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Live Blog: 'Got Talent' Semi-Final One

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After weeks of dancing dogs, miming pigs and an excessive amount of men in drag and dance troupes, the Britain's Got Talent auditions are over. Tonight the serious business of the live shows begin, so for the next six evenings, clear your diary and prepare yourself for more drama and tears than you can shake a rather hefty stick at.

21:58: Were Tobias and Spelbound the right acts to go through? Leave your opinions in the box below! Sadly, I can't live blog tomorrow evening as I'm actually off to watch BGT in the studio (get me!). Hopefully they'll still let me in after my occasional hints of sarcasm this evening. See you all back here on Wednesday, when I'll be back in action.

21:55: And Amanda votes for Tobias. We don't even need to go to Simon. Ooh-er, there's a few tears from Olivia. Luckily, she tells everyone that "it's been an amazing experience" and can just about hold it together.

21:55: Piers votes for Tobias.

21:52: The judges will pick the second act from... TOBIAS MEAD... and OLIVIA ARCHBOLD.

21:51: Spelbound are through to the next round! They were the best act by a country mile and you lot rightly chose to send them automatically through to the final.

21:50: Crunch time. Lights down. Serious faces from Ant & Dec.

21:47: Time to put your money where your mouth is, people. Who have you picked as your top three acts? I reckon Spelbound, Tobias and Olivia are the ones to watch. I've almost forgotten about Threebee already. That's the tough luck you get when you go out first on the show.

21:43: Did you enjoy Diversity? Last year's winners just made a lot of this year's acts look distinctly average. Plus, how tall is Ashley Banjo? He looks like the Jolly Green Giant stood next to little Ant & Dec. PHONE LINES ARE CLOSED. Don't call now unless you are very silly and like wasting money.

21:35: Ant & Dec chat to the judges. Amanda has been checking her Twitters (not a euphemism), Piers is banging on about Kevin Cruise and Simon looks a bit peeved and grumpy (60% of it was good). Their mixed bag of opinions pretty much sums up a mixed bag of performances.

21:31: Right, we're back. Did you all enjoy Corrie? I have to admit that I went for a bowl of Rice Krispies and missed it. It's recap/check your numbers time. Have any of you guys phoned in and voted yet? I was half-tempted to give a cheeky call for Spelbound, but I'm sure you guys are doing the hardwork for me.

Click back at 9.30pm when the results show starts on ITV1

20:54: Well, that's all the performances done and dusted. Who was your favourite? I'd put my money on Olivia and Spelbound if I was a betting man. Leave your opinions in the box below. We'll be back at 9.30pm when the results show starts.

20:49: "That was pretty amazing." Ant & Dec may have been off the ball tonight, but they pretty much summed up Spelbound's performance with that little titbit. Amazing outfits, amazing topless bodies, amazing choreography and the crowd loved it. Exciting, innovative and full of energy. The producers really did save the best for last tonight. I know they got the best slot, but they warranted it with that routine.

20:46: The last act of the night are series favourites Spelbound. They have promised us a "dangerous" performance. The bookmakers will be praying that they live up to their billing!

20:41: I don't wish to be mean as Josh is only a young lad, but as Simon Cowell has made a career out of being "honest", I may as well tell you what I think. I thought that was an embarrassing performance. "I felt like a professional," he tells Ant & Dec. Well you didn't look like one, mate. Piers and Simon play down his expectations, but Amanda Holden in full-on cougar mode tells him that she likes his pants and can imagine "seeing him at The O2". Possibly Amanda, but he'll probably be serving you Nando's at the time.

20:38: Little Josh Barry up next. He sings 'Closer' by Ne-Yo. It is awful. Really awful. Even the kindling and wood chopping was better. Out of tune, lacking in finesse, corny - it was awkward to watch. Not even a heap of backing dancers can help him. That didn't deserve a spot in the live shows. He could barely pronounce all his words.

20:28: Piers Morgan calls him the "king of the kindlers". Simon and Amanda buzz him. Frankly, this is quite surreal. Poor Sean, who appears to have no idea he's being mocked in front of the nation, is giving Ant & Dec a short history of kindling. It's something I never thought I'd see on ITV1 primetime. He's got about as much chance of going through to the next round as there is of Simon Cowell confessing that sometimes he gets things wrong. Zilch.

