'Ashes To Ashes' - Season Two Awards

Cult Spy has already delved into both the second season premiere and finale of Ashes To Ashes, but what about all the other shenanigans that happened with the loveable coppers back in 1982?

We traded in the Quattro for some nice cyber-statues to dish out some awards for the greatest moments over the season...


Best Outfit

Gene Hunt finding Ray Carling decked out in ceremonial clobber at Super Mac's masonic lodge was bad enough, but the award goes to the loveable (if corrupt) Chris Skelton for his impromptu striptease in Luigi's bar to the tune of 'You Sexy Thing' by Hot Chocolate. As Alex Drake quipped, he was being "wonderfully postmodern" without even knowing it. Shaz certainly lapped it up. The policewoman almost pinched the award from under her hubby-to-be's nose in the season finale though, turning up in her wedding dress to thwart a bent copper about to murder Chris.

Best Marriage Proposal

Making Chris's tentative proposal to Shaz look like the height of romance, Gene Hunt's offer to his pregnant ex Jackie was legendary stuff.

Gene: "Go on then."
Jackie: "Go on then what?"
Gene: "I'll make a semi-decent woman of you. (Points to Jackie's bump) And a non-bastard of him."
Jackie: "Are you proposing?"
Gene: "If he comes out Gene Genie pink. If not, you're on your own."

Worst TV Critics

While Ray was busy dunking Metal Mickey's head down some U-Bend, Chris and Gene shared their thoughts on a curious new show called Countdown that had just hit the airwaves.

Chris: "It's proper ambulance-chaser telly. It'll never last."
Gene: "Of course it won't... it's for students with greasy hair and the clinically insane."
Chris: "And my Auntie Irene. Mind you, she is insane."

Services To The RSPCA

When Gene and his crew turned up at Super Mac's secret mansion to rumble a seditious sex party, the blunt copper was initially stopped in his tracks by a barking dog. Rather than sweet talk the pooch or lure it away with one of his Garibaldis, Gene instead whipped out his gun and sent it into the canine afterlife.

Alex was not impressed. Neither was Chris, who urged: "Don't tell Shaz we killed a dog."

Best Morphing

No, sadly this award isn't going to Tony Hart's plasticine creation Morph, who made a fantastically eerie appearance early on in the series. The winner is actually Alex Drake, who has curiously begun to morph into Gene Hunt (albeit much easier on the eye). Just listen to this Huntist rant that stemmed from her Boots No7-coated lips:

"Stop pissing us about, Mickey! If you don't co-operate with us I swear to you I will personally see to it that your nuts get squeezed very tightly in a vise. So unless you want to end up with a voice like a Bee Gee I suggest you start telling us the truth."

The Social Embarrassment Award

Perhaps the most competitive category, unsurprisingly dominated by that legendary double act of Chris and Ray. Shaz's revelation that Chris used to fancy Boy George before learning the truth about the singer's sexuality is a worthy runner-up, as is Ray's discovery that a criminal called Gloria he had his eye on was actually concealing a very eye-opening six inches between his/her legs. However, the prize is scooped by Ray for tucking into a nice saveloy - that turned out to be a deep-fried willy! And you thought Mars Bars in batter were a bad idea...

Best Twist

The advent of Martin Summers in 1982, a man from the future with knowledge of Alex's present day predicament, added a fantastic extra dimension to the show - just what it needed given the increasingly stale and self-contained 'crime of the week' formula. When Summers killed his younger self and framed Alex for the crime, this killer twist took the show to new heights. The revelation that Chris was on the fiddle, removing vital pieces of evidence in return for money from criminals, also deserves a mention for its shock value. The poor mite just wanted to buy a nice ring for his beloved Shaz...

Crudest Huntism

None of Gene's legendary quips were quite up there with his 'twanging of the Royal hymen' comment in the first season, but the following one-liner about the general reaction to his policing methods was certainly effective:

"We have the public's faith in us going down faster than Linda Lovelace."

Sweet!

Most Effective Interrogation

Gene's attempts to solicit a confession from a murder suspect (who was actually innocent!) involved taking him into a scrapyard, strapping the poor man into a car and then setting upon him with a mechanical wrecker. Gene later explained to Bolly:

"If a man isn't going to squeal when he's about to have his bum conkers crushed by a big machine, chances are he's telling the truth."

Best Call Signs

For a raid in the penultimate episode, Gene, Ray and Chris operated under the amusing codenames Daddy Bear, Big Bear and Baby Bear. Alex Drake was nowhere to be seen until Daddy Bear was being throttled to within an inch of his life.

"Say hello to Mummy Bear," announced Alex as she strode into shot and KO'd Gene's assailant with a palpable blow to the head.

> Click here for our review of the Ashes To Ashes finale