Cult Spy Phobia Corner #14: Hay

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Cult Spy Phobia Corner #14: Hay
The Phobia: Hay
The Cause: Doctor Who – ‘Human Nature/The Family of Blood’


You’d think Doctor Who fans would have an affinity with hay, given the fact that Wurzel Gummidge was played by Jon Pertwee, the third incarnation of the heroic Time Lord. But instead, thanks to a recent two-part episode, the bristly qualities of hay are bound to make your average Whovian shudder.

For the terrains of a rural village in 1913 England were invaded by an army of scarecrows controlled by the malevolent Family of Blood. Packed full of hay and a sinister air, their ‘faces’ features horrifically sewn up mouths and hollow, black eyes reminiscent of the first ever Cybermen back in 1966. The scarecrows also showed no respect for age – reaping a young, balloon-bearing girl and an ageing schoolteacher amongst their victims. Aunt Sally was nowhere to be seen.

This poses an interesting dilemma. What does a Whovian farmer do to scare off the birds now? Surely constructing a scarecrow given the recent story could trigger some kind of mental breakdown? The only answer is to write off the year’s harvest or perhaps even install a large greenhouse instead. The wise decision is to bale out…at least until the hay-related phobias caused by Paul Cornell’s brilliant episodes die down.