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Reality TV Blog

Frankie Cocozza and the worst ever post-'X Factor' singles

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X Factor brings reality TV fans plenty to enjoy every autumn. But the musical consequences can sometimes be sheer baloney.

Golden-rule breaking, shaggy-haired, celeb-shagger Frankie Cocozza is the latest former contestant to showcase his post-X Factor wares this week and it's among the biggest pieces of comedy dross ever released off the back of the show.

To commemorate this moment of pop hell, we've gathered together what we consider to be the worst X Factor musical crimes of all time in one handy list. Enjoy!

Frankie Cocozza: 'She's Got A Motorcycle'
That's not the sound of Preston and the Ordinary Boys vomiting up a B-side. No, it's Frankie Cocozza's debut single. It rhymes "easy" with "breezy", the video is shot in a warehouse and features Cocozza pulling shapes that make him look like he's suffering from a bout of indigestion and he seems confused about his sexual bike metaphor. He wants to ride hers. She wants to ride his. It's very confusing. And awful.



Chico: 'Curvy Cola Bottle Body':
'It's Chico Time' raised a titter the first time you heard it. By the time it had reached No.1, the joke had worn thin. So this naff follow-up, which attempted to end the world's obsession with women's weight ("One thing's for sure, size zero's at the door"), was about as welcome as a kick in the knackers. Trashier than a night on the town with the cast of Geordie Shore.



Jedward: 'Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)'
'Ice Ice Baby' is a song that is only usually enjoyed after a barrel of vodka Red Bull at a Freshers' Ball. A cheap Jedward knock-off version (from Louis Walsh productions), including a murdering of 'Under Pressure', doesn't improve matters.



Andy Abraham: 'Don't Leave Me This Way'
The charming bin man was cheesier than a hunk of Camembert on X Factor and his post-show material was no less stinky. This honking cover is probably the creamiest slice of Dairylea pop of the lot.



Jamie 'Afro' Archer: 'Insanity'
He promised to bring rock music to The X Factor. In return he gave us this abomination.



Eoghan Quigg: '28,000 Friends'
The little Busted-lite ditty was an ode to the perils of social media. It pre-dated Twitter so in many ways Eoghan Quigg is a musical prophet. But in another way, he's a squashed-up-faced, stick needles in your ears musical version of dog turd.



Ray Quinn: 'My Way'
It was a regular occurrence during the early series of X Factor for Simon Cowell to get his pop pets to screech and warble over classics from Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Pop titch Ray Quinn took it one stage further, properly releasing this criminal cover of Frank's 'My Way'. He may as well have been spewing bleach in our ears.



Journey South: 'What I Love About Home'
X Factor has lots of great acts. Then it has ones who "are all about the music maaaaaaan". Journey South are the Lords of the Manor in the second category. Check out this slice of earnest-pop, which is duller than a More4 Time Team marathon.


The MacDonald Brothers: '500 Miles'
For kids with short memories or too young to remember, before Christopher Maloney there was the MacDonald Brothers. A Scottish duo who somehow managed to finish fourth thanks to blind loyalty from Scottish people and viewer amusement at annoying Simon Cowell every week. Their robotic cover of '500 Miles' never got a full single release, but it did make Brian and Craig's debut album - a No.17 smash.



G4: 'Bohemian Rhapsody'
Simon Cowell's penchant for pop-opera peaked with this four-piece back in series one. The massacring of the Queen classic is only eased by the hilarious video, which spends most of its time trying to hide the three ugly members of the band behind the pretty blonde one. Sadly, it fails.



Stacey Solomon: 'Driving Home For Christmas'
Stacey Solomon is an inspiration for any X Factor hopeful. If you reach the final, you too could find yourself gulping down kangaroo balls in I'm a Celeb and releasing Poundland pop covers of festive hits to help promote frozen food supermarket specialists.



What do you think is the worst ever post-X Factor single? Let us know below!

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