"I told you it was going to be a bit crazy, didn't I? I was almost watching it like it was an out-of-body experience. I'm quite interested to see what other people thought. I knew that it was going to be emotional like that because I remember living it and it feeling just crazy, and last night I found myself tearing up over certain things and just feeling a little bit emotionally drained afterwards. But in a really strange way I thought it was quite positive, that eventually we got to some sort of agreement of being on the same page.
"There wasn't a lot of thinking to holding the reunion in my house, as you can clearly tell! Basically, the director called me up and he said, 'We're filming a day in the life with you in Ireland - would you mind the reunion being shot at your house?' I just thought, I'm at home anyway, so why not? I really didn't think very long about it. I said it to Kian and he was like, 'Yeah, okay, cool'. And I probably thought in the back of my brain that it would be easier just being at home. That was my thinking behind the Prosecco, which obviously wasn't a very clever idea! I should have been serving coffee, but I just thought, 'A little glass of Prosecco will break the ice, we'll order a pizza, we'll sit on my sofas and we'll just chat and it'll all be fine'. Little did I know that everything that I thought backfired!
"I was always anxious about the reunion because I just remembered what Girl Thing was like. I don't think I ever ran away with the idea that it was all going to be plain sailing. I didn't think it was going to be as dramatic as it was, but it was always going to be awkward. It was a really weird thing for me to have to answer the door four different times with camera crews in my house. It is a real situation, but you're very aware that you've got cameras on you. You don't want to be aware of the cameras either, because you've got to be genuine with the person you're looking at, which is really important. So it was all really awkward and I hated it. I knew it was going to be a really weird, eggy reaction, but at that stage I was like, 'Oh God, we're on it now, it's too late'.
"I didn't have a strategy to stay out of the arguments. When I was 15 and I was young, I think I just very much stayed out of it all. I mean, obviously there were occasions where I was rude to people, but I think the fact that I was young protected me a little bit. I never had a massive problem with anyone, but I did have a problem with the idea that at one point there might have been two people having a go at one person. As 30-year-olds now, I thought that if that happens again, I'm not going to put up with it. It doesn't matter what anyone's been through - two against one is unfair. I thought, 'I'm not a kid anymore, I'm an adult, and if I see any kind of nonsense going on I am going to get involved this time'. As they started talking, it was actually a lot of old history that they needed to discuss, so I just tried to mediate the situation. I didn't want to go round and round in circles of, 'You did say this'. Who can be bothered with that kind of playground drama any more? I certainly can't be bothered with it at 30 years old. I can't be bothered with bitching and I can't be bothered with drama, so if you've got something to say, say it and then get over it. It just gets to a point where you've got to let it go!
"With the Nikki fight, I wasn't there in the house when it happened so it's unfair for me to turn round and say, 'I think this'. I know Nikki's not a violent person. I don't feel like Anika was right in that situation - she found the letter and she opened it and she saw that it was a love letter to Nikki. Instead of going straight to Nikki, she took it to Linzi. So in my eyes, that was s**t-stirring a little bit back then, and it's something that she never really admitted to. I personally can't understand the logic behind it. If you open someone's letter and you see it says 'To Nikki', you just go, 'Nikki, a letter came for you addressed to me, sorry babe, I opened it'. So I wasn't a believer in that whole story, but at the same time I wasn't in the house so it wasn't my fight to really go for gold on.
"But I was shocked at where Linzi calling Michelle two-faced had come from, because Michelle was a little bit like me in the band. We would just go off to our rooms and not really get involved if there was a screaming match going on in the kitchen. I really had no idea that there was that animosity between Michelle and Linzi, and after speaking to Michelle when she said she was scared when Linzi had a drink, I was like, 'Woah!' I really had no idea about any of that. And actually, my relationship with Linzi when I was 15 was great. All the girls have big hearts. There were just clashes that happened.
"We saw Linzi talking about her dates with Brian McFadden - she went out with Brian before there was anything between me and Kian! I think it's because we were signed to the same record label and we were always at the same things together. It's the Irish charm, isn't it? But I had no idea about Linzi's struggles - she never spoke about any of that stuff, which is why it was so shocking. It was just so much to take in all in one go on one night. It kind of broke my heart. Even though I've worked so hard for what I have and so has Kian, you kind of feel like, 'Oh God, we're in my house'. I didn't want to pity her because I think that's patronising, but I did want to be there for her and I kind of thought, 'I wish I'd known all of that stuff'. I would have picked up the phone and wanted to make sure she was okay, but I'm no mindreader so I had no idea. Even last night, I didn't know Linzi tried to commit suicide. I only learnt that when she said it on the TV.
