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Celebrity Big Brother 2013 Launch Show - Live blog

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Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Brian Dowling and Emma Willis

© Channel 5

It comes around every New Year before you've even had time to ditch your resolutions about going to the gym and spending less time watching trashy reality TV. Yes, Celebrity Big Brother kicks off again this evening, with a fresh batch of 'celebs' ready to be humiliated on national TV.

Who will have a breakdown? Who will be the next Galloway, Goodyear or Goody?

A total of 12 famous faces, who are expected to include Rylan off that X Factor, Claire from Steps and Toadie off Neighbours (all the big guns), will enter the compound tonight, so stick with Digital Spy from 9pm when we'll be live-blogging all the action right here.


22:56Goodnight, all! Thanks for joining us, and don't have nightmares...

22:56I'll leave you with some beautiful images and riveting conversation - Rylan saying Claire Richards and Ella Henderson "have the same mouth" and Paula talking kilts with Sam.


22:53So that was the great, the good and the downright unrecognisable. While I'm still left wondering who some of them were, I reckon there's enough in terms of clashing personalities and general whatnot that should give this series of CBB some pizazz.


22:52Is this not the bit where we vote for our Wildcard? Is there a number to get Christopher Maloney in?


22:51Rylan wastes no time in getting his well-polished claws out and laying into Spencer. Brilliant.


22:49Locking people in a basement without clothes or food and making them do stuff while watching does feel a bit... wrong...


22:48They may all look posh and well-heeled, but how long is it going to be until they're all slobbing about in their trackie bottoms and onesies?


22:46Frylan - as I'm dubbing them - now reflect on their tricky evening before being let loose with the women in the posh bit of the house.


22:45Ooh - so Frankie and Rylan need to make the biggest decision of the night, and reach a unanimous verdict of saving themselves and sending Speidi to the dark depths. These discussions and debates are akin to the type held at the UN.


22:43How the flip has Heidi heard of Rylan over the pond? And more importantly, who the flip has been telling her that he is a big popstar?


22:41So this pair will basically do/say/launch anything for money, so them entering CBB doesn't really come as a surprise. Even so, it's not the grand finale of contestants I was hoping for!


22:40Correction: Make that Kombat Ken and Barbie.

Heidi and Spencer arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



22:39Doing a Jedward, Heidi and Spencer are going in as one contestant and have a name-smush: 'Speidi'.


22:39It's Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (by name, by nature) from 'reality' bore-fest The Hills who are the last to enter the house!


22:33In this current climate, Tricia really shouldn't make jokes about being felt up by celebrities in the dark. I'm going to leave that one there before the lawyers arrive.


22:32Bring out the M&S platters! I know one of those when I see it...


22:31Laugh it up, basement dwellers! How long will it be before they're tearing each other limb from limb and clambering at the walls until their hands bleed? Sorry, went a bit Dead Set for a minute there.


22:30Rylan nearly had a fit when he met Spice Girl Geri, so we can only imagine that meeting Claire will be a moment to rival his snotty Judges' Houses drama!


22:28Frankie dishes the dirt on N-Rudds, as he heads off to the basement - saving Claire from the grime. That seems the best decision for all concerned.


22:26Do the producers think that Razor boasting about wanting to get his nackers out is going to raise viewing figures? Barf.

Neil "Razor" Ruddock arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



22:25What's the betting that Frankie will nominate him to be banished to the basement and get buxom blonde Claire into luxury?


22:24Really, though, if you close your eyes, pretend he's put on weight and squint pretty ruddy hard, Neil Ruddock could pass for Jim Davidson. Just.


22:24So the speculation, rumours, whispers were correct. Neil 'Razor' Ruddock is heading in. Excuse me while I do a bit of a Bercow here and say "Where's Jim Davidson? *innocent face*"


22:22Poor Claire's becoming more famous for her weight dramas than being 1/5 of the '90s cheesiest poptastic bands. Which is a shame, really. Poor lamb.


22:21Obviously the Steps reunion can't be going that well, then...

Claire Richards arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



22:20It's Claire Richards! I won't say it's a Tragedy or that she might be a Deeper Shade of Blue if she ends up in the basement... But you get the idea with that.


22:18The probability of Lindsay Lohan joining Tricia Penrose, Rylan Clark, Frankie Dettori, Sam thingy, thingy from thingy and the others is looking increasingly unlikely. Which is a massive bummer. Personally, I'd be chuffed if C5 pooled all the fees for this lot, gave it to LiLo, and just let her loose by herself in the house...


22:13Lacey 'Bangers' Banghard (apparently her real name) is joining the other two lasses in the house. Someone might think that Frankie wanted a bevvy of beauties to himself...


22:11In a no-way-set-up scenario, Brian acts as a sort of Cilla Black / Paddy McGuinness character by trying to matchmake Lacey and Sam. But sadly, this beautiful budding relationship is not to last as Dettori and Clark play God with the CBB house.


22:09Lowering the average age/IQ inside the house are token boobs on legs and kilt-wearing Scottish stud muffin, who both are booed. Natch.


22:07Are we sure these two are really famous? Are they? Really??

Sam Robertson and Lacey Banghard arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



22:07And hot on his heels is Lacey Banghard (no, me neither)


22:06Next in is Sam doodah! This chisel-jawed actor-type is Sam Robertson, who has a daft laugh and who starred in Scottish soap River City.


22:01Sadly, CBB have taken the decision to adorn the contestants with name badges. This reduces the amount of hilarious moments where celebrities have to pretend to know each other while they think, "Who the flip am I talking to?" Massive shame!


