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Celebrity Big Brother - The Final: live blog

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CBB: Brian Dowling

© PA Images / Rebecca Naden/PA Wire

Who will win Celebrity Big Brother? Will Jasmine Lennard thump Rhian Sugden? Does spreading your buttocks cross the line? And will Julie Goodyear bring a banana with her? All key questions that we want answered on this evening's grand final at Elstree Studios.

Coleen Nolan, Julian Clary, The Situation, Martin Kemp, Ashley McKenzie and MC Harvey are the six celebs battling for the series crown, but it's one of the closest to call in recent history.

Join us from 9pm when the Celebrity Big Brother final kicks off and we'll be blogging the entire evening's action.


22:58Thanks for joining us this evening. See you back here in January when it all kicks off again. We wouldn't miss it for anything.


22:57We're guessing Celebrity Big Brother will be back in January again. Bring on the Chuckle Brothers (maybe) and Gordon the Gopher (possibly).


22:55However, Brian promises that non-Celeb Big Brother will be back next year. Check out all the details on the Channel 5 site if you fancy a summer holiday with a load of loons, wannabes and chancers.


22:54That's all, folks. No more Big Brother in 2012. Not even Channel 5 can sneak in another series before Christmas. Trust us, they probably tried.


22:52Julian manages to sneak in a cheeky plug for his stand-up tour. We can forgive him. He just spent three weeks with Julie Goodyear, The Situation and MC Harvey.


22:51Julian apologises for the lack of "constant filth". Oh, don't apologise, Julian, there was more than enough for us.


22:50"He's not very evolved," says Julian, when asked about The Occasional Table... sorry, The Situation. He pretty much nailed the Jersey Shore star in four words.


22:49Mounted by Bet Lynch. Hands down Coleen Nolan's bra. Life couldn't have been any better for a gay man in that house.


22:46It took Julian 30 seconds to get an "ejaculation" gag out. That's quite slow for Julian.


22:45"I've never won anything in my life. What's my mother going to say?" Julian is quickly making Brian look out of his depth.


22:45Julian looks shaken. It's very strange.


22:43Time for Julian... to meet... the fireworks!


22:38We wonder whether Julian's Big Brother win ranks above his infamous 'moment' with Norman Lamont at the Comedy Awards all those years ago.


22:37It's time for Julian to face his interview with Brian. And his dreaded fireworks.


22:35"Everytime I got in the jacuzzi, I thought, no, keep them in." Coleen reveals why she didn't do "a Denise Welch". Thank the Lord.


22:33Brian Dowling wants to find out why Coleen and Julie clashed. Coleen blames it on a "fakeness" from Julie. To be fair, I thought they were both as bad as each other.


22:30We'll have to wait a little while for the Julian interview. First up, we've got Coleen. She'll be nice. She'll be sweet. She'll be polite and lovely. She'll be dull.


22:24Julian actually breaks down in tears after he hears that he's won. It's interesting to see him show an emotional side. He usually hides his feelings behind his comedy, cold exterior and one-liners. Winning clearly means a lot to him.


22:23"Can you ask them to cancel the fireworks?" says Julian. Brilliant.


22:22Julian wins. Yay! Great news. Don't tell anyone, but we wanted him to win from the start.


22:22The winner is...


22:21DUM-DUM-DUM.


22:21CROWN THE WINNER TIME.


22:20Martin says that Big Brother was exactly what he thought it would be. "Exciting" and "boring". And with that he's gone. He's off to collect his 'Gold' royalties from the Olympics. He'll be back on the SCS adverts for Christmas.


22:16If there was a mahogany wardrobe in the background, Martin Kemp could do a great chameleon impression.


22:15Martin Kemp has a cracking tan, doesn't he? He makes Brian Dowling look like a particularly pale-faced Elizabethan.


22:11Plus, we always liked Tony Hadley more anyway.


22:11Martin Kemp seemed like a smashing bloke, but he had watched Big Brother too much. He played the game too well and ended up fading into the background rather than being the star of the show. It won him a spot in the final, but lost him the crown.


22:07Disappointing lack of Spandau for Kemp's departure. Must be saving it for his Best Bits.


22:06*Sings to tune of Spandau's 'Gold'* "You are thirrrrrrrrrrrrd. THIRD. Always believe in your soul!"


22:05Martin Kemp is in third! A bit of a shocker!


22:04Who has finished third? EVICTION TIME!


