I'm stupid now

Brace yourselves, for that social-TV-internet phenomenon Skins is ready for its second coming.

In time-honoured tradition, here are TEN things I can tell you about the new series of Skins:

1. Series two is set six months after the conclusion of the first. Tony is alive following his collision with a car, but he is now severely impaired: he can't write, he struggles to hold a fork and he remembers little about the world around him.

2. Episode one is all about Maxxie, who opens the new series with a slammin' dance routine in a church. We get the first look at his family life - he has a dad! And a mum! And a dog! - and the homophobia he suffers from the ASBO boys on his estate.

3. Cassie is now living in Scotland, but is keeping in contact with her boyfriend Sid by sending video tapes through the post. Only thing is, there are two Scottish boys dancing with her in her latest video. Sid, jealous? Never!

4. Guest starring this series is Bill Bailey (the one from Buzzcocks that looks like a caveman) as Maxxie's dad Walter. Expect to see him standing up for his son, falling out with his son... and performing a dance routine with a dog.

5. Things go from bad to worse for Chris this series as he is expelled and rendered homeless for getting up to something naughty in the Science corridor. But could his luck be about to change?

6. Maxxie's getting some action! The toe-tapper has a filthy encounter in a forest with a very unlikely suspect.

7. Tony's troublesome sister Effy has a bigger role this series, while Michelle has a new, manipulative step-sister called Scarlett who has designs on one of her friends.

8. Episode two introduces the mysterious character of Sketch, who has been stalking one of the gang.

9. Shane Richie's guest stint comes in episode two, playing a lecherous drama teacher named Bruce.

10. Jaw. Dropper. Episode. Four.

What do you think of these spoilers? Who's getting with Maxxie? Click the link below to add your comments.

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