"It scared me when Linzi started saying that her life is going to change because of this, because the girls left the music industry when Girl Thing finished, but I went into acting and was in the band Wonderland, I stayed immersed in the industry. I've done a lot to know that you have to do it as a passion, almost like a hobby. You can't put your whole life on the line for a job. The music industry is so 'one minute you're up, the next minute you're gone'. Even without all the drama that Girl Thing has and the type of band that Girl Thing is, you never know in the music industry whether it's going to work or not. And none of us have actually discussed whether we actually want to be in Girl Thing again. We decided we wanted to tell our story on a TV show but none of us have discussed being in a band together and releasing albums. That's so far beyond me.
"So even though she was really worked up I just had to put the brakes on a little bit, because I thought, 'I can't give this girl false hope and let her fall off the edge of a cliff again'. I just wanted to be really frank and supportive from the off, and be like, 'We've just about got in the same room with each other, I really don't think we should start saying that this is something that turns into the next big thing'. At the end of the day, it's Girl Thing and Girl Thing wouldn't work in this day and age. I just don't think that I want to be in a band called Girl Thing at the age of 30! I absolutely was so grateful for the opportunity of telling the story and getting a happy ending and making up with all the girls and going out in Hammersmith and performing and getting to sing 'Pure and Simple', but that was enough for me. I think Linzi gets that now. That was the first time that I'd seen her in a really long time, so that's why I nipped it in the bud as soon as it came out of her mouth. I thought if I said nothing and let the idea grow, it could have just got bigger and more unrealistic and I didn't want to let her down like that.
"Now, everyone's still the same characters - who really changes? I think you grow up and you learn life lessons, but I think the way that we approach situations has changed now after the reunion. The day at Hammersmith was really unbelievable - we were completely on the same page. But as soon as we started discussing the past, everyone just went back to the old characters - Linzi got angry, Anika would never admit that she was wrong, even though actually Anika has said she was a bit insecure and worried that people didn't like her. We didn't know that about her back then - she would hammer her opinion until you agreed with her and that was what was so hard about her, but now she's a lot softer and she's a lot easier to discuss things with. It was a bit of a process, but I definitely think everyone's 100 miles away from that reunion last night. We've all moved forward.
"But it was so embarrassing when the girls brought up Ben and Dane! First of all, it was a billion years ago. It was so innocent and so young. It wasn't even a thing in my head - it wasn't until Michelle said it back that it sounded like a thing. Ben and I innocently went to see a movie and then went home - I think I remember one of the magazines making up a story about us that was completely untrue. And when I very first met Dane, there was a little incident where he wanted to ask me out and Simon Cowell told him no. But Simon Cowell was saying that to a lot of people. He told Kian no too! He was quite protective of me at that point - I was the youngest in his girlband and he was like, 'No, no, you can't have her'. It was sweet. Actually, Simon used to be quite a good buffer - I used to go up to Simon like, 'That guy asked me out' and he'd say, 'Tell him to come see me'.
"Elsewhere, we saw 5th Story in the studio, and I was very confused by Adam's sexy breathing! I don't know why that song needed that. What part of the song actually has that in it? I was so confused as to what he was actually recording. That must have been hard for Kenzie and Dane to sit there and listen to! But there was some tension with Kavana. I think it's a similar situation to Linzi. When you're trying to deal with so much in your personal life, not having money and needing to do a gig to survive, and then walking into a room of people that are in a completely different situation to you financially, it comes across as he might not have his heart in it, but I think really he has no other choice. His back's against the wall and he just has to do what he has to do to make a living, and he is. I could see why the boys might get frustrated with him, but I can also see why he might have to go off to a gig to earn money. Also, he said he hates singing 'I Can Make You Feel Good'. He's had to take a memory of a big hit song and then just tarnish it with all these working man's clubs where no-one really knows it or cares, and you're singing it to an audience that aren't listening. That would make me hate the song too.
"Now, I'm looking forward to seeing Damage's reunion. I really didn't know about all the tension in Damage - I knew there was a lot going on with Coree, but I didn't really know the details of it all. I just know something went on. It's going to be a really interesting watch!"
The Big Reunion continues on Thursdays on ITV2.