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'The Apprentice' review: 'She's a very noisy young woman'

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Some of the greatest moments in any Apprentice are the early morning wake-up calls. Lord Alan Sugar appears to take sadistic glee in getting his secretary to call up his candidates at silly o'clock in the morning and warning them that they have to be halfway across the other side of London sharpish or else.

Watching newbies such as Stephen Brady and Tom Gearing stumbling around in their pants, bleary-eyed and confused as they attempted to make it to the V&A museum in 15 minutes, provided a slapstick opening worthy of the farcical business attempts ahead.

Shugs' latest task for the fab 15 was simple. Invent a household product (for the bathroom or kitchen) and make loadsa money off it. What could possibly go wrong?

Laura on The Apprentice S08E02

© BBC



The girls were led this week by Jane McEvoy, a self-proclaimed "bossy boots" with a lovely Irish lilt. Unfortunately for her the girls' team were about as good at creating inventions as they were with their North London geography last week. Bloody useless.

Split between a tap cosy - like a tea cosy, but for taps - and a Splish Splash screen for kids mucking around in the bath, they opted for the latter. On paper it appeared to make sense and seemed like a fun idea, allowing kids to draw and muck around without creating mess. In reality, giving kids a splash barrier is like wafting a McDonalds SuperSize meal in front of a hungover student. There is no way they can resist taking it on and the results will always be messy.

Things weren't all rosy with the boys on Team Phoenix either.

Phoenix clash over which household gadget to go for on The Apprentice S08E02

© BBC



Slick fridge-selling dude Azhar Siddique put his hand up to be project manager and also declared himself to be the "killer whale" of the series. He's probably somewhere around trout on our Apprentice fish scale at the moment, but he shows promise.

The boys were also split on the final product with market research and common sense suggesting they went with Adam Corbally's scouring washing-up gloves. But bone-headedness and big egos dictated policy and instead they followed through Duane Bryan's concept for an eco-bin. A product that he fell in love with so much, we suspect he may have curled up with said bin back at the Apprentice house post-task.

Bryan's passion for an eco-bin was relentless and touching. Here was a man who clearly finds the idea of putting food in one bin and all other waste in another incredibly taxing. He'd prefer a sexy eco-bin with an added plunger to avoid nasty smells. Oooh... the excitement!

Maria falls asleep while the other girls discuss what product to choose on The Apprentice S08E02

© BBC



However, no matter what the boys did, the girls could always do it twice as badly. With Maria O'Connor either snoozing on the backseat or barking down the telephone, weasel-like Katie Wright sniping and griping about every idea and a financial plan with more holes in it than a colander, they were left red-faced in the pitch as they attempted to flog a million Splish Splash boards to baffled and bemused Amazon employees.

Back in the boardroom, it was a walk in the park for the boys. Lord Shugs wasn't a fan of what he called "a bin for vegetarian dwarves", but with 13,000 sales there was nothing the girls could do but brace themselves for some of the finest beverages that the Losers' Cafe could offer.

Jade had made a pig's ear of the numbers, Jane made the mistake of "bringing the violin out" in the boardroom, but in the end Maria always looked the most likely to get the axe.

Jenna, Jane and Maria on The Apprentice S08E02

© BBC



"She's a very noisy young women", winced Nick Hewer, signing and sealing her fate. Sadly, Maria's snazzy dress sense and even snazzier eye shadow are no more.

The Apprentice continues on Wednesday nights at 9pm on BBC One.

What was your verdict on tonight's Apprentice? Share your views below!

> 'Apprentice' episode one review: 'I'm not looking for Lord Lucan'
> 'Apprentice' Maria O'Connor exit interview: 'I just had a nightmare'

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