Mama Weer All Crazee Now

Pre-show waffle

I?m not sure that extending the length of the celebrity version of the show is such a good idea. The shortness of the run makes this version super-concentrated Big Brother with events crammed in so fast that most days are significant. I feel that extending the run and the number of housemates may dilute things a wee bit too much.

There is no doubt that this year will have to be pretty special to match the highs of last: memories of Big Mac, Germaine and of course Jackie still loom large though the likes of Kenzie, Jeremy and even winner Bez soon faded from the memory.

As ever there are bound to be a few bit part players along the way so the question is who will be this year's Vanessa (a good thing from a viewer?s perspective) and who will be this year's Caprice (a good thing from a voyeur's perspective).

Unlike the "proper" show, we have preconceived ideas about the famous - or in the case of some of these, nearly famous - and it's seeing those conceptions overturned that often makes for the best telly. In that regard Brigitte was the undoubted revelation in 2005, her more subdued and sensitive side baffling those of us who had seen and been unimpressed by her larger than life performances on other shows.

There's just something about Big Brother that quickly strips away the layers and shows the real person underneath and it's a pleasant surprise to find that some people are nicer than their screen image. Anne Diamond was one such individual, coming across as far nicer under the microscope than she ever did on TV-am or than she was portrayed in the tabloids.

Enough waffle, on to business?

Knee jerk reaction

As ever it would take a daft person to attempt to sum up each housemate within minutes of their arrival and if you want daft you've come to the right place. Let's have a bash at it:

Chantelle

Placed in the house as a ?nobody? but as of now, like it or not, fake tanned Chantelle is a celebrity and who knows, she may end up being more ?successful? in the strange fame obsessed world in which we live than some of her more ?illustrious? housemates.

Michael Barrymore

The rumours were true then.

Even before we?d got to the end of his introductory tape, I felt really uncomfortable. This could backfire big time. Even before his much-publicised downfall, Barrymore never struck me as the most stable of individuals and emotions seemed much to the fore as he was faced a cheering crowd.

I?ve got a bad feeling about this.

Pete Burns

No mundane entrants so far then. We saw some pretty gross pictures of when some of Pete?s cosmetic surgery had gone wrong, which put me off my apple pie and custard.

Traci Bingham

Only three celebs in and we get an ex-Baywatch star. Scraping the bottom of the barrel already?

Dennis?s initial reaction to her was certainly interesting though.

Maggot

The Goldie Lookin Chain star has a low wit, which should rub a few fellow housemates up the wrong way.

Chances are he could emerge as one of this year?s big hits.

Rula Lenska

I was a big fan of Rock Follies but that was thirty years ago. I do have a few negative preconceptions of this lady, mainly gleaned from reading Dennis Waterman?s autobiography, so this could be interesting.

Jodie Marsh

Hardly new to the reality circuit, top self publicist Jodie has never struck me as the most diplomatic person in the world and sparks are sure to fly at some stage.

Great!

Dennis Rodman

This guy may be a big shot over in America but what do we care about basketball players over here? Judging from his pre-entry clip he won?t think much of us either.

Five NBA titles eh? Who cares?

Faria Alam

Being in the tabloids was scary was it? If you want the red tops to leave you alone, going into the Big Brother house is hardly a good idea then.

Booed on the way in and worth a bet to booed on the way out. My early bet for a swift exit. The Alam bells are ringing!

Preston

Don?t get too excited. It?s not the robot dog from Wallace & Gromit?s A Close Shave but the lead singer of The Ordinary Boys.

At this stage, Chantelle?s mission was looking decidedly easy.

George Galloway

I thought we were scraping the barrel with Baywatch and basketball but politicians? Come on. Actually George can be very witty and quick at times and certainly doesn?t suffer fools gladly.

Ridiculously early verdict

Just when you thought things couldn?t get much worse, up popped Russell Brand to publicise Big Mouth with a beard that made him look like Cornelius from Planet of the Apes.

It?s not the most stellar line up in the world but it?s how they?ll blend that really matters and the very early portents don?t look too good. This is such a disparate bunch that it really is difficult to imagine much bonding going on although perhaps they?ll pull together in adversity.

I get the feeling that the producers of Soapstar Superstar won't be quaking in their boots at the quality of the cast.

I?ll admit it, I?m disappointed and a bit worried that we?ve got twenty odd days to spend with this lot. The irony is that after the first hour or so, Chantelle has emerged as my favourite.

Let?s hope that Big Brother gets evil quickly. Things will definitely need gingering up.