Derek goes on kissing frenzy

Derek became the object of everyone's affections in a special minitask last night.

The cigar-deprived writer's secret mission was to obtain a kiss from every other housemate without arousing any suspicion. For every kiss he received, one cigar was his; the bonus prize for a full house being several bottles of red wine.

Setting about his task, Derek soon discovered that some of the housemates had looser lips than others. Craig, Kemal and the girls were all easy smooches, as was assured metrosexual Roberto, who also treated Derek to a lingering man hug.

Anthony had no qualms dishing out a peck but Maxwell required a bit more convincing. "My little sister's going to watch this," he complained but eventually relented after much goading from Saskia.

Science proved to be the most testing target, however, holding up a pillow to shield himself from Derek's bedroom approach before making a high speed exit to the loft.

"It's such a black man's thing that they would never kiss another man," exclaimed Derek as he resumed the kiss chase. "That was just so retarded."

"My lips are made for women," said a cowering Science, threatening to jump from the window of the loft if Derek entered.

Saskia, who had cottoned on to Derek's real intentions, pulled Science aside to explain. The pep talk eventually convinced Science to surrender his lips to Derek's bald head, albeit under the self-pretence: "I'll do it as if it was a football."