Reality Bites has picked out 10 ways we believe this weekend's X Factor extravaganza could be improved.
Why do the other three judges get to have all the fun? If Gary, Tulisa and Kelly get to step on stage and perform with their acts, surely it's only right that Louis gets his turn in the spotlight. He could join his boys Westlife for a warble through their greatest hits on Sunday. Or maybe he could do a medley of his best acts' hits. A Sam Mumba/Jedward/Westlife/Boyzone/Wonderland/Kitty Brucknell spectacular.
2. Coldplay and Johnny Robinson
Coldplay apparently refused to duet with any of this year's finalists. Fair enough, we say. We wouldn't touch them with a barge pole either. But what about the other acts in the Top 16? The current rumour is that Chris Martin is a closet Johnny Robinson fanatic. A touching duet on 'Fix You' with Johnny tackling all the high notes surely beckons.
Falling ratings you say? Lack of drama you say? Lack of a red-blooded sexy hot fella with a pet tiger you say? There's only one person who can send this weekend's X Factor into a ratings-busting explosion of thrills and excitement. That man is, of course, Wagner.
4. A 'those we lost' montage
Much like the Oscars and BAFTAs pay tribute to late actors and directors, why doesn't the X Factor have a sombre moment for those who have been dispensed with in the reality TV dustbin? Eoghan Quigg, Andy the Binman, Austin Drage, Girlband, Matt Cardle... we salute you.
This year's most memorable contestant will be the shaggy-haired, drug-taking, buttock-flashing, dire warbler from Brighton Frankie Cocozza. The final three should pay tribute to his greatness with a medley of his 'worst bits'. Amelia Lily could tackle his soul-crushingly bad 'The A Team', Marcus Collins could create his ear bleedingly awful 'The Scientist', while Little Mix could be tasked with reworking his drunk tramp style take on 'I Gotta Feeling'.
6. A live firing
Simon Cowell's apparently going to appear on the show via satellite link to offer his verdict on his UK baby. Let's not waste this opportunity. Cowell should unleash his fury at the ratings drop and deliver a live firing of one or all of the judges. Imagine Louis Walsh's little face. Imagine it.
It's the final. They're all going to get record contracts. There's no need to sugar coat anything anymore, so let's just be honest with the acts. Can someone tell Marcus to shave off that tache? Maybe Kelly Rowland could forewarn Little Mix that they will all hate one member (probably Perrie) in five years' time and that there'll be a bitter break-up and wonky solo careers. And maybe someone could tell Amelia Lily "rock chick" wasn't even cool 10 years ago when Avril Lavigne did it.
8. More Dermot dancing
These little bum wiggles and shoulder shuffles from Dermot aren't enough for us. If he really wants to beat Brucie in the Saturday night entertainment wars, he needs to up his game. He needs a full Beyonce 'Single Ladies' leotard-wearing, Riverdance-ing, jazz hands-shaking, ticker tape-showering intro to top all intros.
What this series of X Factor has really missed is a good old fashioned reality TV twist. Why not allow the public 15 minutes to vote in a former contestant at the start of Saturday's show. Louis Walsh could be given the power to veto the winner. The final three could be forced to battle it out in a Total Wipeout challenge. Or maybe HMV could just pick this year's winner and save us all the bother.
10. More X Factor navel-gazing self-promotion
Former winner Leona Lewis guesting. Runners-up JLS and One Direction duetting. Louis Walsh's boyband Westlife cameoing. The judges performing with their acts. Why don't we go just one step further and have each act singing a version of Take That's 'The Flood', Alexandra Burke running on every so often carrying a placard for Olly Murs's album and Matt Cardle cleaning the backstage toilets.
The X Factor final starts on Saturday (December 10) at 8pm on ITV1. The results air on Sunday (December 11) at 7.30pm.