Tonight's episode of Dallas ended with JR Ewing shaking his jowls in uncontrollable fury as the king of the double cross realised that he had been played by his own son.
Larry Hagman stole the show as JR moved from bemusement to anger to plotting revenge with only a shake of his chops and a furrow of his gigantic eyebrows to help him out.
JR has cottoned on to the fact that his son John Ross (Josh Henderson) is even more devilish and deceitful than himself and was preparing to scam him out of Southfork once they had both nabbed it from Bobby (Patrick Duffy).
Heaven help John Ross and his perfectly trimmed evil goatee beard, because JR is going to need more than a jowl shake to recover from this news.
JR reeled off zingers to woo, persuade and ridicule whoever got in his path. "You're still the prettiest girl at the ball," he cooed at Sue-Ellen, who was seconds away from melting like butter and buckling at the knees because of her former lover's charm.
However, it is withering put-downs that JR truly specialises in ("Son, never pass up a good chance to shut up", "I hate to hit a man below the belt, but you know I will"), delivering bad news with an icy stare and a cheeky curl of the lip.
While JR was strutting around like a peacock and attempting to reclaim his spot at the top of the Southfork ladder, his son was getting busy in the bedroom. His spat with Christopher is simmering, but while his sibling is pouting and whining, John Ross is taking a more cavalier approach and getting up close and personal with his scheming partner in crime Marta.
John Ross's night of passion looks likely it will come back to haunt him though. Not only did she drug him - giving him the sort of hangover only a Geordie Shore star would appreciate - but she's also filmed their night of passion. Oh, and JR now knows that Marta isn't who she says she is. This can't end well.
If you were thinking that the show didn't have enough twists chucked on top of enough turns, the show delivered a Spaghetti Junction-esque layer of intrigue and mystery. It turns out that Christopher's new domestic goddess Rebecca isn't as sweet as she claims to be.
When not busy mucking around with flour and playing the new wife at the Ewing ranch, she is plotting something cunning with her bad egg brother Tommy. We could have our fourth layer of double crossing here people and this is only episode two. It's barmy, it's crazy, but we're not sure we can wait another week for episode three. Dallas is the ultimate guilty pleasure treat on the TV right now.
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