Phobia Corner: Soft Drinks ('Sarah Jane')

The Phobia: Fizzy Drinks

The Cause: The Sarah Jane Adventures - 'The Invasion Of The Bane'

Damn those dreaded beady-eyed Bane. The soft drink industry has survived many scares over the years, from the possible side effects of artificial sweeteners to the inclusion of actual cocaine in the ingredients of one cola drink back in the early days. Then along came Bubble Shock! - complete with impact enhancing exclamation mark!

We were seduced by the funky television ads, pumping down the cables like never before. Lured by the free Bubble Shock! bus that took us to the factory for a tour. And the taste, oh the taste! Bottle after bottle were guzzled, and we all hailed the soft drink company's boss Mrs. Wormwood as the saviour of our collective palate.

Then Sarah Jane Smith entered the fray, along with her young cohorts. They exposed the fact that the beverage's secret ingredient was actually an alien component secreted by Mother Bane - a tentacle-strewn creature with one massive eye. The Bane floating around the bodies of the consumers enabled Wormwood (a squiddy thing herself) to effectively zombify them and bring them under control for her wicked ways.

Alas, with the help of her sonic lipstick, Sarah Jane averted the crisis and the whole event was officially described by the government as owing to a chemical spillage in the factory. That's quite healthy PR compared to the gruesome reality.

There's a saying that goes "ignorance is bliss". Perhaps there's some merit in that, for our tastebuds were never better treated than when doused with Bubble Shock! But can we swig from other cans while not knowing exactly what secret ingredients might be lurking within? To quote contemporary philosopher Morten Harket: "It's no better to be safe than sorry..."

>Click here for a review of the first series of The Sarah Jane Adventures