal for the band.
Andrew Kinlochan: Sounded ten times better in his reprise when voted off than he did when it mattered. An example of how tough this format is on performers. Respect to the guy.
Anton Gordon: Too good for the band if you ask me. Really soulful voice. If he doesn’t get it he’ll surely be signed up for a solo career. A real find.
Matt “Consider Yourself??? Johnson: Oh dear! I was constantly distracted by the fact that this guy’s head is way too big for his body. He looks like a Thunderbirds puppet. I suppose his baby faced looks will see him through but I thought his vocal was weak and his air punching is getting right on my nerves.
Nikk Mager : I can barely remember his performance and that can’t be good. My notes just say “bland???.
Peter Smith: Hampered by some shameless mugging by backing singers Chris and Matt, sounded great but looked distinctly uncomfortable.
Mikey Green It’s not where start it’s where you finish. I was preparing to write Mikey off but he improved as the song went on. He needed to.
All in all, not a bad piece of Saturday night entertainment. If they start to include footage of the fallouts, punch-ups and people escaping through windows they may have a hit on their hands.
Was it just me or did anyone else find all those crocodile tears at then end very American? Whatever happened to the stiff upper lip?
Perhaps they should replace the departed Nicola with Hayley Evetts. At least it would spare us her presenting skills.
More next week.