"I'm a great of my generation. I take inspiration from Napoleon."
Lord Sugar will be humming 'Waterloo' and waving his dreaded firing finger at Zeeshaan very soon.
"I'm half machine. I can process things at a speed that is out of this world."
Jaz must have been malfunctioning. She couldn't event flog a Chinese cat in Chinatown.
"Some people may come to this process with a gameplan. I just feel my effortless superiority will take me all the way."
Bumbling Greek philosopher Jason believed he had "intelligence like a machete in the jungle". Two hours later he was "running like hell" to sell some ukuleles.
"I have the energy of a Duracell bunny, the looks of Jessica Rabbit and the brains of Einstein..."
And the gob of a fishwife.
Luisa "fake hair, fake nails, fake boobs" Zissman showcased all her talents and her elegant way ("I'll be on her like a fly on s**t") with words.
"Cheating... manipulating... I will do it."
Neil Clough. Not so much stabbing people in the back as jumping on them, hitting them repeatedly with a large stick and chopping their heads off.
"I hear we've got a doctor in the house. Could come in handy. I hear we've got a bloke over there who thinks he's Napoleon."
Even Nick Hewer nearly cracked a smile at that one-liner from Shugs.
"I just think we're flogging a dead horse."
A member of the girls' team displays why they were unable to sell any lucky Chinese cats.
"The first rule of trade. Make sure you're not dealing with the cleaning lady."
Lord Sugar bangs the nail into Jaz's coffin after hearing about their chaotic sales methods.
Alex: "I've worked with Liam all day."
Lord Sugar: "Sorry. Who have you worked with?"
Lord Sugar: "His name's Neil."
What was your favourite Apprentice moment from episode one? Let us know below!