Patsy May: Well, that's certainly one way to start a show! Puppet Patsy was great fun - just as cheeky, flirtatious and mischievous as you would hope. The vixen finally made it to the stage after demanding lattes, perving over other contestants, and talking about how she wants to be the world's biggest celebrity. Okay, so she's kind of similar to Miss Piggy (except not a pig), but at least she's good. I mean, maybe I shouldn't have found it funny, but I couldn't help but chuckle about her inviting Anton Dec on stage ("I think he's French") and then seducing them with her version of 'Dream A Little Dream Of Me' (ending with the hosts giving her a kiss on each cheek). It was three yeses for Patsy, but she gets bonus points from us for the awkward moment when she couldn't get off stage on account of being a puppet ("Now what?") and for her post-audition relief ("I need a beer.") Four yeses.
Crazy Rouge: Crazy Rouge were fun enough - they're a male and female burlesque group who got David so hot under the collar that he had to slap himself (plus, Ant and Dec running on stage to give a thumbs up when David joked that they must have enjoyed the chat was amusing.) Whether they'll be unique enough to go far remains to be seen, but for now they were enjoyable ("We know what will be on David Walliams' search history tonight," Simon smirked.) Four yeses.
Christian Farla: Christian suffers from being compared to lovely Darcy Oake, but had he been on the series first our jaws would certainly have been dropping even more than they did. His illusions were - without doubt - hugely impressive, as he just kept conjuring up scantily-clad woman from glass boxes and under sheets. I'm sure that plenty of men would wish they had the same talent (and Ant & Dec were cheering their butts off by the time the final woman emerged). It was four yeses for Christian!
Reaformed: Reaformed - Renetta, Ebony and Alexis - are hoping to impress Alesha with their singing. Not only do they relate to her time in Mis-Teeq, but Alexis actually met Alesha once. What advice did she give her? Um, to continue her education. That's obviously smart but it didn't stop David and Simon from ripping her apart ("Don't follow your dreams!") Anyway, Reaformed want to make their mums proud and they do it with their fun performance of 'I've Got The Music In Me' - the harmonies are nice enough, if not spectacular. But isn't it nice to hear a different song? The judges love it - even if Simon fairly says they need to work on their vocals. But there's a big moment coming as Alesha hits her Golden Buzzer (saying that they remind her of being in Mis-Teeq.) Simon urges them to rehearse but the girls are very excited indeed ("I'm sweating, that's all I know.") So, did they deserve the golden buzzer? Let us know below!
Kieran Lai: 17-year-old Kieran claims to have taught himself how to dance from YouTube videos, but we think he might be an alien. How else do you explain his limbs moving like that? HIs body-popping Tin Man dance was absolutely incredible and left my mouth right open. Simon obviously already liked him because he's from Essex ("My father was from Essex. I'm from Essex. I am. I'm Polish, I'm from Birmingham, I'm Scottish and I'm from Essex.") But Kieran's dancing also left him agape, as he described him as one of the best ever dancers on the show. It was four yeses for Kieran, of course - even if Amanda said it was like he was made of plasticine.
Curtis Elton: Aww, look! Little 10-year-old Curtis Elton came onto stage in a white suit and played the piano (he was very good, but he's been playing since he was three, so I would hope he would be.) "You remind me of a little Liberace," David announced, channeling his inner Louis Walsh. Four yeses!
Terri & Lisette: David was basically sold immediately when pole-dancers Terri and Lisette walked on stage - he couldn't even get his words out. But then they blew everyone away with their stunning routine - it was more gymnastics than pole-dancing, and I swear at one point one of them held on to the pole with her toes and stretched right out, which I'm not sure is even physically possible. More aliens? Possibly, but it was all the yeses for them, too.
Jack Pack: Adam, Alfie, Andrew and Sean seem like very nice chaps, and luckily they're not too shabby at the old singing thing either. Their performance of 'That's Life' got the judges - minus an absent Simon - on their feet, and the audience seemed to love it too. Could they be Britain's answer to Michael Bublé? Amanda Holden certainly thinks so... And Alesha got very excited, too, describing Alfie as "the cream in the coffee". Goodness me. Three yeses for them!
Eva Iglesias: 40-year-old supermarket shopper Eva is ready to do something for herself, and explained to the judges that she discovered her voice pretty late on in life. Her stirring performance of '(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman' is certainly pretty spectacular, getting the audience and David, Alesha and Amanda on their feet (and Ant & Dec giving her thumbs up.) It's only then that things get emotional, as Eva admits that she almost didn't go to her audition after getting her heart broken that week. "You can bleep this - f**k them," Simon grinned, praising Eva for giving so much to the song (Amanda loved this so much she kissed Simon on the cheek.) Amanda says she felt "real solidarity" with Eva ('you made me proud to be a woman") and Alesha loved her determination. Four yeses for Eva - what did you think of her?
Alexander: Alexander bounds onto the stage like nobody's business - the least stereotypical investment banker ever - and announces that he wants to "rock the place so hard the guys on the space station can hear". Unfortunately, if they did, they'd wish they hadn't. Alexander's rendition of 'It's My Life' is just awful - there's no way around that. It's just as well that Simon was off welcoming his baby into the world, really. Obviously, he didn't make it through.
After Party: We didn't get to see much of After Party, but they didn't seem that bad to us - just not that great either. Just a standard glee club (sorry, a capella group). That didn't stop Amanda from getting a bit harsh, describing it as a "bit shambolic", "all over the place", with unbelievable acting and "clumsy" staging. "It felt really amateur." Ouch.
Osiris Young: 33-year-old Osiris was hoping to impress Alesha - he met her 12 years ago in Corfu and she told him to plug away at his music. Unfortunately, it didn't go as well for him as for Reaformed. Singing Coldplay's 'Sparks' - we use the term singing loosely, as it was more of an emotive wail - he accompanied his crooning with some kind of dancing (a strange hybrid of ballet and street dance.) We were certainly compelled - and David and Simon couldn't stop laughing - but two buzzes was enough for Osiris and he left the stage. "The thing is, Alesha, if you're going to bring people to the audition room maybe talk to us first of all," Simon smirked. Even Dec got involved: "When you put that much time and effort into somebody, it must be really rewarding." Alesha was just glad that Osiris left the stage because she had no idea what to say to him. None of us do.
Jenson Zhu: Well, what to say about Jenson Zhu? The 37-year-old impressionist was certainly entertaining. He did get a buzz from Simon as soon as he said he was going to impersonate the Bee Gees and put a wig and beard on. But there was something about Jenson ("I have to confess, when I sing in falsetto, I feel like I have lost my testicles," he revealed, causing Ant & Dec - and hence us - to completely lose it.) He did at least know that it was "genetically impossible" for him to look like Elvis, and then he rounded things out with The Godfather - where his fake moustache fell off. Weirdly, it was massively entertaining and everyone apart from Simon "You are the worst impressionist I've ever seen or heard or had on this show" Cowell gave him a yes. So we'll be seeing more of Jenson, I suppose. I don't know how to feel about that. Anyway then he ran off stage, straight past Ant & Dec, and just stopped. All very odd.
Joey James: We didn't get to see much of Joey, which is probably for the best. He sang and had some kind of weird painting thing that moved and sang along. Except it was probably just an animation, so he just had to set it going at the right time. Who knows? It was strange anyway - Alesha dubbed it "pretty pants".
Domenico: We thought Joey was odd, and then we got Domenico. His talent seemed to be singing ventriloquism with a parrot, except that to do it he chewed on toast to disguise his mouth moving. It was just not good in any way. Sorry, Domenico!
What did you think of this week's acts? Who were your favourites? Let us know below!