TV
'Torchwood' - The Cult Spy Awards
Published Sunday, Apr 13 2008, 08:00 BST | By Ben Rawson-Jones | 15 comments
Best Episode
More fright wedding than white wedding, 'Something Borrowed' was a pure joy to watch. Gwen's shock pregnancy at the hands of a shapeshifting alien propelled us into the realms of farce and heightened emotion, as her union with Rhys came under immense strain. The parents of the hapless couple were almost as horrific as the alien itself! The tantalising scene in which Gwen almost snogs Jack (in reality a shapeshifter) really ramps up the ongoing intrigue, while the bondage between Tosh and the horny Best Man called Banana brings out the lass's nut crunching ability!
With a script by legendary sci-fi scribe PJ Hammond and a performance the highly touted Julian Bleach (rumoured to be playing Davros in Doctor Who), expectations were understandably high for 'Out of the Rain'. However, some leaden direction dissipated any tension and the central celluloid plot was equally languid.
Strongest Liver Award
The winner stands head, shoulders and bladder among everyone else. Step forward Captain John for his marvellous drinking feats in a Cardiff nightclub in 'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang'. His door policy left something to be desired though, as only the aesthetically pleasing clubbers were allowed to bask in his presence.
The Pinocchio Wooden Performance Award
A quick fade to Gray dominates this category. Captain Jack's long lost brother may have had some passing resemblance to John Barrowman, but he also had plenty of splinters. Lachlan Nieboer's turn as the tortured Gray was unbearably bad, devoid of any depth or sense that he'd been subjected to years of mental torture. If only the viewers could have been retconned and the role recast.
Most Moving Performance
Undoubtedly the tightest category, we'll overlook the tragic death scenes of Owen and Tosh to save readers from another onslaught of tears. Instead, the nutritious space whale in 'Meat' wins the category, fending off strong contenders in the shape of Beth from 'Sleeper', 'To The Last Man's' Tommy and the elder Jonah in 'Adrift'. This win is a real victory for the combined efforts of the CGI and sound effects department, as they combined to great emotive effect. Even Captain Jack displayed his soppy side.
Useless Information Award
If ever any Torchwood fans are accosted by a stray pterodactyl, they now have the necessary knowledge to plot a quick escape to safety. Simply use a random piece of dark chocolate to distract the beast and quickly leg it. Under no circumstances try and mount the creature like Captain Jack did.
Best Guest Star
Legendary actors Richard Briers and Alan Dale both turned in compelling, multi-layered performances, but the return of the loveable, meat-munching Doctor Who monster The Hoix in 'Exit Wounds' is unbeatable. Give him his own spin off show please! Preferably set in Burger King... with Gray doused in barbecue sauce and chained to the straw dispenser.
> Agree or disagree with the winners? Share your views
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Your Views
15 Comments
Your Responses
DQ, on April 25th, 2008
Moby Meat was a boring piece of SFX. Give Burn Gorman and Naoko Mori their proper due for their performances in "Exit Wounds." I know you allude to it, but it's not fair to handwave it away because "it hurts too much." That's exactly the point. "You're breaking my heart."
Moby Meat was a boring piece of SFX. Give Burn Gorman and Naoko Mori their proper due for their performances in "Exit Wounds." I know you allude to it, but it's not fair to handwave it away because "it hurts too much." That's exactly the point. "You're breaking my heart."
Suzzle UK, on April 25th, 2008
Best Guest Star? How could you not even mention James Marsters who was utterly BRILLIANT! Tut tut!
Best Guest Star? How could you not even mention James Marsters who was utterly BRILLIANT! Tut tut!
Shannen, on April 20th, 2008
Disagree about the best and worst episodes. I loved From Out of the Rain! I think the best in the series was Fragments. It was great to see their back stories (and less Gwen) Worst episode was probably in my opinion Sleeper. I couldn't really get into the episode. The only good part was probably Ianto's little comments. Most Moving Performance was definatly Tosh and Owen's death scenes. In fact. Just Tosh saying "Because you're breaking my heart" was enough to win it!
Disagree about the best and worst episodes. I loved From Out of the Rain! I think the best in the series was Fragments. It was great to see their back stories (and less Gwen) Worst episode was probably in my opinion Sleeper. I couldn't really get into the episode. The only good part was probably Ianto's little comments. Most Moving Performance was definatly Tosh and Owen's death scenes. In fact. Just Tosh saying "Because you're breaking my heart" was enough to win it!
