Michael Bay helms this A-Team-inspired blockbuster starring Vin Diesel as space crusader Roj 'Buttkicker' Blake, who leads his team of rebels into a fight against the evil totalitarian Federation. The 'Seven' are now armed with an array of special physical skills instead of political or social motivations, wear body armour, have team huddles and all have the number '7' tattooed on their upper arms.
However, there is a traitor in their midst. Blake's younger half-brother Avon, played by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, is secretly working alongside psychopathic Federation leader Servalan (Dame Judi Dench in body-hugging white PVC) in return for large bundles of cash and TLC. Avon's dramatic motivation is revealed via a number of soft-focus flashbacks to him and his sibling during early childhood, where seven-year-old Blake fatally punctured Avon's space hopper while he looked on from his cot. But can Blake and his dissidents uncover the conspiracy in time to save their necks?
Vin Diesel stars as Professor Nick Cutter, a no-nonsense biologist who stomps around American forests and beaches armed with his Ray Bans, a massive gun and a temporal anomaliser. He uses the latter to open up portals to other dimensions in time and space, where he blasts big bugs and creatures into millions of atoms in a bid to prevent a sinister government organisation exploiting them for militarial reasons.
Yet all Nick really wants is the love of a beautiful woman - his young assistant Abby (Rachel Stevens). But before he can confess his feelings to her, she is captured by Lieutenant James Lester (Michael Ironside) and held to ransom. She will only be spared death if Nick can travel back in time and capture a live Silurian Scorpion and deliver it to the government so they can use it to secure more oil in the Middle East. Nick has other ideas though, and manages to befriend the Scorpion before putting a saddle on it and riding it into Lester's HQ in order to break Abby free. She dies in the battle, with her last words being "I love you so much Nick…(gurgle)".
Hugh Grant plays the lonely Time Lord, stuttering his way through the galaxy in search of love and enlightenment. His only companion is his talking Tardis, which can only communicate via the medium of rap and is voiced by Coolio. The Doctor tries to prevent Davros, portrayed by a make-up free Mickey Rourke, from travelling back in time to kidnap his parents and harvest them into a new breed of pepperpot-like killing machines. (Due to legal wrangling with the Terry Nation Estate, the term 'Dalek' cannot be used).
Along the way, The Doctor must fend off the remnants of the Slitheen family (every one of them played by Eddie Murphy) and save the life of feisty young waitress Ace (Megan Fox), who works in an intergalactic cocktail bar and turns out to be the daughter of The Master (John Malkovich). As romance blossoms, can The Doctor get the blessing of his arch-enemy to marry Ace and can he stop Davros conquering the galaxy?