20:26: Next up is Sean Sheehan. You remember Sean Sheehan. He chopped wood and did a Sean Connery impression. You don't remember? Count yourself lucky!

20:21: "I thought that was one the most creative and inspired dance routines we've seen on the show," claims Piers Morgan. Amanda Holden flirts like an old granny, telling him to spend more time poledancing. Simon claims that it was very clever. Personally, I wasn't that taken with it. There didn't appear to be any theme or purpose to the choreography. Just lots of moves flung together. Impressive in parts, but I don't think there was a cohesive whole.

20:18: Next act up is Tobias Mead. He's got the sob story, he's got the moves, but will he be getting your vote? We've seen him on other sub-rate reality shows (Living's Time Of Your Life), so does he deserve a second chance? Maybe this performance will help make up your mind.

20:15: When Ant & Dec read out Stevie Starr's phone details, he adds his grand finale, bringing back up a mobile phone. Wow. That has every other act's cheesy 'phoneface' grins look a bit pathetic. Impressive stuff from Stevie, but I'm not convinced many viewers will be calling in to see more.

20:10: Don't try any of that at home, kids. He swallowed a light bulb, he swallowed Amanda Holden's engagement ring and he swallowed a lock & key. Thankfully, they were all successfully brought back up. The judges are unsure about it, but they credit him for what is a quite incredible natural talent.

20:07: Stevie Starr up next. The Regurgitator. Make sure you put down your supper for a minute. Your stomach will thank you later.

20:02: Glitter, fake tan, ABBA, 'Let's Get Physical', Jane McDonald and more crotch-thrusting than is advisable at 8pm on a Monday night. Pure camp madness. Some people will love that, some will hate it. Piers thinks he's incredible, Amanda "wants him in the final", Simon gives him an "A for effort". Sadly for Kevin, I fear he's pulled a short straw with tonight's heat. He's going to struggle to make the cut this evening.

19:58: Ahh, time for Kevin Cruise. I interviewed him a few weeks back. He's a very nice chap. Very funny. Hopefully he's got something tasty in store for us this evening. He tells us that Simon is "cruising for a bruising".

19:53: The judges all praise Olivia for her composure and ability to battle her nerves. Cowell is probably thanking his lucky stars that she hasn't erupted in tears. We wouldn't want Ofcom on your case again, would we Simon? The judges love her voice but are critical her song choice, which is probably a fair point. I can't see that song striking an emotional note with many viewers. Time for another break now. Wait a minute, didn't we have one of those five minutes ago?

19:51: She's a mature 14-year-old, this Olivia. There are a few tears at the end, but they are of joy. She got through it and didn't miss a note. She wavered at the start, the song choice (some warbling Kate Winslet number) is a bit off, but that was still a cracking performance. Her braces have got to be worth a few votes as well.

19:47: After a short break (expect plenty of them tonight), we're back and it's the first singer of the competition. Olivia Archbold. She's only 14, so expect the judges to go easy on her. We don't want another Holly Steel on our hands. We all remember that saga, don't we BGT fans?

19:41: Well that was all rather nice. It might not have been breathtaking, and at times they seemed a little out of sync, but that was a creative and fun routine from Threebee. They also took Simon's advice from their first audition and added some non-Bollywood tunes to the mix. Not surprisingly this goes down well with Mr C. All three judges tip the collective for success in the competition. I think the phrase 'dark horse' may have been whispered for the first time this week. Expect to hear it about 137 more times before the end of Saturday night.

19:38: After some banter from the judges (Amanda admits that she is wearing chicken fillets, Simon is not impressed with Amanda & Piers's choices in the Top 40), we're under way with Bollywood dance troupe Threebee.

19:35: The judges are introduced in their usual low-key manner. Rising from the floor with dozens of pyros, smoke machines and a thumping soundtrack. You know the drill. Amanda Holden has a rather fabulous dress on. It's just a shame she can't move her face very much. She attempts a smile and you can almost see the Botox coming out of her eyes.

19:33: The studio looks very pretty and shiny this year. The SuBo royalties have been well invested!

19:30: We are finally here - the first BGT live show. Expect kidywinks in tears, melodrama and smoke machines. It should be great fun. The first shock of the night is Ant & Dec's hair. They appear to be going for the bog-brush Simon Cowell look.

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