7.16pm: Before the defecation begins, I recommend you have a read of this very touching tribute to BB from our reality TV guru Alex. It's worth it for the large picture at the end alone.
7.20pm: As a result of extremely poor planning on my part, I'm actually liveblogging today from holiday in San Francisco. It's 11.20am and I've just had a BBQ pork omelette for breakfast, FYI.
7.22pm: Feel free to comment as we go along over the next few hours using the box at the bottom. Your fave BB memories, abuse, etc - it's all welcome.
7.24pm: Channel 4 weather. Rain. Ouch. Not good for you guys, is it? To reiterate, ABUSE, whatever - all comments welcome.
7.29pm: Here we go. BB stats. 267 housemates, 19 series - amazing. Dermot's back later on, but where is Russell Brand?
7.30pm: Cor, Davina's looking a bit striking in red. "This is the beginning of the end," she says, as the crowd boos.
7.31pm: Davina is giving BB credit for every reality show that's come along since. She's wrong, of course: somewhere in Yorkshire, The Cruise's Jane McDonald is chucking expletives at her TV set.
7.34pm: Dav cycles through the phone numbers for the seven horses in the race. First out has gotta be Preston, right?
7.35pm: All the previous UBB evictees are present - except one, of course.
7.36pm: An update: apparently Jeremy 'Jezza' Spake is also hurling abuse at the TV.
7.37pm: Highlights from yesterday. Prestelle has now come full route - she's still in love with him. Come on Preston, make a move now before the show ends!
7.39pm: The housemates, all dressed in black (except for Preston, who's wearing those grey boxers again) are in the diary room explaining how BB has changed their lives.
7.40pm: Seeing the vulnerable side of Nikki reminds me of this fantastic, perhaps perception-changing interview we did with her last year.
7.44pm: Here at DS we've become somewhat renowned for our impartial, straight-down-the-line news reporting style. But it wasn't always that way. Back in the day when I used to actually write our Big Brother news, things were a little more colourful. Over the next few hours I'll share with you some of my crowning glories. The stories I'm most proud of above all others. First up, click here to find out why you shouldn't leave a certain BB7 housemate unattended in your kitchen.
7.46pm: "I could kill someone with these two fingers". This quote from BB4's Lisa was always a bit more esoteric but has enjoyed a surprise return to the mainstream conscience in recent weeks.
7.49pm: Someone has asked if we'll be seeing any highlights of today's live feed at any point. Wouldn't have thought so. Back in the first few series, the finale would always include some highlights of what had happened earlier that day, but no longer.
7.55pm: Gah, it's really hard not to cry, isn't it? For those of you turning over to see Peggy bid goodbye to the Square - may you be eternally damned.
7.57pm: "For the last time ever" is being bandied around a lot this evening. Mark my words, this is not the last time we'll be seeing Big Brother. It probably is the last time we'll see Davina hosting it, though.
8.00pm: James Blunt is a c***. And Jesus wept.
8.03pm: What, the last night of Big Brother EVER and everyone's in bed before midnight? This wouldn't have happened if Amma had been a UBB housemate.
8.04pm: Another gem from the DS BB archives right here. With added exclamation marks!
8.06pm: Danny Bell, aka Nasty Nick Cotton, my favourite ever voice of Big Brother.
8.10pm: This should have been saved for a DVD extra.
8.11pm: What are the chances that Davina will go on an end-of-Brookside-style rant about the state of British broadcasting later tonight?
8.12pm: Ulrika finishes in seventh place. The grey boxers pulled Preston ahead, I'm guessing. Ulrika waggles her aged rump up the stairs before exiting the house to an appropriately-annoying song.
8.17pm: On account of being in the US, I don't have the "change channel" ability, so I can only speculate as to what's happening on BBC One. I'm imagining a heavily-charred Phil Mitchell desperately clutching the bust of the Queen Vic and demanding she score him some blow.
8.20pm: Another update: Maureen Rees's husband Dave has apparently chucked a rusty L-plate at his TV.
8.21pm: Ulrika can't really understand why she was picked for UBB either. The chosen highlights clips only serve to reinforce this.
8.26pm: Ulrika formed a bond with Brian for the same reason she formed a bond with Josie at the start. I'm stating facts now, people.
8.29pm: Stop the presses! History needs to be rewritten. BB4 WAS interesting.
8.33pm: Dressed to kill, Preston and his grey boxers exit the house. He positively sprints down the stairs, charging like a man possessed to claim his interview.
