'Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model' Auditions 3 - Recap

Dublin and Manchester were the final ports of call for the Next Top Model judges this week and the contestants appeared to sense it was their final opportunity, whipping out tears, sob stories and ludicrous behaviour for 15 minutes of fame.

The episode ended with everyone in tears. A girl called Daniella revealed that she had a stutter. Charley Speed may have twitched a bit, but this barely raised an eyebrow. But then she also revealed that her father had died at war when she was young. Why she even chose to mention the stutter is a bit of a mystery.

By the time she'd finished speaking, even Grace Woodward - a woman so cold-hearted that she looks like she could deal with drowning puppies without so much as a flinch - shed a tear. Daniella could have looked like Susan Boyle with a hangover and she'd have made it through after that speech.

She'll be joined in the boot camp stage by former viewer-vote winner from a previous series Nicole and a girl called Michelle who claims to have a psychic mother. Here's a prediction for you, Michelle - you're not going to win.

The judges continued stroking their chins, pulling their most deadly serious faces and impressed with deadpan looks as they wheeled out ludicrous one-liners. "I don't think your fringe is doing you any favours," they suggested at one point without even a hint of a giggle.

Elle sounded as if she really believed what she was saying as she suggested the frankly baffling, "Smile with your eyes". Grace Woodward even told one girl that she had "very weird proportions". Just for the record, she wasn't speaking to an Oompa Loompa.

The unquestionable highlight from ep three, however, was Elle's meeting with Boyzone's Ronan Keating and his wife Yvonne. The popstar's PR probably thought it was a good idea to get him on the screen with Yvonne following those revelations about his private life last year.

However, having Ronan telling Elle where you can find "the beautiful girls" on the streets of Dublin didn't do much for his image. It did raise a few titters, though.

Moment of the Week
Elle Macpherson telling a girl that she had "something Marlon Brando" about her. We presume she means On The Waterfront-era Brando rather than Vito Corleone.

Insult of the Week
"You need to be about five inches taller, your legs need to be much longer, the fact that you have dark roots and blonde hair at the end doesn't really help your face and complexion. Your skin is reasonably good, but not glowing, shining..." Elle Macpherson lets a contestant down lightly.

Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model continues on Monday nights at 9pm on Sky Living.