The Apprentice Blog: Week Eight

This year's big Apprentice love story was brought to a sudden halt last week when Sir Alan fired Pants Man Phillip. The estate agent took the news badly, but to be brutally honest, the big head deserved it. Anyone missing the romantic glances and secret kisses will just have to settle for the usual burning hot sexual tension between Nick & Margaret for the rest of the series. This week the candidates have been asked to rebrand the seaside town of Margate. We've heard that it's a corker, so let's get on with the blogging!

9:00: Sir Alan Sugar is in a helicopter, 15 people are walking down a bridge in suits, and there's lots of people shouting down phones. You guessed it - it's another episode of The Apprentice

9:02: We get a recap of Lorraine dishing on Kate & Phillip (now that they are a celebrity couple, should that be KatLip?), and the Pants Man himself throwing a stop after he's fired.

9:03: Mona comes to answer the phone call from Sir Alan's office. Does that woman really have to go into Sir Alan's office at 5:15am just to make that call every week? I hope she gets overtime!

9:04: The contestants are sent to London's O2 to meet Sir Alan. The Jonathan Creek theme music is played in the background, which subconsciously makes us think that someone is about to get murdered. Debra to stab Nick Hewer?

9:05: Sir Alan says that the O2 is a great example of rebranding and reveals that this week's task is going to be about making the seaside town of Margate "cool". The groups will pitch ideas for rebranding the town to experts and locals. "One of you will get fired!" he growls for the hundredth time.

9:06: Debra and Howard both want to PM Team Empire. Howard is being reasonable and polite. Debra is scowling. After a long cold stare and possibly some Jedi mind-trickery, Debra wins the argument.

9:07: Yasmina is going to lead Team Ignite and has the full backing of her team. Is anyone else getting irritated by the the names Ignite and Empire after eight weeks? We still wish they chose Shazam!

9:08: James suggests that Empire go for the gay market. "They spend more money than anyone else," he explains. Mona doesn't look impressed. "I don't think the gay market is suited to Kent...I don't think it's a big thing in Kent," she says. Oh dear, this doesn't sound like it's going to end well.

9:09: Yasmina's team are targeting the "family market". Isn't that a bit broad? Surely every seaside town is family-orientated? Lorraine says that families will be holidaying in the UK more this year because of the credit crunch. Very topical!

9:10: Howard and Debra are casting gay models. Nick Hewer looks distinctly unimpressed by the whole thing.

9:12: How are the people of Margate going to react to this episode? Do any DS readers come from the "faded seaside town"? Ben slags off the bingo halls and boarded-up houses, while Mona muddles up "rebrand" with "regenerate". We don't think either will be welcomed back by the locals any time soon.

9:13: Mona is told by locals that nobody has a problem with their gay theme. Seems likes your the only one who does Mona!

9:14: Yasmina & Kate are auditioning men and women for their "family advert". They are asking blokes to take their tops off and getting women to flash their legs. MARGARET MOUNTFORD ALERT! There is eye-rolling and eyebrow-raising aplenty as the men flash their torsos. Kate says that she is blushing - we bet Pants Man is fuming with jealousy!

9:15: "Margate is not exactly the Seychelles is it," complains Ben. The Sandhurst plonker is actually growing on us a little bit this week. His little pieces to camera have been some of the best of the series, even if they do seem a little rehearsed.

9:16: It's buttock-clenching time as Mona talks to a transsexual. "Oh my God! I wouldn't have known," she says. She's making 'village idiot' James look like a mastermind this week.

9:21: We spoke to soon...James is buying 99s and makes sure there's not too much "suggestive licking" on the photos. MARGARET MOUNTFORD ALERT! We catch her having a huge slurp of an ice cream. Best bit of the episode so far? We think so!

9:24: Woah, where did that come from? Yasmina and Lorraine are yelling at each other about their poster. Lorraine thinks there's too much text. For once, even Ben appears to be stunned into silence. "YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE," screams Yasmina. Lorraine appears to have a point, but she ain't half a pain in the neck.

9:26: But at least they are doing better than Team Empire, who have got a blank leaflet. Mona and Debra are too busy squabbling and haven't left enough time to complete it. That could cost them the challenge!

9:29: Ignite are the first team to pitch the campaign. The grumpy industry experts don't seem that impressed, but the posters look pretty good to our eyes. It pains us to say it, but it appears that Ben did quite a good job this week.

9:31: Aarrrghh! Empire's posters are simply awful. This could be one of the worst ever Apprentice ad campaigns. The posters have hundreds of words on and they look like they've been created by primary school students. Howard does his best to sell them, bless him, but they have no chance of winning. No chance!

9:33: The teams give their pitches to a sour-faced looking bunch of Margate locals. They are not impressed by either team's campaign, but they appear to be leaning towards Empire's gay rebranding. Will that save Debra's team? Too little, too late, we reckon.

9:37: We're back in the boardroom with "Britain's most belligerent boss". He's grilling Team Ignite about their family theme. "I wanted to call it Beauty And The Beach," says Ben, with no hint of irony. Is this guy for real?

9:39: Ice Queen Debra takes no prisoners (no change there then) and drops Mona and James in it with Sir Alan. "What did you do James? Build sand castles and buy everyone ice cream?" growls Sir Alan.

9:40: RESULTS TIME: Team Ignite score 7/10 from the experts and locals, thumping Team Empire, who only manage 4/10 for their gay theme. Debra, Howard, James and Mona - one of you is going to get fired!

9:41: Sir Alan's Treat Of The Week is a trip to a race track. James mouths "f**king hell" and looks like he's about to blub. Pull yourself together man!

9:42: It looks like a different cafe this week? Are we right? James describes their campaign as "cod s**t". Probably the most sensible thing any of the candidates have said all episode.

9:44: Sir Alan thinks they bottled it with the gay theme. "You whispered it," he grumbles. "This looks like it's been created by a bunch of loonies," he exclaims.

9:45: Sir Alan questions former beauty queen Mona's "creativity". She insists that it was Debra's fault and challenges Nick and Margaret, who clearly have their doubts about her. Big error there from Mona - questioning the integrity of Sir Alan's helpers is never a good move.

9:46: "I went and spoke to someone gay," says Mona, in a horrendous attempt to defend her enthusiasm for the task.

9:48: Nick Hewer and Sir Alan Sugar are firing at Debra now. Sir Alan's not impressed by the "BS" she told the industry experts about their blank leaflets. The Ice Queen is unmoved by their attack and shifts the blame on to Mona.

9:50: Debra brings Mona and James back to the boardroom. We think Debra deserves to get fired, but we also reckon Sir Alan's got a soft spot for her.

9:54: Sir Alan thinks James is playing "a clever game". We're not sure James is even smart enough to play games. He looks on the verge of tears...again.

9:56: DECISION TIME: Sugar grumbles about Debra being "bossy" and James being a "court jester", but it's Mona that gets the finger! She gets a "with regret" from Sir Alan, which is quite a nice touch.

9:58: That's it for another week. Mona is in the black cab and thinks Sir Alan got it wrong. Check back on DS later for our interview with her to find out more. Next week's challenge? A baby show task!

Did Mona deserve to get fired? How far can Debra push Sir Alan before she gets the dreaded finger? Leave your opinions in the usual slot below!