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Reality TV Reality Bites

Live Blog: 'Junior Apprentice' Week One

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"I'm not some happy-clappy teacher that is going to say, 'Hi, I'm Lord Sugar but you can call me Al'," snarls Lord/Sir Alan Sugar at the start of the first ever Junior Apprentice. Proof, if any was needed, that this spinoff series isn't going to be any softer or less entertaining than the original. Reality Bites will keep you up to date on all the action in the first show and deliver our own cutting verdict on the ten young pups attempting to win the £25,000 prize. Feel free to let us know your opinions in the box below, or tweet us @dsrealitybites.

22:04: Hope you liked our commentary tonight. Let us know what you thought of the Junior spinoff. We'll see you back here next week!

22:00: Well, what did you all think to that? Jordan dashes any hopes of redeeming himself in his farewell, back-of-the-car interview. "In five years' time I could be more successful than Lord Sugar... I'm better than some people who are still in that house." Hmm, sour grapes from the young chap.

21:57: It's decision time and Sir Alan's got harsh words for all three boys, but it is Jordan who bites the bullet. It's the right decision, but I've softened my stance on Jordan. He even sheds a little tear. "Jordan, because you couldn't control this, you are going to have to go," says Lord Sugar. "But when you get back to school and everyone asks you about this, let me tell you this - when they were scoffing their crisps and drinking their cola, you were here. Don't ever forget that. With regret, you're fired." *sheepishly puts down cola and crisps*

21:53: "You all have tremendous potential. Whoever goes today, it should not be deemed a failure." Oh Sir Alan, you old softie!

21:50: Classic Lord Alan one-liner of the night: "They say cheese gives you nightmares. Well we're certainly having one here." Jordan chooses to bring back Tim and his mortal enemy Rhys. Rhys looks like he could be the first boardroom blubber. Bless him.

21:47: Ooh, maybe I was wrong. Lord Alan has a bee in his bonnet for sheep shearer Tim. "It was the wind that was blowing away my boxes." Sir Alan thinks that "wind" is a pathetic excuse.

21:45: Lord Alan's gunning for them. "You were all running around like headless chickens!" The old lion doesn't appear to care that these are 16 and 17-year-olds. He wants answers!

21:43 The girls' reward is a meal of pigs' ears cooked by Iron Chef Tom Aikens. The boys have to head to the losers' cafe! Rhys and Jordan are at loggerheads. One of those two is going to get the finger from Sir Alan. It's a fight to the death!

21:41: The results are in! And it's a big victory for... THE GIRLS. Team Revolution make over £100, while the boys slumped to a loss of £200. It's not looking good for Project Manager Jordan.

21:39: The girls are already bitching! Zoe (the one in the beret) has got the other girls' backs up. Emma Walker looks very keen to stick the knife in. Rhys takes a few stabs at Jordan as well, but the boys seem relatively calm... for now.

21:36: Times up! The boys and girls have both sold all their cheese after some final last dash sales. But who has made the most money? That's the bottom line!

21:34: Adam Eliaz is an old-fashioned geezer salesman. A boy after Lord Alan's heart. "Woman like cheese. I'm targeting woman!" Who needs further education with golden nuggets like that?!

21:31: Tensions are mounting. Who said that this would be less serious than the original show. Project manager Hibah is breaking down in tears because no one is letting her sell the cheese. And Jordan appears unwilling to learn Arjun's name? Which is pretty rude, let's be honest.

21:27: The boys are getting bogged down in pricing. They have some "credit crunch lunch boxes" which are selling well, but they have tons of expensive cheese left over. They need a plan and quick!

21:24: The girls may be running a little behind, but they are more organised and are working as a team. Zoe 'you look like a cheesy man' Plummer is working the sales patter and even has Nick Hewer eating out of her hand. Don't let the beret fool you, she looks like a contender.

21:22: Well this Jordan chap already seems like a prize twerp. He seems to think he's the real deal. I think Sir Alan is going to need to cut this young buck down to size. We're only 22 minutes in and memories of Ben Clarke and Pants Man already seem quite distant.

21:19: The boys are heading out early to get their cheese. Jordan wants "the cheapest mild cheddar" as their Cheese Of The Day. Rhys Rosser, who sounds like he has a permanent cold, describes the decision as "madness". There are splits in the ranks already!

21:17: Lord Sugar sets the task at his old school. "Over there is where I played Curio in Twelfth Night," brags Sir Alan. I can imagine the old fella looking rather dashing in some tights and treading the boards. But on with the task... they are going to have to sell cheese. Lots of it. It's an old-fashioned sales task.

21:14: After much delay, hesitation and responsibility-dodging, Hibah takes over the girls' "Team Revolution". BERET ALERT on the girls team. Zoe Plummer is rocking the Lucinda Ledgerwood look. Will she have the same charms in the boardroom?

21:11: The boys and girls are split up and are coming up with their team names. The boys come up with "Instinct". Not surprisingly, Jordan De Courcy is more than happy to be team leader. By the way, are we the only ones who think Tim 'I work with sheep' Ankers can't be 17? He looks like a 30-year-old city banker!

21:09: Zoe Plummer looks like she's walked off the set of Bugsy Malone. Jordan De Courcy (yes that is his real name) looks like he may be the prize pillock of the series. He's got a snorting laugh and is rather snooty about the other contestants.

21:08: "I'm sure Nick Hewer doesn't need any introduction," scowls Lord Alan. Nick Hewer has been overdosing on those lemons again. Never has a man looked so sour. I miss Margaret, but as long as Nick's around, everything will be fine.

21:07: Sir Alan wants the kids to "hump potatoes" like he did during his youth. Is it just me, or does that sound a bit painful?

21:05: "You probably think I'm some grumpy old git... well I'm not... I'm not old." "This is one of the few times I'm the tallest person in the room." Oh Sir Alan, you old wag!

21:03: Does anyone else find the Apprentice music quite soothing? It makes me smile.

21:01: Kirsty Cleaver is not one to be messed with. "I even cheat at board games!"

21:00: YES! YES YES! The Apprentice is back! But this time... the deluded contestants are kids! Bring on Nick Hewer! Bring on the Sugar monster!

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