The Apprentice Blog: Week Six

"Rough tough cream puff" Kimberly Davis may have been fired, but there are still ten of Britain's "brightest business hopefuls" going for Sir Alan's No.1 job. We've got a gobby Geordie, a Heather Mills lookalike and a mute science teacher still in the mix and more importantly, Nick and Margaret are just getting warmed up. For anyone who missed this week's show, or anyone who wants to recap the highlights, here's the DS blog of Week 6 - The Auction Selling Challenge!

9:00: (*Intro Music* DUM-DEH-DUM-DEH) "He's Britain's most belligerent boss!", " He's famously hard to please", "What the hell's gone on here!" etc, etc. Sir Alan's ready to fire another candidate!

9:02: A recap from last week. We see Phillip "Pants Man" Taylor looking like a twerp, 'Wobbly Lips' Lorraine looking bizarre and Kimberly failing to show us her "balls". Bye, bye Cream Puff!

9:03: Phillip answers the phone in his pants. We catch chubby Ben 'I Went To Sandhurst, Me' Clarke doing topless ironing. Sir Alan wants the final ten to meet him in West London at an auctioneer's warehouse.

9:05: Sir Alan greets the gang at Chiswick auction house, flanked as ever by Nick and Margaret. He says that the task is about selling "with a little twist". Each team has to sell the same items to sell for the highest value. The twist? Every item's value is not as it first appears. Will they heed Sir Alan's warning? Probably not.

9:06: Phillip 'The Gob' heads team Ignite, Ben leads Empire. The items they will be selling include a skeleton and an old chair with a toilet in it. The gems in the pack? A James Bond first edition, some vintage shoes and an ugly-looking, but expensive rug.

9:07: Oh dear, Ben's harping on about being a natural leader. He got an army scholarship, don't you know? He compares the pressure of The Apprentice to the gunfire and explosions of battle. We reckon man-managing Debra is probably tougher than any war-zone.

9:08 "Big head's going to reign it in," promises Phillip. He claims that there will be no more fighting between him and Lorraine... hmm... how long will this last?

9:09: Uh-oh! Phillip's pulling facial expressions like a six-year-old whose had his favourite toy stolen and is already complaining at Lorraine. Good effort at reigning it in, 'Big Head'. She correctly thinks the rug is worth some dosh. Phillip thinks she's bonkers.

9:10: Phillip's off selling the skeleton in what is described as an "old curiosities shop". The two old blokes in there are having none of it and tell him to flog it to some students. Most people would probably give up on the skeleton at this point.

9:12: Ben, Noorul and Debra (the team from hell?) are trying to sell some books to a doddery old dear in a bookshop. After what seems like half an hour and much mumbling, she says it will only be worth a tenner. Ben looks like he's going to thump someone. "I'm fed up with these book people talking sh*t to me," he whines. It appears selling books is tougher than Sandhurst!

9:14: How's Phillip and Lorraine's new loving relationship getting on? "Everything that comes out of her mouth is b****ks," moans Phil. I think we got our answer.

9:16: Phillip is trying to sell a skeleton in a pub. Is this really Britain's brightest business hopeful? Some bloke offers him two quid.

9:16: Hold up, he's done a deal! Some nutter offers him £160 in the corner of the bar. Margaret Mountford thinks they got lucky. We think that's an understatement.

9:18: 'Big Head', Mona and Lorraine are carrying a £200 rug around a London market attempting to flog it for pennies. Margaret Mountford, clearly annoyed at having to walk the length of East London, moans: "This is one of the stupid activities they have yet engaged in". EYE ROLL ALERT!

9:20: NOORUL ALERT! The quiet man is on a mission to sell a skeleton. He thinks he's sealed a deal. Unfortunately for Noorul, he didn't bank on meeting a tight-fisted student. He's forced to sell the £160 item for £60. Poor Noorul looks more gormless than the skeleton.

