Shout Shout Let It All Out

Another week, another truckload of crushed dreams from the X Factor.

It’s becoming clear now that many patently useless performers are being placed in front of the celebrity judges merely so that can be slated to make “good telly???. This means that some of these hopefuls are having their expectations raised ahead of the slap down they’ll inevitably receive.

It’s cruel.

First up this week was Jackie, whose audition appears to have been included as a demonstration of shouty contestants. What’s interesting is that rather than helping the shouty singers find their true voice, they are summarily, sometimes rudely dismissed.

One of last year’s better failures, Shanai was back for another stab at stardom and hey, let’s face it, she’s already had more primetime screen time than many pop stars who’ve made it get. Simon still loves her though and she waltzed through to the next stage.

Young Damon didn’t really have the looks to be a teen idol and I feared he’d be shown the door before he sang a note. His singing style seemed over stylised and probably needs to simplify his approach but I don’t think we’ve heard the last of him somehow. He seemed so determined.

Amanda gave us her rendition of What a Feeling. I was feeling for the mute button. What came next was surreal. Meant 2 B are a boy-girl double act that seems to have escaped from a 1970’s cabaret restaurant. If Seaside Special was running, they’d have a chance. It was the kind of act that used to win heats on New Faces. If you don’t believe that, catch the repeats on Challenge. It wasn’t that they were bad, merely that they are the sort of act my granny would enjoy and she’s 91.

Is anyone else getting sick of Fields of Gold? I am. Hordes of wannabes plump for this. Joanne used this as her audition piece and managed to make a pleasant enough noise. She seems highly emotional and this could make for more “good telly??? further down the line.

Another song that is starting to grate features the word “Amarillo??? and Taboo who claimed to be a vocal harmony group managed to make it sound even more irritating. You get the feeling they were trying to catch a bus but got in the wrong queue.

Welsh double act Pam and Fiona looked like Little and Large but called themselves Total Eclipse and were soon saw the lights go down on their chances with a poor effort but it was ever so unkind of Simon to compare one of them Vicki Pollard. Funny though. In the pod, Fiona claimed that Simon was not “all that??? provoking Pam to respond “I’d still do him though like???, which must have set the campaign against Welsh female stereotypes back a few years.

Kerry who claimed to be 48 but looked as if she’d be more at home on the Antiques Roadshow gave us a toothless rendition of The Greatest Love Of All which I’m sure I’ll have nightmares about.

A nervous Rachael stumbled over Son of a Preacher Man but when she got going she sounded something special to me, miles better than some of the others that had gone through. I was really surprised that she got knocked back at this stage but I expect loads of quality talent slipped through the net.

More next week.