Naomi, London, on April 14th, 2008
Best episode was A Day in the Death by a mile! Extremely strong performance by Burn Gorman and some very lovely writing and directing. Second would be Fragments which provided brilliant believable back stories for the characters. Have to say Something Borrowed was one of the weaker episodes of the series and the out of left field and rather tiresome "will they won't they" nonsense between Jack and Gwen completely derailed what would otherwise have been a very fun episode. That episode really did feature Jack and Gwen at their most unlikeable - wrapped up in each other on Gwen's wedding day - not behaviour likely to endear the audience to them!
Best episode was A Day in the Death by a mile! Extremely strong performance by Burn Gorman and some very lovely writing and directing. Second would be Fragments which provided brilliant believable back stories for the characters. Have to say Something Borrowed was one of the weaker episodes of the series and the out of left field and rather tiresome "will they won't they" nonsense between Jack and Gwen completely derailed what would otherwise have been a very fun episode. That episode really did feature Jack and Gwen at their most unlikeable - wrapped up in each other on Gwen's wedding day - not behaviour likely to endear the audience to them!
Sam, Liverpool, on April 14th, 2008
Definitly DISAGREE. Something Borrowed was one of my most hated episodes. My favourite was Adam, or possibly Fragments. Ones that didn't shove Gwen/Jack down our throats so much. And clearly Tosh's final scenes were the most moving. I cried buckets.
Definitly DISAGREE. Something Borrowed was one of my most hated episodes. My favourite was Adam, or possibly Fragments. Ones that didn't shove Gwen/Jack down our throats so much. And clearly Tosh's final scenes were the most moving. I cried buckets.
Richard, Manchester., on April 13th, 2008
Worst episode? Though (for reasons probably connected to the starting premise) mixing what are effectively 'supernatural' storylines with those intended to obey the rules of sf, works less well on Torchwood than it did on, say, X-Files, nonetheless PJ Hammond's contributions to series I and II were in both cases the stand-outs. Each was a disciplined, workmanlike piece - a mastercless from a writer who clearly understands the genre in which he is working.
Worst episode? Though (for reasons probably connected to the starting premise) mixing what are effectively 'supernatural' storylines with those intended to obey the rules of sf, works less well on Torchwood than it did on, say, X-Files, nonetheless PJ Hammond's contributions to series I and II were in both cases the stand-outs. Each was a disciplined, workmanlike piece - a mastercless from a writer who clearly understands the genre in which he is working.
The Doctor's Nurse, Pompeii , on April 13th, 2008
The poorest episode last season was by far 'Out of the Rain'. It's unbelievable to see how this episode made it to the screen as I can't believe anybody could of been happy with what they finally made. It may have sounded good on paper but transferred to the screen abysmally. Then again you just have to see the latest 'Fires Of Pompeii' (episode 2) of Dr Who to see such a shift in good script writing...that truly was an absolute stinker of an episode and it's only saving grace was acting in the closing few minutes.
The poorest episode last season was by far 'Out of the Rain'. It's unbelievable to see how this episode made it to the screen as I can't believe anybody could of been happy with what they finally made. It may have sounded good on paper but transferred to the screen abysmally. Then again you just have to see the latest 'Fires Of Pompeii' (episode 2) of Dr Who to see such a shift in good script writing...that truly was an absolute stinker of an episode and it's only saving grace was acting in the closing few minutes.
Cherry, on April 13th, 2008
Best Episode: Exit Wounds. The best was saved until last. Best Performance: Naoko Mori was fantastic in Tosh's death scene. Had me in tears. Guest: Tie between Martha and Captain John for me.
Best Episode: Exit Wounds. The best was saved until last. Best Performance: Naoko Mori was fantastic in Tosh's death scene. Had me in tears. Guest: Tie between Martha and Captain John for me.
Phil - Weston-super-Mare, on April 13th, 2008
I disagree, Out of the Rain was an excellent episode. Dark and mysterious. One of the better episodes of the series.
I disagree, Out of the Rain was an excellent episode. Dark and mysterious. One of the better episodes of the series.