21:58Hilariously, Paula mistakes Ryan/Toadie for some sort of removal man or behind-the-scenes CBB worker come to rescue her and congratulate her for lasting a massive 10 minutes in the basement.


21:57Paula is suffering from cabin fever already, and manages to look as though she's been in solitary confinement and hasn't seen another human being for months.


21:56Plenty of screeching from Tricia and Gillian, who have presumably met at endless Inside Soap Award ceremonies over the years...


21:55Ryan is down to the basement, and can only hope he will turn it into a sort of 'House of Trouser' scenario. Apologies to all non-early noughties Neighbours fans who that won't mean anything to.


21:53Does that flimsy screen at the beginning of the catwalk really keep out all the noise about what's going on? We think not.


21:52Hmm, so the line-up is taking shape... What do you think of it so far?

Gillian Taylforth arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



21:51Is that Tricia Penrose again? Oh no, my mistake... It's ex-Ender, ex-Strictly contestant, ex-The Bill actress Gillian Taylforth. That's...meh.


21:48In the same way Shaun Williamson will forever be known as 'Barry off EastEnders', Ryan is undoubtedly lumbered with the moniker 'Toadie off Neighbours'.


21:47Next it's Ryan Moloney! But I'm not going to worry about that, because it's TOADIE from NEIGHBOURS! Apologies, am a bit excited about this...

Ryan Moloney arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



21:46It is worrying that anyone's fate - no matter how minor that fate is - is resting in the hands of little 'n' large...


21:41Paula laughs her bits off after inspecting the basement. Is it really that funny, though? I won't try and reason with a woman whose companion is a coconut.


21:39This is, really, a genius idea. It means rifts and general grievances are set up from the get-go and before anyone enters - a sure fire argument starter!


21:37I'm now playing Rylan f**k bingo, and having a drink every time he says it. I will be falling over by 10pm...


21:35The biggest cheer from the crowd so far tonight has been a shout out to the onesie. It's a sad reflection on our society...


21:34But she's seemingly most famous for turning up to a 'do in the same dress as CBB alumni Amy Childs and almost getting the chance to represent the UK at Eurovision after reaching the final of A Song for Europe in 2002 (yes, really).

Tricia Penrose arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



21:33So next up is could-be-anyone-middle-aged-soap-actress-insert-name-here star Tricia Penrose.


21:32Phew, Boris is already inside. Thank God. I was terrified she'd left him behind or dropped him or Boris had been sacrificed for a cocktail.


21:31However, despite not being a relative of Neil or Christine, she's totally off her rocker. Yeah she's a supermodel, yeah she starred in an ad a million years ago. Irrelevant. All I'm interested in is the fact she's taking Boris the coconut into CBB for company and she dated Simon Cowell for seven years.

Paula Hamilton arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



21:30So here is Paula Hamilton. Who's that, you may ask. Well, I don't have a clue either...


21:29Rylan is already lol-tastic, saying the cheeky f-word AGAIN and being generally self-deprecating and stuff. However much I like him, there is no way I'd want to be in a confined space with him for weeks.


21:22Big Brother tripped over his words, while Rylan and Frankie become BFFs within five minutes of meeting.


21:21It might "be hell" in the basement without showers, windows, hot water, la la. But it does have High School Musical motivation in the form of 'We're all in this together' dawbed on the wall. So, you know, it's not all bad.

Rylan Clark and Frankie Dettori enter the Celebrity Big Brother house 2013

© PA Images



21:20In some alternate universe out there, Rylan and 'Frank' are definitely a couple...


21:19Whoops, those with Ofcom on speed-dial will already be on hold after Rylan takes approximately two minutes to drop the f-bomb.


21:18So, the task for Frankie and Rylan is to divvy up the slebs as to who lives Upstairs and who's sent Downstairs.


21:16Rylan is booed to the hilt as he emerges strutting his stuff (those weeks on Signed by Katie Price weren't wasted) to meet little Frankie.


21:15Brian may say they have nothing in common, but their tans are identical for a start...

Rylan Clark arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



21:14Frankie's partner in crime is revealed as housemate number two... X Factor's Rylan Clark!


21:13It may only be ten minutes in, which has comprised mainly of ads, but I already have a favourite moment - Brian saying "The contestants are about to enter the house" and hearing several boos from the baying crowd. Why oh why, people? You don't even know who to hate yet!


21:09Frankie's sporting a perma-tan to rival Brian's, while clunkily glossing over the whole drugs thang. And although he hasn't even got in there yet, he's being set a task! Like the arrival of spring, that's an event that seems to happen earlier and earlier every year.


21:07He's droning on about horses, winning, general jockeying - and yet there's little mention of the drug scandal he's currently embroiled in which has seen him temporarily suspended from racing. And surely that's the main reason C5 producers booked him...?

Frankie Dettori arriving at the launch of Celebrity Big Brother 2013

© PA Images / Ian West/PA Wire



21:06So the first to enter CBB is pint-sized professional horse-botherer Frankie Dettori MBE!


21:05The first tantalising glimpse we get of the house is the minging basement, filled with bedsheets of potato sacks and graffiti. It's already brilliant!


21:02Finally, we're ready to rumble with the very wonderful Brian Dowling and a plethora of mildly famous celebrities!


20:59But before all of that, we get some thoroughly gripping previews of other C5 gems - Benidorm ER and Ice Road Truckers. Hold. Me. Back.


20:57A very good evening to you, Celebrity Big Brother fans! Just one wee ad break stands between us and the biggest reality TV event so far of 2013!

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