8.36pm: Sound is dipped as Preston uses the f-word as an adjective for Chantelle. He's a bit slow on the uptake - ten years down the line and he's LIVE ON CHANNEL 4!
8.39pm: Over on EastEnders, Peggy has said her farewells. Meanwhile, Phil is attempting to borrow a fiver from the rotting corpse of Wellard.
8.42pm: Davina says she loves U2. A bit irrelevant.
8.43pm: Nick's in fifth. Boy done good.
8.46pm: Hands up who wants to see Shahbaz's arse? Click here for your reward.
8.49pm: If Channel 4 have any sense, they'll give a big old plug to their new US show The Event tonight.
8.52pm: Davina is threatening to dampen her seat.
8.55pm: Nick is talking in the second person. "You grow up," he tells Davina.
8.58pm: Nick gives a very affectionate, well-rounded view of Big Brother's demise.
9.00pm: It's a fourth place finish for The Slickman.
9.04pm: May we never forget what happened when Saskia's condom split.
9.06pm: The swearing can now flow, which is good timing of course.
9.14pm: The inevitable Jade Goody tribute. Max Clifford describes her as "the biggest reality TV star the world has ever known". Jeremy Spake has just imploded.
9.21pm: Jack Tweed had never seen someone so stunned into silence before. I'll let you make your own jokes.
9.23pm: There are cynical things I want to say about Max Clifford but I'm scared. He has connections in San Francisco, I'm sure of it.
9.26pm: Ooooh, everybody's crying on Twitter. Look on the bright side - it's half price wine at Somerfield!
9.29pm: Another moment from the DS BB archives now. Who was Craig's love rival in the quest for Anthony's bottom? It WASN'T Makosi... Click here to find out.
9.31pm: Is Pete Bennett actually Willy Wonka?
9.32pm: Dermot makes an insensitive joke about the late Marjorie. Complain to Ofcom NOW, readers.
9.33pm: I've always wondered why Craig was disappointed in Nick's shelf. Too wonky?
9.34pm: Anyone else remember that on the early days of BBLB, the evicted housemate would then become Dermot's co-host for the week?
9.36pm: "What's happened since?" Dermot asks Alex Sibley. Thankfully he replied with something about property development or things could have taken a very awkward turn.
9.38pm: Not only does he have hair, but Marco's testicles appear to have dropped.
9.41pm: More classic Craig and Anthony from the archives.
9.50pm: "Wanker," Pete informs Rex.
9.55pm: "Wanker," Pete informs Bea.
9.56pm: Who is better at oral pleasure - Dicky or Dolly? Relive the debate.
10.02pm: "She's been here since the first ever episode," says George Lamb of Davina. If I remember rightly, she didn't actually appear until the end of week two. Complain to Ofcom NOW, readers.
10.10pm: "You were the most unlikely couple," Davina tells Luke and Bex. What about Kemal and Kinga?
10.18pm: These are the precious final moments of BB on C4. Westwood does not deserve screen time.
10.21pm: Add to that list Chris Moyles and Keith Lemon.
10.25pm: OMG it's Cher!
10.29pm: Deep breath. This is it, folks.
10.32pm: "The best reality show the world has ever seen." Angellica Bell is foaming at the mouth.
10.35pm: Chantelle is in third.
10.44pm: "I didn't think we were being properly filmed today," says Chantelle. Umm...
10.48pm: And the winner of Ultimate BB is... BRIAN! Still, a very good result for Nikki.
10.52pm: And here are the voting percentages: Brian had 49.21%, Nikki had 30.28% and Chantelle had 20.51%.
11.01pm: Nikki loves Vanessa. Little known fact, but Chantelle idolises Kilroy-Silk.
11.03pm: ... and Brian can't get enough of Richard Littlejohn.
11.04pm: "Big Brother house, this is Davina. Please do not swear." Hang on, I thought she'd already done that for the LAST EVER time?
11.05pm: It's like the opening of the Beijing Olympics
11.11pm: THIS IS THE LAST PART OF THE LAST BIG BROTHER. EVER, LIKE.
11.14pm: "I'm here, Nadia's not," says Brian pompously, unaware of exactly where she is. Oooooops.
11.17pm: "All you can say is thankyou," Brian says. True dat.
Tears O'Clock: Oh dear.
11.28pm: Davina's final words? "Night night".
11.31pm: So that's it, the end of an era. Here at DS we've been covering BB right since the start, to obsessive levels of detail. It's been such a huge part of our development and transformation over the years and we owe it a lot. I personally owe it a lot. Thankyou to everyone involved in the programme, past and present, for giving us an incredible ten years. We'll miss you.