Digital Spy and Reality Bites will be providing you with the best coverage of the show around the clock, as usual, starting with a launch show blog this evening. Bring on Charlie Sheen and Jedward! So stick with us as we celebrate the rebirth of Britain's most notorious reality show.
21:00: Well, well, well. Welcome back Big Brother. New home. I like your style. Will you be as delightfully bad and awesomely brilliant as years gone by? Let's find out: Celebrity Big Brother on Channel 5....starts now!
21:03: It's a wet old night down Elstree. But where else would you want to be in the p*ssing rain than at the Big Brother house with Brian Dowling at the helm. This is the man who hosted The Mint remember!
21:04: "Hello and welcome to Celebrity 2011" says a clearly nervous Dowling. Not the most exciting first line is it? Ah well, we're not here for the host are we. We want some celebs!
21:06: "Buckle up things could get bumpy". It's Kerry Katona time. Someone keep an eye on the free bar! She was Queen of the Jungle. Can she rule the roost on Big Brother?
21:07: Kerry Katona says that we might be able to sniff her through our TV sets. Ugh. I can smell the prawn ring from here. She also thinks she might be on the menopause. Her walk-in music is Cher Lloyd's 'Swagger Jagger'. A track that drives some people to madness. Very fitting for Katona.
21:10: This is Kerry's 145th house. Or something like that.
21:11: Second in? Tara Reid! "People know me most for American Pie". If people know you at all love... She's got some great straight to DVD releases.
21:14: Katona and Tara Reid. Two people who definitely know their way around a bar. Locked in the house. Together.
21:18: Katona to star in a British American Pie remake with Tara Reid? Could be called 'Prawn Ring'? Just a thought. BB house is looking like a luxury rehab centre right now.
21:24: Next housemate? Well, we need a man. It's Big Fat Gypsy Wedding star Paddy Doherty. I use star in the loosest sense of the word. His slurring makes him a natural match for Miss Katona. In the words of Alan Partridge.. "that's just a noise".
21:26: Joining the most unlikely of trios? Amy Childs. WEL JEL. Vajazzles around. I bet Paddy will be getting a lovely trim of his downstairs fuzz from the TOWIE Queen.
21:28: Will be fascinating to see the "real" Amy Childs. She always feels like she's "on" to me. Does she ever stop being the "TOWIE character".
21:30: Good Lord, have I got the right channel. I appear to be watching a show called Celebrity Slurrer! I think Tara Reid is winning that contest right now. She sounds like she's having a stroke.
21:35: Next man in... good God. Darren Lyons. Otherwise known as Mr Paparazzi. If you don't know him, well, consider yourself lucky. Talking about himself in the third person comes as his second nature. So does talking b*llocks.
21:38: Darren Lyons. Pink hair. Gold suit. Sunglasses in the rain. Considers himself a legend. I'm sure you can come to your own conclusions about Darren. Oh the stories, I could tell... *consults lawyers*
21:41: Next up... another Hollywood A-lister. No, it's Sally Bercow. While we admire her intentions of wanting to "stick two fingers" up at the Daily Mail, we're not entirely convinced by her motives. She's given her fee to charity. Fair play. But who goes in Big Brother without a huge ego?
21:45: Do you want to be the cat Sally Bercow? Did she not learn anything from George Galloway?
21:49: If you don't watch Channel 5 much, a great ad for a show called How I Lost One Of My Giant Legs. It does what it says on the tin. Nice work Richard Desmond.
21:51: Next in? Lucien Laviscount. Yes, you heard me. Lucien Laviscount. Remember when Channel 5 were promising us Joanna Lumley and Charlie Sheen. That seems like a long time ago. "You'll know me best for Waterloo Road and Coronation Street". You'll be lucky if we know you mate.
21:53: Lucien met David Beckham once. He mentions this quite a bit. Anyone would think he didn't really have any other proper claim to fame.
21:56: Thought the word celebrity was getting tenuous... here comes Pamela Bach Hasselhoff. The ex-missus of the Baywatch actor. Hmm.
21:59: Pamela looks like she just wandered in from a messy hen-do in a Yates's Wine Lodge. As merry as a fart. Boogie-ing around the stage and mumbling about "my buttercamp". Someone managed to break into the Elstree spirits cupboard, didn't they?
22:05: Has anyone missed Davina yet? I reckon Brian's doing a decent job. He's got the silly enthusiasm and passion needed for BB. No slip-ups at all and he's handled the chatter with the celebs very well so far. Double thumbs up for Mr Dowling.
22:08: Fancy some male totty? It's Bobby Sabel. Never heard of him, but he's got some cracking cheekbones. He's a male model with lovely hair. Lovely, lovely hair. He seems quite nice. Looks like a contender for an early winner. Nobody in the house clearly knows who he is. He's left to fetch his own beer and bottle opener.
22:11: So is that everyone... of course not. We've still got time for one more housemate. Or should that be two... it's Jedward time! Brace yourselves!
22:12: Dressed in Tony The Tiger suits, somersaulting down the runway. Subtle as ever. A mixed response from the crowd oddly. Some of the biggest boos of the night for the Irish twins. That's a bit mean. But only a bit. That first album deserves a bit of booing.
22:18: Not enough Big Brother goodness for you? Don't go anywhere... we're promised a twist. If it doesn't involved Charlie Sheen/Pamela Anderson/David Beckham being parachuted in, there's going to be some grumbles about the lineup.
22:21: First task! Someone's called to the Diary Room. Kerry and Childs want to go. Kerry gets to go. Age over beauty. Amy is "well jel". That catchphrase isn't going to get tiring *sighs*
22:23: Oh Kerry. Poor Kerry. She's got a secret challenge. She has to become the "biggest diva in the Celebrity Big Brother house". A female Big Brother asks her to "throw a diva strop". "F**k a duck," groans Katona. She's all class that girl.
22:26: We're promised another twist tomorrow night by Brian Dowling. No clues other than the threat, "What have they let themselves in for?" In the case of Tara Reid, it's the worst hangover ever by the looks of it.
22:27: What did you make of all that then! I think all things considered, I'm quite excited about watching this unfold. Z-list doesn't even cover it, but hey, it's Big Brother on Channel 5. Were you really expecting Charlie Sheen? Really?
22:31: It's a shame there's no live feed (I want to hear the end of Tara Reid's door story), but you'll have to wait for tomorrow night to get your next chunk of Celebrity Big Brother loving. Worth sticking with, even if it's just to find out exactly who all the celebs are.
22:36: Thanks for sticking with DS for your BB coverage. We love you all. Play nicely on the forums guys. Time to celebrate the return of Big Brother and down some booze and shout at the telly during Emma Willis's Bit On The Side. Night night!
> Big Brother: Marcus Bentley interview: Money is no object on Channel 5
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> Celebrity Big Brother: Our fantasy housemate lineup
> Brian Dowling Big Brother interview