When I was 16, I split my time 50/50 between locking myself in my bedroom playing Donkey Kong Country on the SNES and kicking the shins of my mates on the football pitch. I used to think I wasted my youth, but watching the Young Apprentice makes me believe that my youth was in fact very well spent.
Instead of trying to become the world's greatest salesman, launching a global enterprise or becoming the youngest ever person to achieve being a business-talk dipstick, I was busy being a kid. I was busy eating sweets and drinking pop rather than trying to increase profit margins in playground dealings.
Tonight's Young Apprentice featured the firing of Sean Spooner. A boy with a gigantic moptop haircut and the business aspirations of a 45-year-old. He looked about 8.
Sean came a cropper in a cookery book task, which involved the two teams creating their own recipes and a cookery book brand to sell to publishers. Unfortunately for wee Sean, he had Maria 'The Scowler' Doran in his team.
[Sean Spooner - left / Maria Doran - right]
While Sean still looks like the sort of kid who'd get excited by a new Lego set or a Kinder Surprise toy, Maria came across like the sort of woman who gobbles up kids like Sean for breakfast.
With a flick of her hair, a piercing of her eyes or a curl of her lips she had the rest of the team following her barked orders.
Not surprisingly, it all went balls-up for Sean and the lads as they were led a merry dance down Maria's 'Professional Woman' concept, which ultimately cost them the task. Personally, we're looking forward to the spinoff Unprofessional Female cookbook with recipes for cheesy chips and kebab sandwiches.
The idea was so bad that it couldn't even defeat a team with suggestions of "peanut butter on nachos" and who couldn't spell "potato".
Maria may have been a scary proposition for Sean's boys, but compared to the girls in team Platinum - Alice, Amy, Ashleigh, Lucy, Amy and Navdeep - she was an angelic pushover. The devilish female six-piece spent most of the episode shooting dagger eyes at each other, sharpening their knives and plotting each other's downfall.
Poor Steven Cole was just a bystander as the girls bickered and bitched about who was to blame for problems that hadn't even happened yet. Yes, the junior Apprentice candidates are even more cunning and conniving than their adult counterparts.
This generation has grown up with reality TV and they understand every gameplan and trick in the book and even know-it-all Lord Sugar will have his work cut out getting one over these cheeky upstarts.
"This hashtag business - that's Twitter right?" Nick Hewer. We heart you forever.
Peanut butter and nachos. Hands up, who is planning on trying it?
Alice is being credited as an egg farmer. AN EGG FARMER.
"Nothing wrong with a forceful woman". Did anyone else spot the shudder-inducing raised eyebrows and cheeky grin between Shugs and Karren Brady? *shudders*.
Young Apprentice continues on Thursday nights at 8pm on BBC One.
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