The Apprentice Blog: Week Seven

Noorul 'The Mute' Choudhury has gone, but who will be given the finger by Sir Alan this week? Will Ben weasel his way out of the boardroom yet again, can 'Big Head' Phil calm his temper and will anyone listen to a word that Lorraine a.k.a Cassandra says? We've been promised that Phil and Kate's showmance will be outed in the boardroom, but does that spell disaster for the pair? For anyone who missed this week's show, here's the DS blog of Week 7 - The Invention Sales Challenge!

9:01: We get a recap from last week. Plenty of clips of 'Sandhurst' Ben and 'Big Head' Phillip being plonkers. But sadly it's poor old Noorul that gets the finger. Bless him, we quite liked the chap.

9:02: "Wooh, it's the phone," says James while doing a little jig. Phillip, Howard and James run to answer it. Howard is told by Sir Alan's stern secretary that they all need to pack their suitcases and meet at the London Gateway.

9:04: Ben packs his sunglasses and flip-flops, Kate reckons they are going somewhere "exotic" and Phillip wants "bikini-clad women". Who thinks they may be a little disappointed? "Gateway suggests that it's gateway to somewhere," observes Ben. You can see how he got that scholarship!

9:05: They arrive at London Gateway service station and everybody looks very bemused. All these service station clips are making DS crave a Ginsters pastie!

9:06: Sir Alan arrives and tells the candidates that they are at the gateway to the North. He tells them that they are going to have to choose two companies to represent and sell products for in Manchester and Liverpool. "Everyone is going to have to do some selling!" shouts Sir Alan. A sales task on The Apprentice? How shocking!

9:06: Ben and Yasmina join Kate, Phillip and Lorraine in Ignite. Mona and Howard are put with James and Debra in Empire. Team Ignite are confident of their abilities as salespeople. "I'd buy anything off [Kate]," says Phillip with a scampish grin.

9:08: Mona takes charge of Team Empire. Lorraine will "PM" Ignite. She admits that she is a "slow-burner" and that her ideas come from her "gut feelings". Are you sure that's not just a dodgy curry from last night Lorraine?

9:09: The teams are given demonstrations by a wacky gaggle of inventors, but they can only choose two products to sell. There's an item that collects the dust when you're drilling, which sounds really good. We suspect no-one will pick that.

9:10: We see a bloke marketing the Lover's Lead. The Lover's Lead is just two dog leads stuck together with a heart on the end. It's pretty rubbish, but 10% of the sales go to Battersea Dogs Home and Mona's crew appear to have been swung by that bit of emotional blackmail.

9:11: Lorraine's crew are being sold a cat playhouse. Cats love cardboard boxes and apparently some owners are willing to pay for a cardboard box, which is the shape of a fire engine. For a second item, they pick an expandable shopping bag to go on a bicycle. We still think that drill accessory was the best product, but what do we know?

9:12: Mona's team pick a Sleeping Bag Suit (expect to see them at every music festival this summer!) to go with their Lovers Lead. Could Margaret Mountford's eyebrows be raised any higher? She's not impressed by their picks.

9:14: Yasmina and Lorraine are the first duo to attempt selling their cat fire engine and bicycle bag. "It's a cat playhouse... FOR CATS!" barks Lorraine.

9:20: 'Big Head' Phil, Kate and gooseberry Ben are mucking around with the Cat Playhouse. They've only secured one meeting for tomorrow, Lorraine is not impressed, but Phil doesn't seem to care. "Let's go to the pub," he suggests.

9:21: Mona and James do some nifty sales of the Sleeping Bag Suit. We'd actually forgotten whether Mona is any good or not - (has she actually done anything since Week 1?) - but she's looking like a good PM this time around.

9:23: Lorraine and Yasmina are bickering about who's better at selling. Neither of them has sold a jot so far and Nick's chewing his pen furiously, so they could do with pulling themselves together.

9:30: Lorraine and Yasmina, who were boasting about their sales skills five minutes ago, only manage to sell 50 cat fire engines to Britain's largest pet retailer. Lorraine takes out her frustration on her sub-team, who have yet to sell a thing. Lorraine suspects that "Kate's beauty" is causing problems. Phillip thinks that Lorraine is "mental". We think they're all mental for trying to sell a cardboard box shaped like a fire engine... for cats!

9:31: Mona's team are selling, selling, selling. But Howard says that he wants to wrap the Lovers Lead around teammate Debra's neck because she keeps nicking their sales. Join the queue, Howard, join the long bloody queue.

9:33: Lorraine and Yasmina have just come to the realisation that the cat fire engine is just a cardboard box and is pretty rubbish. Phil, Kate and Ben haven't made a single sale and are sitting ducks for some Nick Hewer sucking-lemon sarcasm.

9:35: We're back in the boardroom. Sir Alan Sugar is laying into Mona for not managing to sell any items to the retailers he set up meetings with on Day One of the task. "You weren't going to sell a sleeping bag in a hardware store, were you?" growls Sir Alan.

9:37: RESULTS TIME! Margaret and Nick reveal that Mona's Empire took over £4,000. Lorraine's team look deflated and their fears are confirmed when Nick reveals that Ignite got just over £1,300. Team Empire's reward? A helicopter flight across London. Well it's better than a few cocktails, I suppose.

9:39: "Ben, you sold nothing, Kate, you sold nothing, Phillip, you sold nothing... oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," grumbles Sir Alan, who looks like a very angry and disgruntled Fozzy Bear right now.

9:40: At the Bridge End Cafe, business is quiet as usual. Phillip says that Sir Alan is going to fire Lorraine. "She blew it", he whines. "Mystic Meg is going back in the crystal ball." We'll just wait and see about that one, Big Head!

9:43: "Phillip, all the book - ZERO!" barks Sir Alan. Phillip is mumbling on about selling his heart out, but it doesn't look promising for Big Head.

9:44: Ooh, MARGARET MOUNTFORD ALERT! She's giving Kate a dressing down. Sir Alan joins in and start jabbing his finger at the Heather Mills lookalike. She flutters her eyebrows and keeps quiet.

9:45 Phillip is twisting the knife into Lorraine. "You could have put a chimp in dungarees and it would have sold more units," whines the chap, who - lest we forget - sold nothing.

9:48: Lorraine is bringing lovebirds Phillip and Kate back to the boardroom. "What a mess," growls Sir Alan.

9:50: "I am a big head and I need it slapping out of me," admits Big Head. Everyone form an orderly queue to slap Phillip. No pushing!

9:51: "I think I've been one of the outstanding candidates during the competition," whines Big Head. SIR ALAN ONE-LINER ALERT: "One swallow doesn't make a summer," growls the Amstrad boss. Nick Hewer adds a snipe about Pants Man and gives Big Head a good steely stare.

9:53: Lorraine drops the bombshell! "Outside of this boardroom, there's a close friendship going on," she reveals. Sir Alan won't like that! Come on Lorraine, spill the beans! We want smut!

9:54: Kate says she that has no loyalties to Phil and takes a cheap-shot at his efforts in the task. You can almost see the exact moment when Big Head's heart breaks!

9:55: DECISCION TIME: It's Phillip that gets the finger. "It's a joke," he mumbles. There's even a little tear in his eye. Is that over his firing or the fact he may not get to see Kate tonight? Bye-bye, Big Head.

9:58: Kate and Lorraine exchange dagger eyes back in the house. The show may have lost it's "love story", but things are just beginning to get tasty. NEXT WEEK: A task to re-brand Margate!

What did you think to this week's Apprentice? Was Phillip the right man to get fingered? Leave your opinions in the usual slot below!