Tracy, Hampshire, on April 13th, 2008
Best Episode: A Day in the Death, closely followed by Dead Man Walking Most Moving Performance: It has to be Burn Gorman and Naoko Mori in Exit Wounds, in particular the scene where self-destructive Owen finally realises he doesn't want to die and Tosh begs him to be quiet "because you're breaking my heart." Best Actor: Burn Gorman Best Guest: Richard Briers Best SFX: The bombs going off around Cardiff in Exit Wounds Worst SFX: The whale alien in Meat
Best Episode: A Day in the Death, closely followed by Dead Man Walking Most Moving Performance: It has to be Burn Gorman and Naoko Mori in Exit Wounds, in particular the scene where self-destructive Owen finally realises he doesn't want to die and Tosh begs him to be quiet "because you're breaking my heart." Best Actor: Burn Gorman Best Guest: Richard Briers Best SFX: The bombs going off around Cardiff in Exit Wounds Worst SFX: The whale alien in Meat
madmanmoon - Southsea, on April 13th, 2008
Disagree - Out of The Rain, is perhaps my favourite of the series. 1 Out of the Rain 2 To the Last Man 3 Fragment / Exit Wounds 4 Sleeper
Disagree - Out of The Rain, is perhaps my favourite of the series. 1 Out of the Rain 2 To the Last Man 3 Fragment / Exit Wounds 4 Sleeper
Funkmaster, Scotland, on April 13th, 2008
Most Shocking Moment Jim Robinson being shot in the head! That was frightening! Best Martha Award Goes to...Martha! I enjoyed Freema's turn in TW, liked her much more in TW than I did in DW!
Most Shocking Moment Jim Robinson being shot in the head! That was frightening! Best Martha Award Goes to...Martha! I enjoyed Freema's turn in TW, liked her much more in TW than I did in DW!
Danny, Manchester, on April 13th, 2008
Best episode: Fragments. The origins episode was the strongest of the series to me. All of their backgrounds were interesting and kind of moving, and bonus that there was minimal Gwen after the Gwenfest that was Adrift. It felt like it was put far too late in the series though. You would think an episode that sheds some light on why these characters are this way, would have better served the show earlier. It would have been easier to sympathise with Owen for instance, rather than liking him purely as a result of Burn Gorman's performance. Worst episode: Dead Man Walking. Burn gave a great performance but it was a terrible episode. Boring as anything and the plot had more holes than swiss cheese. Worst performance: Definitely Grey. Awful, truly awful. Best performance: It's a 3 way split between Naoko Maori for her work in Exit Wounds, Gareth David Lloyd for Adam and Burn Gorman for A Day In The Death. Naoko might just win that though. Best guest star: Can't remember her name but the suicidal girl in A Day In The Death was excellent and of course Ruth Jones.
Best episode: Fragments. The origins episode was the strongest of the series to me. All of their backgrounds were interesting and kind of moving, and bonus that there was minimal Gwen after the Gwenfest that was Adrift. It felt like it was put far too late in the series though. You would think an episode that sheds some light on why these characters are this way, would have better served the show earlier. It would have been easier to sympathise with Owen for instance, rather than liking him purely as a result of Burn Gorman's performance. Worst episode: Dead Man Walking. Burn gave a great performance but it was a terrible episode. Boring as anything and the plot had more holes than swiss cheese. Worst performance: Definitely Grey. Awful, truly awful. Best performance: It's a 3 way split between Naoko Maori for her work in Exit Wounds, Gareth David Lloyd for Adam and Burn Gorman for A Day In The Death. Naoko might just win that though. Best guest star: Can't remember her name but the suicidal girl in A Day In The Death was excellent and of course Ruth Jones.
Nicola, Ayr, on April 13th, 2008
I think the most moving performance should have been giving to Owen and Tosh and their death scene! Either that or the elder Jonah from 'Adrift' because the whale just didn't move me at all - the whale didn't look particularly real to me.
I think the most moving performance should have been giving to Owen and Tosh and their death scene! Either that or the elder Jonah from 'Adrift' because the whale just didn't move me at all - the whale didn't look particularly real to me.
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Hmm... let's see here... Best episode: FRAGMENTS - sheer joy to watch and wonderful acting involved. Or maybe A DAY IN THE DEATH - another foray into dark territory, and a true example of Torchwood at its best. Worst episode: There really hasn't been one - I'd have to say MEAT, only because I didn't watch it. I know. Lame excuse. Strongest liver award: CAPTAIN JOHN - I'll agree with you there. The Pinocchio Wooden Performance Award: I'll just agree again and say GRAY. I can only say disappointment. Most Moving Performance: OWEN AND TOSH IN EXIT WOUNDS - yes, but it comes a close second, since I was blown away by NIKKI IN ADRIFT. Useless Information Award: Gloves come in pairs. Not so much useless as overstated though. Best Guest Star: RUTH JONES as Nikki Bevan. Or maybe even JAMES MARSTERS as John. Now that was - refreshing. Just my little contribution there - I'll pop out now.