Cult Spy: Gene Hunt vs 1981

The BBC announced this week that Life On Mars legend Gene Hunt will be transported to 1981 for his own spin-off show Ashes To Ashes. A few Ch-Ch-Changes have taken place since 1973, so how will the openly homophobic, racist and sexist copper fare in this new world? Here's a look at a few of the things poor old Gene will encounter and how he might react...

"There will never be a woman prime minister as long as I have a hole in my arse," boomed Gene back in 1973. Well, either he's done a bit of sewing or he'll be in for a nasty shock. Would Gene dare to ask the Iron Lady to fetch him a packet of Garibaldis? We'd love to find out.

Styles change, fashion doesn't. 1981 was the height of New Romanticism, where it was cool for men to whack on a bit of eyeliner and rouge. We doubt that Gene would succumb to an androgynous makeover, possibly booming that he "couldn't give a tart's furry cup about hairspray!"

Any man spotted wearing eyeliner is likely to be on the end of a verbal (and quite possibly physical) battering along the lines of his famous insult to Sam Tyler: “You great, soft, sissy, girlie, nancy, French, bender, Man United supporting puff!”. What on earth would he say to a younger generation of made-up males? Simon Le Bon - you'd better suck in those cheekbones before Hunt comes along and belts them!

The cultural landscape was dominated by the British success at the 1981 Oscars, with Chariots Of Fire running up a tally of four Academy Awards. However, staunch patriot Gene Hunt wouldn't be prouder than a leper succesfully negotiating a cookery course. "Posh puffs running the four minute mile? Sod that. I can travel much quicker in my Cortina than those Nancy boys!"

You'd never have Mr Hunt down as your typical Eurovision Song Contest fan, but the triumph of Bucks Fizz in 1981 with their memorable routine might well help the DCI to make his mind up. "Ripping the skirts off those bitches is the right way to go. Shame they don't do the same for the top half!"

Phone cards hit the scene in 1981, hailed as a massive tool of technological innovation and a replacement for coin-operated call boxes. We're not sure Hunt would take a punt on a card though. "A real man has shrapnel in his pocket not a poncey card! If there's no jangling of coins when you walk then you deserve to have your bollocks lopped off! Pass me the breadknife!"

To find out how the real Gene Hunt will react to the Eightes, assuming he emerges from Sam Tyler's head, tune in your television sets to BBC One in about a year's time. We can't wait...