I've always imagined being a lawyer to be one of the most boring jobs in the world. No matter how many glossy tales of courtroom drama that Hollywood and US TV chuck at me, I can't shake the belief that a lot of the job must be tedious file flicking and paperclip counting. Less gripping fights for justice, more late nights in an office with only a textbook, a cold Starbucks and a keyboard for company.
But if Dave's US-imported legal drama Suits is to be believed, I got it all wrong. I shouldn't have worried about the tedium of property law and should have hopped on board the legal profession party bus. All you need is an impressive haircut, a selection of mighty fine suits and an encyclopedic knowledge of movie references so you can have charming one-upmanship office banter with your colleagues and rivals.
Working as a lawyer in Suits is comprised of three talents. 25% cracking hair gel skills, 25% smooth-talking and 50% brooding sexual tension. By the end of the season two premiere, I half expected the primary cast to be whipping out some baby oil and jumping in a hot tub together, there was so much flirting, eyebrow raising and dashing good looks on display.
If you missed the first series, don't worry, you can easily dive straight in. Revolving around the charismatic, witty and devilishly handsome Harvey (Gabriel Macht) and his charismatic, witty and devilishly handsome partner in crime Mike (Patrick J Adams), the show follows a pretty regular pattern as they win legal cases against the odds and by breaking the rules if needs must. They're mavericks. They're dudes. They're cooler than I can ever be.
The underlying story is that Mike never really qualified as a lawyer at Harvard and the pair have to keep that schtum. But to be honest, that's the most tedious part of the show as it detracts from the oodles of simmering romances and ludicrously well-ironed shirt and tie combos.
Paperwork, nil, filing, zero, tedious legal red tape, none. Sexy secretaries who notice the dimple in your tie, ding! A tough talking female boss who can threaten you while pouting and fluttering her eyes at the same time, ding, ding!
Like a giant tub of popcorn, Suits is a sweet, guilty pleasure TV snack. It may have zero depth or nutritional value, but heck I love me some popcorn every once in a while.
Suits continues on Thursdays on Dave.
What is it with TV thrillers and eyeballs at the moment? Last week it was Utopia's spoon-bending gore and this week it was new Sky Atlantic serial killer splatter-fest The Following.
Arriving on our screens amid one of the biggest publicity campaigns I can remember (I've barely seen a billboard or paper without Kevin Bacon's brooding face in recent weeks), The Following premiered with something to prove. And perhaps once the hype and expectations have died down I'll be able to enjoy it without the nagging sensation that it sounded a hell of a lot better on paper - Bacon, Jame Purefoy, Kevin Williamson, scary killer cult being led by an imprisoned serial slasher - this should have been double thumbs up awesome.
I won't bother listing the faults of The Following (if you want them click here), but it was a shame to see the talents of Bacon wasted on cop show cliches ("I heard you don't play well with others") and wild-eyed hysterics. Perhaps those EE adverts should have been a warning.
James Purefoy's eye-popping villain had a definite chill about him and the show certainly delivered on punch-to-the-gut shocks with its more visceral scenes - dog murderers, naked women with sharp objects, you get the picture - but whether this story can be stretched out over 15 episodes, I'm not so sure.
Bacon's 'troubled' FBI agent Ryan is going head-to-head with Purefoy's Dr Joe Carroll, a maniac killer with a hefty infatuation for the creepy tales of Edgar Allan Poe. Carroll has managed to organise a legion of 'followers' who are going to help him clear up unfinished business and take revenge on the man who had him locked up first time around and (to stretch the show's credibility further) also slept with his wife.
If the show eases off on the heavy-handed Poe references, cuts out the huge chunks of hackneyed script and gives some of the minor characters a bit of flesh (the nerdy fan, the tough guy, the woman who wants to prove that the hero really has a heart) there could be show here of note. Am I asking too much?
The Following continues on Tuesdays on Sky Atlantic.
From eyeball slicing to lemon meringue pie slopping. If you prefer your TV shows to be filled with cream and cookies rather than a brooding Kevin Bacon and chopped up canines, this week's healthy slice of Great British Bake Off - a four episode helping no less - should have left you replete.
Holding off our hunger pangs until the series returns proper in the autumn, this Comic Relief teaser may not have been quite the Bake Off real deal, but it remained a quaint and endearing treat.
Presenter Sue Perkins was sadly absent from the flour and eggs fest, so it was left up to Mel Giedroyc to up the eyebrow raising and punning as a host of well-known (and less well-known) celebs made themselves look silly in the kitchen.
Like the proper series, the show's shift away from flashing lights, fighting talk and melodrama (unless you count a few dodgy sponges) make it far more palatable than the endless shrieks of most other reality TV.
The only downside? My trousers feel tighter and I've gone up a belt buckle again. Even when Claudia Winkleman is serving up a soggy plate of lemony mess, I can't prevent the urge to dash to the fridge after every episode. If it was on TV all year round, I'd have a Channel 4 documentary about my obscene eating habits in a week.
The Great Comic Relief Bake Off is on iPlayer.
Missed It? Don't Miss Out!
Louie - Important. Smart. Brutal. They're not words I always look for in my comedians, but Louis CK is the hottest comic in the world right now and thankfully he's finally arriving on UK TV screens. His TV series is a slow starter, but stick with it and you'll soon find out what all the fuss is about. - Louie continues on FOX on Tuesdays
The Last Leg - Channel 4 refused to wait four years to bring back Aussie comic Adam Hill's comedy review show, which he launched last year as a spicy condiment alongside the drama and thrills of the Paralympic Games. This is very good news indeed and it should become appointment viewing on Friday nights - The Last Leg is available on 4OD
The Good Wife - Adored in America, but rarely talked about in the UK, the lack of love for The Good Wife on these shores remains a mystery. Despite many awards and critical acclaim, the Julianna Margulies legal drama remains tucked away in More4 schedules with very little fanfare - The Good Wife is available on 4OD
What have you loved and hated on TV this week? Let us know below!