Live Blog: 'Strictly' Week One - Saturday

Aliona Vilani looks hot in wellingtons, Matt Baker has snake hips, Pamela Stephenson has got some moves and Patsy Kensit is a nervous wreck. We learnt all of this on last night's Strictly opener, but the competition really hots up tonight with the second round of performers. The producers appear to have saved the big guns for the Saturday show, with Michelle Williams, Kara Tointon and Ann 'flipping out down that bagel' Widdecombe hitting the dancefloor. Reality Bites will provide you with the best commentary as the evening goes on, so stick with us during all the cha cha chas and waltzes.

18:00: Hello everyone! Opening titles time. The show really gets going this evening with all the big guns and Ann Widdecombe unleashed on the dancefloor. It should be a cracker!

18:01: Bruce and Tess take to the floor after a bit of a wiggle. Tess is showing a bit less leg tonight. I wonder what the odds are on Brucie cracking a gag featuring the words text and Vernon during this series...

18:02: Here come the celebrities. Blimey, has a rabid dog been eating away at Ola Jordan's outfit this evening? It looks even smaller than last night. On a side point, why does Tina O'Brien keep getting such awful costumes? Her promo pic costume was appalling for such a gorgeous girl.

18:04: There's just enough time for Brucie to point out that nobody is leaving this week, which means we'll definitely see Ann Widdecombe doing the Latin. What a prospect that is.

18:07: First dance of the night is a cha cha cha from 'Hollywood' actor Jimi Mistry and Flavia Cacace. Jimi's last big blockbuster was the "smash hit 2012" apparently. Weird, I always thought that was a big pile of sci-fi guff.

18:09 Hurrah! The first great moment of the evening. After being lumbered with the wooden dancing plank that was Craig Kelly, Flavia has finally got someone who can move. Jimi's definitely got some rhythm in them there hips.

18:11: It's a score of 26 for Flavia and Jimi. An impressive opening. I must say something about Flavia's outfit. It's a cracking silver number with flowers around the top, tassels at the bottom and a hunking great bite taken out of the middle. It's abs-ahoy. Not great to look at it if you're sat at home munching on a Curly-Wurly and calorific peanut butter sarnies. The less said about Jimi's sparkly shirt is probably for the better. It's not a keeper. Talking about keepers, next up is Peter Shilton with Erin Boag.

18:16: Not bad from safe hands Shilts. His first half was better than his second. He gave it 110%. And I think that's all the football cliches that I can use right now. I'm sure the judges will have a few more awful puns as the series goes on.

18:18: The judges have plenty of harsh words for Shilts, apart from Len of course, who always has a soft spot for the sportsmen. Shilts and Erin total up 21. It's not a terrible score, but I fear the football legend may struggle with the Latin next week.

18:20: They keep teasing us with the dancing beachball/wobbling ET lookalike/bagel monster Ann Widdecombe. Of course, that's just because we love Ann and have an affection for her. There's no element of cruelty in this at all *coughs*.

18:23: Next up, Michelle Williams and Brendan Cole.

18:24: Blimey. Michelle's legs go on a bit. And on. And on. Flipping eck! Brucie and Len's pacemakers will be working overtime.

18:26: Aside from the legs, it's all a bit too much glitter, glitz, bum-wiggling and not enough technical dancing. There's definite potential, but Len and Craig are not pleased. Brendan looks like he's going to blow his top, but it's hard to agree with Mr Revel Horwood's assessment that they were a bit disappointing. It could benefit Michelle in the long run though, that performance. Us Brits don't like people to be too good straight away. Maybe it's a tactical average start. They score 24.

18:30: Next up is Katya Virshilas and the walking Fake Bake advertisement Gavin Henson. He's playing the 'Wales-vote-for-me' card and Katya's telling him to let out his emotions. Blimey, the tabloids are going to have field day with the whole Charlotte Church angle on this one.

18:32: Well, I never, Fake Bake isn't actually that bad. Judging from his shuffle and wobble moves on the launch show, he looked like a new Joe Calzaghe in the making. But that waltz was actually pretty decent for a first week. The frame was good and the footwork was all right. There was even a hint of emotion in the performance. The only explanation - he's clearly having sex with Katya. I am joking, of course. Sort of. Maybe.

18:35: A score of 28 for Gavin and he's a definite contender now. He's got potential to go on a *whisper it* JOURNEY. Next up is Tina O'Brien and Jared Murillo wearing a fetching pair of geek specs.

18:40: Tino O'Brien dancing in gigantic heels in an awful skirt to a weird Dave Arch version of 'California Gurls'. It's all a bit messy and lacking punch. She looks like a good partnership with Jared, but they've got a lot - a helluva lot - of work to do. They score 24, which is generous.

18:42: Right, here's the moment we've all been dreading/waiting for... Ann Widdecombe. I actually had a dream about her falling arse over tit onto Anton during an energetic cha cha cha move last night. She was wearing a short skirt and everything. It was actually more of a nightmare, come to think of it.

18:47: Bruno thinks "you made it too port!", Craig thinks it was very "local authority", but praises her for "getting through it". "You just wait for the salsa," teases Ann, and she has the audience eating out of the palm of her hand. It was definitely better than John Sergeant and at least it looked like she was trying... in parts. Her leg kicks are quite something and have to be seen to be believed.

18:52: The last couple of the night are Kara Tointon and Artem Chigiwigisigitigstevostigistev. If you believe what you read in the gossip pages, and I do, these two are at it like rabbits. We'll probably know better in three minutes' time.

18:56: Kara Tointon is dressed up as a dominatrix, but looks a bit more Rocky Horror to me. It's a hot performance from the pair, but the underwear model falls on the floor. She's clearly used to rolling around on the floor with Artem at any opportunity *snigger*.

19:01: And that's your lot for the evening. Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow give us their love song, but their footwork is frankly poor and there's not a single fleckerl in there.

19:05: Despite more of the big names being in tonight's show, Matt Baker and Pamela Stephenson remain top of the Judges' Leaderboard after one week. Now you've seen all the dancers, who are you backing/supporting/fancying/hating?

Leave your opinions about the new series of Strictly in the box below!