9:22: EYEROLL ALERT. Phil's trying to flog the rug door-to-door. Margaret Mountford's eyes are spinning maniacally with disdain.

9:28 James and Yasmina get rid of that rug for £55 with a bag thrown in. Phillip and co eventually sell it to some weirdo in the street, who looks a bit like Michael Moore. Who on earth buys a rug in the street? They should have just taken the items to a local nut house and flogged them - sod ethics!

9:30: Phil is now trying to claim that Lorraine never mentioned the rug. You are starting to look a bit silly 'Big Head'.

9:31: We're back in the boardroom, thank God! Sir Alan cracks a gag about him "not being much to look at, but is worth quite a bit". There's some forced laughter.

9:33: Sir Alan tells 'Big Head' that he can't understand his accent. The BBC can no doubt expect some complaints from the Geordie Nation.

9:34: Sir Alan tells Lorraine that she was right about the rug. Her wobbly funny lips look quite smug. Phillip attempts to restrain himself from thumping his fists on the table.

9:34: Margaret Mountford says that Lorraine is the "Cassandra" of the team. Wasn't she Rodney's girlfriend in Only Fools And Horses? Anyway, we think she means it as a compliment.

9:36: Results time: Phil's gang have lost £34. But Ben's team have had an absolute stinker. A loss of £169 for the Sandhurst stockbroker.

9:36: Sir Alan sends the winners off "truffle tasting". They do the compulsory silly celebration jig outside the boardroom. Michael Sophocles should have patented that.

9:38: Back in the 'Losers Cafe', business is quiet as usual. Ben's promising to put up a scrap. Debra says she isn't going. Noorul... well Noorul's not saying much.

9:40: Sir Alan's in full flow. "That bleedin' skeleton could have done better than the blaaaarddy lot of you!"

9:41: NOORUL ALERT! He's quibbling with Nick about who made the skeleton sale. Sir Alan calls him "a cashier". We reckon Sir Alan should "fire the whole bloody lot of 'em".

9:42: Pale-faced Debra is stating her claim for survival. Nick Hewer steps in to disagree and she bites his ruddy head off! Maybe she's annoyed that Nick does a better sucking-on-a-lemon face than her.

9:42: Sir Alan steps in as Debra rants and glares at Nick. She's practically frothing at the mouth. "Stop talking to [Nick] like he's a second class citizen," he growls. Debra's put herself in the firing line!

9:44: Ben chooses Noorul and James for the boardroom. James screams like someone's rammed a dagger in his genitals. Sir Alan looks puzzled at his decision.

9:45: Debra says that she is "well up for it", so Ben changes his mind. It's Ben, Noorul and Debra who will battle it out. Poor little Noorul is going to get slaughtered!

9:47: The quiet man is turning up the volume. Noorul is letting rip at the chap from Sandhurst. "You're talking absolute crap Ben!" You go Noorul! The mute science teacher from Rochdale claims that he "has balls" and everyone else is "s**ting themselves".

9:49: Debra is playing the "I'm honest and speak my mind" card. Translation? I can shout louder than anyone else and will do it at will.

9:52: Sir Alan says that Ben's address is in the taxi's Sat Nav. Please let it be true. Debra is sucking on a lemon and looking very smug in the corner.

9:54: Noorul brings out a trump card! He tells Sir Alan that Ben has been bragging about posing nude with only a rugger ball over his crotch for Heat magazine. Sir Alan and the nation shudders at the prospect of such a publication. Will this save Noorul?

9:55: It's decision time! Sir Alan says Ben is a "broken man". He tells Debra he can't put up with her "mouth". "Trust me love, you're nothing special," he growls. But wait! It's Noorul that gets the finger! NOORUL IS FIRED.

9:57: Ben and Debra return to the penthouse. James accuses Ben of having "sh*t his pants". A delightful final line to close the episode!

> Click here for our interview with Noorul Choudhury

What did you think to this week's Apprentice? Was Noorul the right man to get fingered? Leave your opinions in the usual slot below!