22:04The Situation says that he will miss Big Brother. Oh, I bet he never loses touch with Julian Clary, Coleen and Martin Kemp. They'll be best Facebook buddies and have dinner nights all the time. Possibly.


22:00"The odds don't lie, and why wouldn't she fancy me?" says The Sitch. I think that was possibly a joke. His potato face almost cracked into a smile. Clever Sitch. Give him a gold star, Brian.


21:58We get a showreel of The Sitch and Danica's 'relationship'. I expect the pair to make some cash out of a photoshoot and then never speak to each other again.


21:56The Sitch is thanking his fans. The United Kingdom. He's only one step away from thanking his parents and God. It's not the blooming Oscars, mate.


21:51We wonder if Brian Dowling will inform The Situation that Jersey Shore has been cancelled. "Erm, by the way, you're unemployed."


21:49I'm never entirely sure The Situation really knows what is going on. He's more potato than man.


21:48The person in fourth place is...The Sitch. The Occasional Table has gone.


21:47Bye bye, Ashley. It's EVICTION TIME.


21:46Brian Dowling introduces a Ashley and MC Harvey bromance montage. It's the least interesting and most tedious "bromance" I've ever witnessed. Hopefully it will kill off this country's strange obsession with the term 'bromance'. Didn't we use to call it just blokes who happened to be friends?


21:43Ashley is asked about his feelings for Rhian. He thought she was "on it". It turns out she was "off it". He says he's fine with that. He wishes her luck with her OK magazine deals. Ouch!


21:39It's time for Ashley's interview. Forgive us if we go make a brew. We're not that interested in what he has to say.


21:33Ash looks pretty peeved about that. He probably thought he had it in the bag. Everyone in the house loved him and presumed he would win because of Olympic fever.


21:32Ashley McKenzie is the next out. He wasn't seperated from his bromance with MC Harvey for long.


21:31Eviction time!


21:31And with that, MC Harvey fades back into obscurity.


21:30Not one question about Harvey's buttocks. Come on, Brian. Where are the hard hitting questions?!


21:29MC Harvey's humbleness lasts about two minutes. He claims that he won't hold a grudge against Julie. I thought it was Julie who would be annoyed and not wanting to meet him.


21:26MC Harvey hits out at Prince Lorenzo for accusing him of treating women "like property". He claims that Prince doesn't "have swag" and shouts about him being in "my country". MC Harvey is morphing into Jim Davidson.


21:24Harvey claims that he has "already won" and says that he's proved he's not a bad guy. Hmm.


21:23MC Harvey is "welling up". Apparently. He switches from tears to talking in rapid speed. Impressive.


21:19Let's hope Brian Dowling gets to the 'bottom' of buttcheek gate with Harvey. When does bum flashing cross the line? It's the question that dominated the Digital Spy office for at least ten minutes today.


21:17'21 Seconds' of fame beckons for the So Solid Crew star. Nobody remembers the man who came sixth.


21:16MC Harvey is gone. He does his best to keep his smile through his disappointment.


21:14First eviction time!


21:13MC Harvey wheels out the emotional big guns. He claims that Martin Kemp has replaced his dad in his life. He also says Ashley is like a brother to him and that they both have "soft sides". It doesn't matter what you wheel out, Harvey. We're still not forgiving you for Alesha.


21:12Julian Clary reveals that his biggest surprise has been living with "heterosexual men". "It turns out they're quite interesting," he says.


21:11The housemates are all dressed in lovely dinner suits and are clinking champagne glasses in the garden. It's a big love-in. Without Julie and the glamour models there to shake things up, it's all hugs, kisses, compliments and gushing praise.


21:08We're shown footage from the house now with all the finalists talking to Big Brother about why they want to win. Lots of soppy talk in the Diary Room and desperate attempts to win votes from all concerned.


21:06Julie Goodyear is the last out. She's got a banana with her. Oh God, not the banana. Please, anything but the banana. Think of the children.


21:05It's time to welcome back the former housemates. Jasmine is first out to a chorus of boos. She still looks on edge. Let's hope she's not within swinging distance of Rhian and Danica.


21:04Brian is still trying to make his "don't vote, it's too late" catchphrase stick. It isn't.


21:01Brian Dowling has dug out his best dickie bow. And a sparkly hankie. Sadly, it can't brighten up his wooden delivery.


21:00Welcome to tonight's live blog! Big Brother finals are always pretty tricky to predict winners for these days, but tonight's is even tougher to call than normal. It could go one of four ways as far as I can see. If Julian, Coleen, Martin or The Situation won, I wouldn't be eating my hat.

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