I'm 903 years old

Here are ten things I can tell you about the Doctor Who Christmas special, 'Voyage of the Damned':

1. This isn't the regular sunk-in-1912 Titanic. It's a vessel named Titanic from the planet Stow, which is taking a tourist excursion to Earth. The purpose is for its passengers to observe "primitive lifeforms".

2. The theme tune has undergone a bit of a revamp for the Christmas special. It's rockier!

3. Legendary actor Clive Swift (Keeping Up Appearances) plays Mr. Copper, a tour guide who claims to have a degree in "Earthonomics".

4. As we all know, Kylie plays 'Astrid Peth', a waitress on board the ship who strikes up an immediate friendship with the Doctor. She's actually rather good! Don't read as much into her name as some of you have been doing, though.

5. Mr. Copper's degree in Earthonomics may not have been from the most reputable establishment. Among some of the facts he tells his tour party: humans worship Santa and his wife Mary, and every Christmas the UK goes to war with Turkey and eats its people.

6. Will Kylie be the new assistant? "Can I come with you?" she asks. The Doc's reply: "Yeah, I'd like that." But surely there can't be another assistant...?

7. Like its namesake, the spaceship Titanic has a doomed future. Gabriel would not be proud.

8. There is a special homage to one of the nation's greatest Christmas Day traditions.

9. Some random quotes:

"That's eight of them now on the blink"
"My name is Max."
"Any day now they start boxing."
"Information: You are all going to die."
"I don't half love you."
"She's ****d***"
"I travel alone. It's best that way."

10. As is customary, the end credits include a preview of the next series:

• The Doctor holds out his hand from the TARDIS as it snows. "Come with me," he says. It's Donna!



• Martha looks helpless as she is kept back by guards.



• The Ood are back. One is chained up, another holds a ball and tells Donna he does not understand.



• Sarah Lancashire, holding a red and white pill, announces: "This is the spark of life."

Doctor Who: Voyage of the Damned airs Christmas Day at 6.50pm.