Let the world see what you have got

It's quarter past two on Saturday morning and I've just finished watching Big Mouth. I wonder whether anyone other than Russell still finds those awful dick sacks routines remotely funny. I pour a coffee, help myself to a big chunk of Stilton ? I'll risk the nightmares ? and reflect on the night's events. Things always seem ten times worse in the dead of night so it's probably a bad time to start writing about them. I turn the laptop on anyway.

I check the Inbox. One particular e-mail gives an eloquent and well thought out appraisal of recent events. I'm annoyed because it?s better than my stuff. I briefly consider plagiarism but it may well be a bad idea. It seems that although there's no room in Her Majesty's Prisons for paedophiles, they can still find the room to gaol journalists. Probably best to play it safe.

The phone vote fiasco wasn't even the first one this series and one wonders what just what the total mess will do to Channel 4's finances, given that they rely on cash cows like this to make the less profitable stuff. I notice that there seems to be quite a high proportion of public information adverts in the breaks. Have other advertisers followed Carphone Warehouse in pulling out of the show? Can a channel with such a unique remit not be damaged by having the moral high ground whipped away by a bunch of mobile phone salesmen?

It's far too late to ponder such questions. I reach for a Ritz cracker and reflect on eviction proceedings:

Davina McCall looked as solemn as she could having just done an impression of Jermaine shaking his maracas and made a tasteless gag about Jack shaking his. "This series of Celebrity Big Brother has divided the nation like never before and we genuinely regret any offence this has caused some people," she informed us with as much sincerity as she could muster. Just behind her there was a large banner saying "Get Shilpa and Jermaine Out". Now on some shows, unfortunate timing such as this would have probably sent the gallery into mass panic. I wonder whether producers of this mess even noticed how remarkably ironic that was.

I need to watch the highlights of Thursday's package again because I was really distracted and preoccupied by Cleo's hair. What did she do to it? There?s Something About Mary springs to mind. Surely not. Please tell me that Jack isn't supplying her hair gel.

I did pick up on a telling moment when Jo put her disdain of Dirk aside to get a whisky off him. The cigar-chomping actor complied but not with good grace and dropped down a notch in my estimation. Jo would have dropped a few too but frankly there's only so far down you can go.

The exit from the house itself seemed rather unremarkable, given that it was a double. Cleo showed what a little showbiz trooper she is. Jo didn't.

A hour elapsed between Jo and Cleo's eviction and the interviews but it would seem from what we witnessed that neither were fully debriefed in that time. Some may say that there would be allegations of coaching if they had been but it may well have made for a slightly more informed interview.

I did wonder why Davina went for Jo with a ferocity that clearly wasn't there when Jade was turfed out. Perhaps Jade got off more lightly in her interview because she didn't attempt to defend her actions. Jo's reaction to being confronted with her own behaviour was more complex, far more defensive, at times almost indignant and lacking remorse in any way.

The remorse may well come later but not in the glare of publicity that is the eviction show. Davina is no Paxman but she danced so cleverly around the nonplussed ex-pop star that I felt that had it been a boxing match, the ref would have stepped in before the end. As it was Davina was left to deliver the killer blow and when it came, it turned out to be a sucker punch. Jo walked straight on to it. "Did you show people who you really are?" was the jab, "Yes I did. I really believe that I did." came the self-damning reply.

A knockout blow.

Of course the mauling from McCall is nothing to the comments that have been passed on Jo while she's been in there and one can only assume that she'll take things really hard, given that from what we've seen there's not been much evidence of mental toughness. Indeed it wouldn't be a massive surprise if she got so depressed that she took to wearing a dressing gown all day while chain smoking. At least we won't have to witness that any more though.

It was a little surprising that Cleo was also given a fairly rough ride in her interview, but it revolved too much around the big talking point rather than incidents that Cleo was truly at the heart of.

By now, it's four-o'clock in the morning and it's starting to get light. Actually it won't be light for another three hours but if you're going to plagiarise anyone who better than Beverley Craven? Never let the facts get in the way of a nice line. Is this a good time to write my final opinion in this year?s housemates? Probably not. You'll have to wait for them. For a long time possibly.

Time to sleep.

I soon find myself dreaming of next year's CBB. In the house are Johnny Vegas and Monkey, Diana Ross, Beverley Craven, Nick Griffin from the BNP, a Dalek and most worryingly Cameron Stout from BB4.

That late night Stilton was a really bad idea.