'The Apprentice': Nodding dogs - recap

There has been a bit of criticism from some quarters that this year's Apprentice is lacking a bit of sparkle. There has been no supervillain like a Michael Sophocles or Katie Hopkins. Neither has there been a booming ego on legs like Tre Azam or Baggs The Brand.

Some commentators have even described the Class of 2011 as a let-down. But last night's episode proved such whining to be hogwash.

This week's challenge was simple. Sell, reinvest and sell some more. Lord Shugs provided the teams with £250 worth of wholesale goods (or "old tut" as he likes to call it). All they had to do was flog it for a profit, buy some more, sell that on again and so forth.

Simple enough stuff. Surely even nodding Thunderbird puppet Tom, Britain's Biggest Gob Melody and Susan "are the French fond of their children?" Ma could figure this one out. Or so we thought.

As it was an old-fashioned sales contest, Jedi Jim was the man you wanted in your team. Even Nick Hewer warmed to his "baloney" as he flogged tatty umbrellas and nodding dogs to unsuspecting tourists in Covent Garden ("You could do with an umbrella... it's a good umbrella... look in my eyes... pay me £10 for an umbrella").

The only problem for Jim this week was his teammates. Susan Ma was shipped off to flog duvets door-to-door. Wide-eyed and as gormless as ever, Ma trundled around like a headless chicken, hoping to capture a Chelsea pensioner in search of some new bedding.

Even more problematic for Jim was his PM Natasha Scribbins. She took on the role of Scrooge McDuck for two days, refusing to reinvest in more merchandise until every last nodding dog was sold.



Team Venture's problems, however, were nothing compared to the atrocities against business being committed by motormouth Melody, brainiac Tom and the usually reliable 'Little Miss Perfect' Helen.

Tom was reduced to pinching pennies from children as he sold nodding dogs by the dozen on the Southbank. But his determined efforts were being undermined by his teammates, who were travelling around London's pound shops trying to offload £10 duvets. The mind boggles.

Day two rolled around and the obvious plan of action should have been 'buy as many nodding dogs as possible ("woof, woof", in the words of Nick Hewer) and find a location in London with the most gullible tourists'.

Melody, a woman who believes in saying 150 words when 1 will do, instead opted for the Supermarket Sweep approach to wholesale investment, filling up her shopping trolley with electronic garbage and tatty produce ("Digital clock! Travel kettle! Cuddly toy... cuddly toy!").

Even Natasha's tight purse strings (which earned Venture a £100 fine from a blustering red-faced Shugs) and Jim's failed umbrella dash finale couldn't save Team Logic. Melody, Tom and Helen faced Sugar's firing finger squad.

Daggers were out in the boardroom and not just from the contestants. Shugs played the Grinch, refusing to give Team Venture their treat of a day out at Goodwood Racecourse. "There's no balls, no guts," the grizzled old bear grumbled.

Back at the house, Susan threw a strop and flounced off in a huff after a bust-up with Natasha. In the boardroom, Melody's best "jabber" couldn't save her from the chop ("My business was mentioned in the Queen's Christmas Day speech").

Tom continued to wilt under pressure, but Shugs seemed determined to draw out a long execution for Brains. His nodding dog sales saved him this week, but how much longer can "Mr Hindsight" survive while he continues to whisper on the sidelines?

He has even managed to annoy the usually unflappable Helen, who objected to his swipes about her lack of proper business experience. The Greggs exec assistant gave him her best icey schoolteacher stare when the boardroom battle concluded. "Tom was very naughty," she winced.

However, it was Melody heading off home in the black cab, her ego bruised, but sadly not totally eroded ("Lord Sugar and I won't be going into business right now but perhaps our paths will cross again"). Desmond Tutu, Dalai Lama and Al Gore... your girl took one hell of a beating.

The Apprentice continues next Wednesday at 9pm on BBC One.